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http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/remembering#share

As I sat on the edge of my bed praying for redemption

I felt the knot in my gut spring up in my soul

My body went cold and the memories took control

And I asked God for forgiveness because only he knew what I did

And the people who did it…

I got rid of that thing because I knew it was his

And I hated him

The thing was a monster

I wanted it gone

I wanted it dead

But still so much a part of me

I did not want the world to see

What this man planted in me

I laid still frozen on my back

While I heard the chants from the windows

From murmurs priest and Catholic’s

Screaming

MURDERER!

As one single tear drop fell from my eye

And collided pass my ear and slid down my neck

And froze itself right their

Tickling my neck   

But this was not funny

And I dare not even crack a smile

I laid frozen on my back as the chants got louder

I refuse to cry because that would have been an admission of

Of…

Of…

Of something I dare not admit with this tongue

The thing was a monster

I wanted it gone

I wanted it dead

But still so much a part of me

This thing that lived inside of me

Was haunting me

And I heard him whisper

You are beautiful, as he brushed my hair to the side

Every night at 3 o clock in the morning

And I was mourning for my innocents

That I lost a long time ago

Now I live with this thing

This thing

This monstrous thing!

 

I just knew I’d be free…

As I laid there flat on my back

Spread eagle

Waiting for this thing to exit my womb

I wanted to bury it,,,

Tie a chain to it

And throw it in the sea

OF THE FORGOTTEN

AND THE FORGIVEN

So it can never again resurface

I was praying to have not

One

Single

Memory

Of this event

But here

I lay

20 Years Later

Still

Flat on my back

REMEMBERING…

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He made me feel like I was in dream

With a lot of gentle

Mixed with a just enough mean

He touched me softly

And my nibbles arose

He even asked me if he could suck my toes

He was nothing like the last man  I choose

He sucked on my nibbles

Like cherries to the seed

I was hungry for this ocean in me to be freed

I rolled over, trying to shift my weight

I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming

It felt like I was in some kind of dream state

He kissed my neck

And he made me moan

He looked in my eyes

Challenging my sensual tone

I tried to get up but he pinned me down

And all I heard was nasty, wet slurping sounds

He had me wet and paralyzed to the bed

His face disappeared and all I saw was his head

Finally he came up for air and kissed me on my face

I pulled him closer because I wanted to taste

And I licked his face leaving non of me to waste

I laid back screaming

Because his tongue felt so good

I really wanted to cum

I really felt like I could

He said

You better not cum

But every emotion in me won

When he went back down

And I began to scream

And I was pissed off when the flight attendant woke me

Realizing

It was only a dream

 

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Wishing I was anorexic to throw up this mess

Heart pounding through my chest

Pedestrians moving slow just to watch this train wreck

In the midst of all the confusion

I try so hard to defuse them

To refuse them

The thoughts that sought after me

As I walk in the valley of the shadow of death

I fear all evil

The reason is treason is why those things hunt for me

And melts my candles dry way before that 100th try

Grown in my pants doing the happy dance

Transforming sin

Only to begin the noise again

Like wolves in the night

The eye can’t see what the mind tries so hard to fight

Scrambling and fighting for what’s right with the wrong

Because God takes too long

Want to live not relive the forgotten, because the roots rotten

But I still try as my dreams fly by

I ain’t fuckin’ around with that evil sound that keeps talkin’ to me and comin’ to me, and wantin’ me!

And the light always shines on my weary soul!

In my heart of heart there’s something I know I need to do

But I can’t remember because I keep falling asleep

Wake me up from this possession I’m in

This desperation I’m in

Nailed to my own personal cross of sorrow

Waiting for tomorrow

To turn it all around!!!!

Before I hear that sadistic sound that knows my name and has everything to gain

But I’m back in that empty room

My own personal tomb

That I dressed up with flowers

Knick knacks

And curtains

To cover the cinder blocks that took me too long to stack

Some little girls waiting for me!

Some little girl is waiting for me!

Some little girl is waiting just for me!

And been waitin’ and waitin’

And she ain’t waitin’ for my sad to take me away

She got some things she got to say

Like

What took you so long?

THANK YOU FOR THE INSPIRATION http://shackledandcrowned.wordpress.com/2013/04/12/friendship/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNoiZAFNYn4

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/a-thousand-miles-of-highway

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We were like a thousand miles of highway

With never ending transitions

A tunnel

A pathway

To everywhere

I know we’ve been in la-la land

Somewhere far away on our journey to love

Random tokens of affection straddle my shoulder

And trickle down my spin

And I know he sees my silhouette dancing slowly for the moon

And yesterday he made love to me from across the room

And it was beautiful

Like all the times before

And it was nothing fancy but so much more

We were like a thousand miles of highway

Riding somewhere pass the end of the earth

Falling

We were…

We were…

Falling in love

We played footsies from across the room

And he smelled me

Because I was his  perfume

And no amount of turmoil could penetrate our portal

We were only mere mortals

But we were in love

When he touched me I felt his protection

This was not about sex

But so much more

We were exempt from…

Economics

Social acceptability

Or prejudice

He was my white

And I was his black

And there were no “Grey Areas”

We were in a magic place

We were…

On a thousand miles of highway

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It was a thousand breaths I took
To scale a shaken nook
That withered my spirit
Every nerve in me could hear it
No words
Spirituality
Not even the gods could sear it
The brokenness that transmitted through my spine
And grew
Locks wrapped around my veins like vines
It was a mangled twist
That spew curse words between these lips
Patterns
They left bruises in the seems of my hips
No one knew the dangers that formed from this riff
I’m still confused and somewhat amused by
This Trauma

I got an ugly problem in a beautiful place
I have particles flowing thick from my fire place
I’m sailing and climbing through my twisted mind
Distorted piano sounds
Tortured lines
levied from silenced
Concubine
I don’t even know if  I’m safe in Gods arms
Twisted neck
Sounds alarms
And I still come face to face
With me

I got an ugly problem in a beautiful place

My Dr. told me I had a nervous bleeding in my brain

The judge told me I was criminally insane

I knew some of my crazy was from the cocaine

See I’ve had my lover tied up in the basement for, only God knows when

I looked at him and said…

YOU WILL STAY WITH ME AND YOU’LL STAY UNTIL THE VERY END

Crying clowns and morbid sounds

Crows above

And blood filled tubs

Mask and cutting glass

Black moons and poison mushrooms

Empty rooms filled with witches brooms

A jackals tale seeing acid trails

A dirty deed planted with demonic seeds

A haunted trust with piercing thrusts

Gagged with rags and gasoline bags

Heart melting eyes singing cryptic lullabies

Tormented mimes with twisted spines

Sickening rhymes with catholic chimes

A fantasy reversed with a witches curse

A dog moon with hidden rooms

A serpent’s tail stuffed with human cells

A joker’s laugh after its evil craft

A rotten kiss with blood filled lips

An evil moon staring at us from the basements tomb

I bound his mouth with tape

I looked around him things starting to take shape

Shift shaper and hate makers whisper in my ear

I stopped taking my meds and things don’t seem real clear

I rub my eyes trying hard to stay awake

My body trembled and my hands began to shake

My Dr. told me I had a nervous bleeding in my brain

The judge told me I was criminally insane

I knew some of my crazy was from the cocaine

See I’ve had my lover tied up in the basement for, only God knows when

I looked at him and said…

YOU WILL STAY WITH ME AND YOU’LL STAY UNTIL THE VERY END

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