I SURVIVED! (POETRY REPOST ADDED AUDIO)

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/i-survived#play

YES I SURVIVED

IM SO GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE!

BECAUSE I’VE ENDURED!

YES I’VE PUSHED ON!

AND YES I’VE SURVIVE!

WHAT SEEMED TO BE SOMETHING THAT WOULD NEVER EVER END!

I’VE LANDED ON MY FEET AND HERE I AM AGAIN!

BEAMING LIKE THE SUN!

SPROUTING LIKE A TREE!

AND EVERY DAY I WAKE UP, GOD WATERS ME!

MY PROCESS JUST STARTED AND I WILL PROBABLY NEVER BE DONE!

BUT EVERY NIGHT I GO TO BED I THANK GOD FOR WHO I’VE BECOME!

IM NOT THAT MASK I PUT ON SOMETIMES FOR THE WORLD TO SEE!

THAT’S JUST SOMETHING I PUT ON TO PROTECT THE LITTLE GIRL IN ME!

AND IT BOTHERS ME WHEN PEOPLE CAN SEE MY VULNERABILITY.

BUT, IM LEARNING!

AND I PUSH ON!

AND NO!

I HAVE NOT ARRIVED!

BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN I TAKE OFF A LAYER AND THAT OLD PART OF ME DIES!

IT’S NOT EASY!

AND IT’S NOT COMFORTABLE!

AND THE PROCESS NEVER ENDS!

GOD WILL SEND YOU SOMEONE ONE DAY YOUR COMFORTABLE CALLING FRIEND!

ONE DAY YOU WAKE UP AND THE FEELING MAY BE REALLY, REALLY WEIRD.

BECAUSE ALL YOUR PAST PAIN HAS COMPLETLEY DISAPEARED.

AND IF NOT TOTALLY.

I PROMISE SOME WOULD HAVE GONE AWAY.

PREPARING YOU FOR SOMEONE YOU’LL SAY THE SAME THINGS TO ONE DAY.

IM SO, SO, SO GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE!

BECAUSE I’VE ENDURED!

YES I’VE PUSHED ON!

AND YES!

I HAVE SURVIED!!!!!

                                                                       

Thank you, Tammy “Pitt Bull” Johnson

LOST GIRLS (POETRY)

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/lost-girls-poetry#play

I’ve decided to write.

Tonight’s not like any other night.

Everything feels right, nothing’s wrong.

I haven’t felt this way in so long.

I’m at peace, all the chaos has finally ceased.

There’s so much to be grateful for.

God is opening so many doors.

Have you ever looked at the stars.

And wondered if there’s life force on mars.

And if their struggles are the same as ours.

My mind is not somewhere far away.

The only thing I worry about is what to cook today.

I’m not on the streets walking the beat.

Panhandling just to get a bite to eat.

Some angel sent down to lend a hand.

In the form of some perverted man.

And when I do get the money it’s like bee’s on honey.

YUP!

Dope boys ridin’ with that look like…WASSUP!

So I do what I do, and I run like a little girl late for school.

They see desperation in my eyes.

They ask me.

Do you need this?

And of course I lie.

They’re tigers looking for meat.

So I get high and I’m back on the streets, with nowhere to go.

I know some old man’s looking for a show.

It’s lonely out here.

Damn, no one knows.

I look and see girls just as lonely as me, wishing to pray or praying to wish to be free.

But drugs were all we were able to see.

And I know deep down inside this isn’t really me.

I knew this man he took my girl for a ride.

I told her not to go she said she wouldn’t but she lied.

She thought I was try’na steal her trick.

It’s funny how a junkies mind ticks.

The core of this disease had me constantly on my knees and it wasn’t to pray.

ANYWAY.

There were many days I had to swallow my pride.

I was seriously contemplating suicide.

I just wanted to kill myself and die.

I was a hopeless bum ten times over and then some.

Why did my friend have to go for that ride?

I got this really strange feeling inside.

I kept seeing visions of her being swept up on a tide.

I kept getting these visions over and over again.

She’s probably high, real hard to defend.

It was during my worst days that I prayed.

I was walking through life’s crazy maze, and in an alley way there my friend laid.

This was bad news. I was lost and completely confused and was living in a world of self-centered fools!

I’ve been asking God to send me a sign.

Leave this place, right now’s the time.

This is where I’m at this moment is mine.

Should I stay or should I go?

Please someone help me ‘cause I don’t know.

All I know is where I’ve been, near death experiences and 100% sin.

I’ll never forget how I let this disease win.

When I think of the fire I’ve survived.

I often wonder why I’m still alive.

God has this major plan and I’m so excited cause I haven’t ran.

My friend got killed by some crazy man… but I believe she was part of Gods perfect plan.

Some have to die for others to live and for that reason I promise to give all of me to recovery.

I have one chance to make this right.

And for that reason I promise to always walk in Gods eye sight.

Wanna walk in my shoes?

I don’t think so.

These are places no one should ever go.

 Thank you, Ladies of the Night.

 

                                                                                                 

  

EVER EXSISTING BEAST (POETRY)

Ever Existing Beast

I met this creature.

I called him the ever existing beast.

That lurks and will creep like the grim reaper.

This thing called life it gets deeper and deeper.

Lurking and preying on any weakness.

Your death is its ultimate sweetness.

Manipulate and distort any positive reports.

Living is not natural and natural is not living.

This beast will latch on and feast.

It will eat away at any chance you may have had to dance at your party called life.

Will destroy any plans to make some woman your wife.

This beast will have you compromise some of your simplest beliefs.

This beast will have you morally incorrect, and have life’s lowest put you in check.

This beast will have you feeling hysterical and he knows you’ll leave 5 minutes before the miracle.

I can’t feel at all anymore because death is knocking at my door.

This beast shows his face no one but me goes.

I often wonder how this beast knows.

I have all good intentions but somehow this beast draws me into a whole new dimension.

This beast cheers obsession on and takes me day and days sometimes till dawn.

Demented mind lost in the time.

This beast is fast has me living in the past.

This ever existing beast stamps hopeless on my face and eases in at its own pace.

This beast sticks his chest out because he knows he’s the man.

This beast knows this is no one night stand.

This beast loves this fling leaves you bitten with its devastating sting.

I won’t look in the mirror because I am bound to flip.

Leaves me feeling like I’m on a bad trip.

Chained and bound to this game.

Save me lord because my life is in vain.

Someone died for me to live….

One simple request

Is for you to give yourself a chance to dance at your party called life.

Thank you, Dis-ease of Addiction.

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