I have tattooed

“Scientology will follow me”

On my forehead

‘Cause who really believes in “Heaven and Hell”

Christians, Buddhist and Atheist

They all lived longer than Nostradamus

To tell this wicked tattle-tell

And Satan is rolling over in his own apocalypse

Hatred at the grip of his fingertips


They blow fire like dragons torching anyone that listens to the lies that flow

From their wicked lips

And crypts of century old villains

Lay buried with their stories that bore me

I am not angelic and he cannot fool me with religion and broken hallelujahs

And Henna can’t save me




Would you judge me if you knew who I used to be

Would you judge me if you knew all the things my mind said to me

Would you judge me if you knew about all the men

Umm, sorry to disappoint you but I was born from sin

Would you judge me if you knew how much time I spent in jail

Would you judge me

Hell yea

So I will never tell

Would you judge me if you knew I used to use drugs

I had to write it this way to give you a picture of how dark it really was

I know these are things that don’t tickle your ears

But Jesus loves me so much

But how much do you judgmental Christians really care


Would you judge me


Let me start by saying I don’t have a religious bone in my body. Well, maybe one or two. I do consider myself a very spiritual woman on a continued search for greater insight. Neither am I a bible thumper. My grandmother used to read the book of Jonah to me all the time when I was a little girl. The bible story is just as real to me today as it was when I was a child. I have found myself in the belly of the beast more times than I wish to admit.

The story of Jonah and the whale intrigues me, I see myself as Jonah. So many times I have been disobedient to God when He gives me a direction. Sometimes I just flat out tell God no, as Jonah did. Jonah argued with God about going to the city of Nin-e-veh to warn the people to get their act together, that great city had become corrupt. Jonah tried to take a boat to another town, running as we sometimes do to escape ourselves. Jonah probably wouldn’t have gone to the city of Nin-e-veh had those people on the boat not thrown him off fearful for their own lives.

That’s the same way with association; we must be very careful who we associate ourselves with. The people on the boat knew bad things were happening to them through association with someone on that boat. Jonah was in the belly of the whale for three days and he was afraid. He prayed hard.

“Oh Lord, if you get me out of this whale I will go to Nin-e-veh and anywhere else you send me, I will go,”

Jonah pleaded. I often times find myself trying to make deals with God. Get me out of this situation and I will go to church every Sunday and give ten percent of my earnings. I still haven’t held up my end of the bargain, sadly, but God has.

Jonah fussed God out the entire way to the city of Nin-e-veh. Jonah did not want to go! Even after being spit out of the whale he was still fussing with God about having to go there. We can fuss God out if we want, He can handle our temper tantrums. Jonah was so angry he told God to take his life. God simply said very calmly, “it does you no good to be angry,” God is merciful, gracious and slow to anger.

God used Jonah to plant a seed in the people of Nin-e-veh’s hard heads. After Jonah warned them, the people in the city cried out to God. He promised to destroy the city but changed his mind. God gives us opportunities to repent, to make our wrongs right. He can turn a hopeless situation into something beautiful, He’s God

It doesn’t matter how bad we think we are God will send someone to help. Although Jonah was not obedient, he was stubborn and did what he wanted, God still used him. So don’t look at the messenger because God will use anything or anybody to save his sheep, he loves us (me.)

Jonah had been disobedient, got bum-rushed by the men on the boat. They tossed him over; he had been swallowed by a whale, in the belly of the beast for 3 days worrying if he would ever see the light of day. You all know how we get ourselves in situation and try and pray our way out at the last minute. The whale finally spit Jonah out where he washed up on the sea. He traveled to Nin-e-veh a three day hike on foot. Jonah was tired.

Jonah went through all that and still had to go to Nen-e-veh to warn the people. God knew Jonah needed a break and instantly grew him a tree for shade. God will not give us more than we can bear. Of course, after all Jonah had been through he went to sleep. When he awoke in the morning, it was hot as chicken grease outside and there was a sand storm. God sent a worm to destroy the tree he had given Jonah for shade. Jonah was so hot he fainted and started fussing God out again. (Jonah 4:9) Jonah said, “Just kill me, I will be angry with you as long as I want, till the day I die.”

This is a great story, a little mercy is better than no mercy at all. I fuss with God all the time, I am learning sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. When given a direction from the all mighty God, I better listen, before I find myself in the belly of the beast, again.





Closed in a world of what’s to be.

Can’t you see it’s me in the distance?

Blank with resistance.

Hard to tame.

Sensation knows my name from past games.

Nowhere to hide.

Pain is greedy and the heart is needy.

Beauty is all over me…

But my visual is drowned out and hard to see.

Social anxiety.

Thoughts lie to me.

The truth and its reality.

Pain shared is pain lessened.

Living in the lesson.

Dressing my soul with dark cosmic coals.

Trapped in my mind.

Hiding from my own behind.

Because it’s time that searches for me.

If it’s too deep don’t let it creep into your rain.

Because it won’t sustain without at least a little pain.

Defined by the dark that exposes your secrets.

Keeps them alive and deprives the inner eye from freedom.

Don’t want them but I need them to remember what I tried so hard to forget.

A sliced memory.

Don’t want it to be real but it has this razor feel.

Sharp and precise.

I always crap out.

Cause I can’t play dice with this life that was given back.

Hard to see while using that…. NEEDLE POINT!

My fish died but I’m still alive.

Can’t say that for most.

Because the host is only a ghost try’na reappear.

Stay in the light it will disappear.

Don’t fear what is true.



The road is narrow but the path is sweet.

Don’t fret when you only see one set of feet.


                        Thank you, Healthy Fear.