http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/remembering#share
As I sat on the edge of my bed praying for redemption
I felt the knot in my gut spring up in my soul
My body went cold and the memories took control
And I asked God for forgiveness because only he knew what I did
And the people who did it…
I got rid of that thing because I knew it was his
And I hated him
The thing was a monster
I wanted it gone
I wanted it dead
But still so much a part of me
I did not want the world to see
What this man planted in me
I laid still frozen on my back
While I heard the chants from the windows
From murmurs priest and Catholic’s
Screaming
MURDERER!
As one single tear drop fell from my eye
And collided pass my ear and slid down my neck
And froze itself right there
Tickling my neck
But this was not funny
And I dare not even crack a smile
I laid frozen on my back as the chants got louder
I refuse to cry because that would have been an admission of
Of…
Of…
Of something I dare not admit with this tongue
The thing was a monster
I wanted it gone
I wanted it dead
But still so much a part of me
This thing that lived inside of me
Was haunting me
And I heard him whisper
You are beautiful, as he brushed my hair to the side
Every night at 3 o clock in the morning
And I was mourning for my innocents
That I lost a long time ago
Now I live with this thing
This thing
This monstrous thing!
I just knew I’d be free…
As I laid there flat on my back
Spread eagle
Waiting for this thing to exit my womb
I wanted to bury it,,,
Tie a chain to it
And throw it in the sea
OF THE FORGOTTEN
AND THE FORGIVEN
So it can never again resurface
I was praying to have not
One
Single
Memory
Of this event
But here
I lay
20 Years Later
Still
Flat on my back
REMEMBERING…