Lineage (Poetry W/Audio)



mentalnotes1

I can’t find my shoestring to my left boot because I unlaced it to shoot up
High on this fentanyl shit
Can’t take it
Enough is enough
My veins are confused
These streets are too ruff
I keep hitting that same vein crying
Dying
Trying hard not to give up
Sick ’cause my friend overdosed
Tryna’ find what she had
Drooling
Hard
Saliva
Getting high with my dad
Can’t stomach this life but which way do I go
I’m already six feet under
Chasing this dragon far reaching
Plateau
I know these streets are cursed
I’m well versed
I’ve planned out my funeral I have it rehearsed
I’ve been living in this nightmare
A sick fantasy
Reversed
Get well or die trying
Can’t stand feeling this hurt
First things first
Gotta find me a bathroom to get this blood out my shirt
I cry because I want out
I cry…

View original post 108 more words

FEATURE (GAUDENZIA HOUSE PHILOSOPHY)

We are here because there is no refuge

Finally, from ourselves

Until people confront themselves in the eyes and hearts of others

They are running

Until they suffer others to share their secrets

They have no safety from them

Afraid to be known

They can know neither themselves nor any other

They will be alone!
Where else but in our common ground can we find such a mirror

Here, together, people can at last appear clearly to themselves

Not as the giant of their dreams,

Nor the dwarfs of their fears

But as individuals

Part of a whole

With a share in its purpose
In this ground we can each take root and grow

Not alone anymore as in death

But alive to ourselves and to others

GOODBYE HEROINE 2 (Poetry W/AUDIO)

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/goodbye-heroin

Goodbye Heroin II

I can’t stop loving him no matter how hard I try.

I will probably hate him until the day I die.

I often ask myself the question why?

He has never been good to me always treated me bad.

Left me ugly alone and feeling sad.

By the way, he’s such a tease.

Cant’ fall asleep without awakening with a cough or constant sneeze.

There’s those days when he’s missing and I need a shoulder to cry.

He was always there but our relationship was one big lie.

I left him once but I felt like I would just die.

I crawled back on my knees.

And he accepted me back without hesitation, he was pleased.

When I left him, I refused him because he killed a friend.

Now I understand why she loved him until the end.

When she was hurting he was the only one to whom she thought she could depend.

I used him and immediately the pain went away.

I remember we began to hang out every day.

I missed him so much because he was always there.

Almost like a game but he wasn’t playing fair.

It took too long to realize he never cared.

I feel like such a traitor, I told her I’d say no.

I saw him one day and we both went toe to toe.

I wasn’t really feeling that good about me.

He whispered try me you’ll feel better I promise you’ll see.

I read one day about the way he met her.

She expressed how good he felt one day in a love letter.

I was scared and for days and days I hid.

But he knew everything even where I lived.

So I fell in love and gave him all I had to give.

It was like I was in a movie no way for a girl to live.

At first I was jealous of their relationship, because I didn’t know.

That eventually all these horrific events would occur.

You the devil…

Yeah, you in disguise.

I bet you never thought we’d break these ties.

How stupid could I be?

I thought he was my friend.

This is my life I’m taking back.

I’ll never let you win.

Devil, you don’t know the strength behind this pen.

That’s why I wrote this poem for everyone to know.

I’m exposing you heroin so take your tricks and go.

LOST GIRLS (INSERT FROM EPIGRAM)

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/lost-girls-poetry#play

I kept getting these visions over and over again

She’s probably high, real hard to defend

It was during my worst days that I prayed

I was walking through life’s crazy maze

and in an alley way there my friend laid

This was bad news

I was lost and completely confused

And was living in a world of self-centered fools!

I’ve been asking God to send me a sign

Leave this place, right now’s the time

This is where I’m at

This moment is mine

Should I stay?

Or should I go?

Please someone help me ‘cause I don’t know!

All I know is where I’ve been, near death experiences and 100% sin

I’ll never forget how I let this disease win

When I think of the fire I’ve survived

I often wonder why I’m still alive

God has this major plan and I’m so excited cause I haven’t ran

My friend got killed by some crazy man

But I believe she was part of Gods perfect plan

Some have to die for others to live

And for that reason I promise to give all of me to recovery

I have one chance to make this right

And for that reason I promise to always walk in Gods eye sight

Wanna walk in my shoes?

I don’t think so

These are places no one should ever go

 

 

SISTERS (POETRY)

 I pray before I start

Because these words are coming from the deepest part of my heart

I prayed for her like she prayed for me

That the light one day she’d be willing to see

Over the years she told me some of her deepest fears

And I know it”s ok to cry because these are happy tears

I’ve been on the sidelines rooting for her every day

I knew somehow God would help her to find her way

I know she had to fight the whole way through

I know because I’ve been there

I had to fight too

I’ve been some of the same places she’s been

And it hurt at times that I was unable to be her friend

There was some hurt that I was still trying to mend

My love for my sister is deep and true

But I’m still hurt and I’m still healing too

It really hurt to see addiction drag my sister into that hole

It doesn’t discriminate it takes family friends and  Foes

We should have listened when mamma told us to just say no

But my response was always the same…

Mamma I know

Anyway the hurt is still the same

She must have thought I was joking when I told her this was no game

She saw me struggle

Drugs riddled me to the core

And I am so grateful that God has the power to restore

I remember when she cried

She told me she was tired

She could no longer fight

I looked her in the eyes and said

I need you

And I need you on this night

I pleaded for her to stay just a little while more

But just as fast as she came she was back out the door

She looked towards the ground

Looked at me and said

I will be back when I get

ONE MORE

Her eyes were filled with pain

She didn’t want to be loved

She only wanted more cocaine

I pleaded with her to let me help her

She was my baby sister

I pulled her close and hugged and kissed her

And even in my own addiction

I really, really missed her

What I know is she is walking that same dark path

The disease will get you

And it will get you fast

My baby sister is all alone out there on the streets

I want for her so badly to be free

She is my baby sister and that’s all I am able to see

I’m often reminded that the same God taking care of her

Is the same God that took such good care of me

My sister died of an overdose

God has set her free

And He’s still taking care of her

And watching over me

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