My Midnight – Poe-Estory

Needing validation from some man

Any man

Wanting to be someone’s biggest fan

While my mind ran wild

Reminiscing about the boys I was attracted to as a child

The excitement that ran thru me was too intense to describe

There was this one particular guy that gave me this awfully strange vibe

And yes!

I was wide open for him

With his big back and size 9 brown Tim’s

He said, with his dark juicy lips

I stood there with attitude with my hands on my hips

He said

“girl you so pretty I just had to let you know, can I take you to dinner or maybe a show”

I was mesmerized by his smooth dark skin

My defenses wanted to say no but I knew the softness in me would win

I went home nervous and filled with fear

My heart wouldn’t stop pounding and on top of that I had absolutely nothing to wear

There was a war going on in my mind that my heart wasn’t trying hear

I decided to call him and tell him I couldn’t go

He picked up the phone, I guess caller ID and said, please don’t tell me no

I was in a panic could this really be

Could this handsome man really like me

We went to dinner and of course a show

I wasn’t sure what to expect I really didn’t know

I stared at him gently and thought

I don’t know how anyone can tell this man no

Women they stopped and stared

I cut my eyes at those broads like don’t even dare

This man was handsome and OH SO FINE

And just for tonight Mr. Chocolate was all mine

The men they whispered

“Dame she’s a dime”

He tipped the waiter and said

“Bring us the finest wine”

The restaurant was nice and yes full of talk

I got up and excused myself with my oh so sexy walk

The men they eyed and said dame who is she

My midknight turned around and said.

“Oh she’s with me”

We laughed and talked and got to know what each other liked

I was so nervous ‘cause everything felt so right

Meanwhile I was filled with fear

The night was almost over and I was really, really scared

Was he like the others would he try to get me in his bed

He looked at me, said goodnight, and kissed my hand instead

That was really different, that I couldn’t take

All thru the night my thoughts I would awake

This man had me shook with his manly ways and his oh so serious look

There came a day he said

“We need to talk seriously”

That was the day I said yes and became his wife to be

Remember in the beginning when I was tempted to say no

Well it’s been 55  years and I’m glad he made me go

Imagine 55 years with just one man

I’m proud to say he still loves me and I’m still his biggest fan

Mourning – Poetry

I listened to his heart beat

I wrapped my legs between his feet

I watched him sleep and tucked him safely away in the warmth of my sheets

I played with his ears 

Somehow that soothed my fears

About 

Mourning

I scaled his face with my point finger

And I cried

Because

Mourning

Was well on its way

Tombstones in my Mattress – Poetry W/Audio

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/TOMBSTONE IN MY MATTRESS-on-monday-1

I’ve got Tombstones in my Mattress  

Waiting for the next certain death

To join this grave site of men and women I have not yet met

I deem it over before it begins

And I mourn these relationships

Over

And over again

I got Tombstones in my Mattress

And I practice pretending they aren’t there

Potholes and traps for all who enter these tomb filled snares

I got ash cans and grey post

That line the belly of this seam

I got construction going on

In the trinkets of my dreams

In the pit of my Mattress

I call it the dead zone

There building a fortress

And fences

Calling it their home

And they aint even paying rent

I evicted two tenants

And  could care less where they went

I’ve got Tombstones in my Mattress

And I’m prepared to burn this dwelling place

Can’t sleep at night

Without these men staring me in my face

These tombstones have been constructed for over twenty long years

And there comfortable in my bed

Playing spade and swallowing down imported beers

I’m not sad

Depressed

Or angry

I just want these men gone

They’ve been sleeping in my bed with me for twenty years too long

I got diamonds hidden in these dirt filled tombs

Being smothered by dandelions and oversized poisoned mushrooms

My bed has become crowded

And the only person I’m angry at is me

Because I have allowed these men to literally enslave me

I’ve got souls that I desperately need to set free

I keep these memories alive and I hate the reflection I see

I got construction workers knocking walls down building rooms to be filled

While I’m shoveling dirt working hard to empty this dirt filled mill

Gatekeepers come from nowhere, hired in this dark ground of doom

I’ve invited men in to fill these empty tombs

I cannot stand being cramped up in my own bed

I demised a portal

For people who have long time been dead

They have decomposed

Honestly some of them I don’t even know

It’s God awful that their locked in this trench

I’m not sure how much longer I can tolerate this awful stench

Every tombstone has a different face

And a different name

But they’re not much different at all

Really their all the same

I got all these people living in my bed

And it’s deep

It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten a good night’s sleep

I am on the brink of something really big

Tonight, these men are getting the hell up out my bed

I want to be rid of this affliction

So tonight, I’m sure I’ll be handing out some evictions

THE OTHER ME (POETRY)

I waited for her to walk in the door

With her ghetto diction

She was my affliction

My addiction

And the reason why I was stricken and sickened

And plagued by her rage that went way beyond adult age

I gave her the keys and offered her other things

That was dear to me

And taunted the other me

I was tempted to walk away

But I played the fool and stayed

Another day

And another

And another

And I was wrong because I stayed way to long

I was fighting with the knot that gripped my soul

And I knew she was the reason I was old and alone

No one ever told me it would be like this

Once I kissed her majestic lips

Frozen in a matrix of denial

And still

WAITING

ON

HER

THE WAY THEY WERE (POETRY W/ AUDIO)

I heard the desperation

In a voice that had been dry

Because he was denied

And it was her flesh that cried

He wanted her to see

The man he so desperately needed to be

A chain reaction

Turned into

A fraction

Multiplied

By love

 

But three doesn’t equal two

 

And chances are

Things will never be the same

Can she ever really change?

It’s his heart that’s been stained  

By her

And her

And her

And her

He just wishes

Things

Could

Go back

To

The way

They were

LESSONS (POETRY)

I nurtured him back to life

Because she was incapable of doing it

I reassured him

That I was his mistress

Never with an art

Because the stars where never aligned

At the right time

Tired of loving what could never be mines

Tryn’a separate me from the sin

Knowing this is a lesson

I will never repeat again

Because

I was his mistress

MY MELANIN (POETRY W/AUDIO)

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/my-melanin

My skin begins telling me things

Stories

Only my ancestors were qualified to tell

Living in such hell

But

It’s my Melanin

That propels me into my destiny

And validates the rest of me

And when the kids used to tease me

About my big nose with big hips and wide lips

And gave me that look staring straight at my titts

I knew it was because of the Melanin

That lay deep underneath my skin

So I would run home

And wrap a towel over my head

With a rubber band at the nap

And pretend to be white

See, I had to fight to believe what I know to be true today

And only age matured me

And my grandmamma adored me

And my skin

I was perplexed by this darkness that

Stared at me in the mirror

That stared at me in the schools

That stared at me on the streets

And taunted me

Even while I was asleep

Smiles behind hidden hate they constantly berate my beauty

My superiority is in my Melanin

Shut up in my skeleton

Is where my power lies

And I will never be so ignorant to hide my beauty

So I tell every little black girl

You are a queen

And never be afraid to be seen

I was my Melanin that pushed me into darkness

And now I understand

That it is my Melanin that propels me into greatness

I can’t hate this

This skin that’s so beautiful

And shines when the sun hits it

It’s my Melanin that perplexes them

I realize

That I love

My skin

NO MATTER  IF YOU ARE PURPLE OR GREEN, LOVE YOUR SKIN (:

PEACEFUL FREEDOM (RANDOM THOUGHTS)

As I sit on the river listening to my new found freedom.

And my own kind of mixed up, but somewhat sane thoughts.

What a silent pleasure.

I look out at the water.

The muddy essence of the river clouds my nostrils and spider webs scale my face.

Once hated, now loved by me.

I see couples chit chatting, not really hearing the words but more of a whisper, as they walk holding hands.

MUST BE NICE…

There was a time I would have gotten angry; because they would have been sure to blow what I thought was a peaceful ride to heaven.

At this moment I only want to be seen riding into my thought.

Maybe so they can get a glimpse at a confused but somewhat sane mind at work.

As they walk by, a part of me wants them to ask?

“Miss, what are you writing?”

My story would only scare them.

I’m better off left alone to sort out this peaceful freedom on paper.

I am in a peaceful but somewhat dense thought.

This density is going nowhere because I notice there are no stars out tonight.

That’s ok…

Might be…

Some tommorow…

If God wakes me up to enjoy yet another peaceful freedom.

Thank you, Sanity

MENTAL MASTURBATION (POETRY/ PART 1)

I said I wouldn’t do it anymore

But as my flesh hit the floor

I couldn’t take it anymore

Scenes started playing in my mind

And my sensitive parts knew it was time

For this stream to over flow

I knew that I shouldn’t

But my thoughts willed me to go

My moans sang a beautiful song

I knew it was wrong

But it had been to long

My fingers hid where sin dared to live

Buried between the snares

Of my public hairs

Was a longing to be held

And touch

And such

And such

There was something that lurked

And every nerve in me jerked

And I prayed

Because I knew I would pay

For this sin

That lied within

Shut up in my bones

 

I WELCOME ALL SPELL CHECKERS (GIGGLES)

Insomnia – Poetry W/Audio

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/INSOMNIA -poetry

Finger tips and microchips dissect my random thoughts

While movies play obsessively of all that daddy taught

I’m here once a week tryn’a get the bugs out my head

But the only thing this quack does is prescribe another fuckin’ med

Bugaboos and daja vu’s taunt my twisted brain

Perplexing me and vexing me

Rip me out these fuckin’ chains

I shift my body loosely tryn’a pull back on the reins

But these voices keep on whispering

VOICES: You’re weird stupid and insane

Fully engulfed in this cryptic game

I can’t escape these awful memories

So  I try and write away the pain 

I lay there blamelessly

As he dissects my twisted mind

ME: Yea I know

As he looks ahead and says

DOCTOR: Were out of fuckin’ time

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

ME: Yea I know

DOCTOR: Were out of fuckin’ time