Him: My stomach hurts

Me: Whats wrong

Him: I don’t know but I got butterflies in my stomach

Me: Its called love


Help me find

My way


This post was from 2012, wow, what a difference a year makes.


I wake up as I do every night at three in the morning, Blatter weighing heavy on me and the cold from the still room engulfs me. As I get back to my cherry wood Victorian style queen size canopy bed I check my text messages as I normally would. After peeing a river and watching my cat storm glair at me, her ears flare aware of the twinkle sound hitting the porcelain bowl. I think of this secret no one but me and God knows, it hurts so bad to love someone and not be able to tell a soul https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2014/04/28/no-one-knows-but-god-and-mepoetry/

My heart is heavy because I could feel him and I love him and I need him. I looked at my phone my heart leaped out of my chest, my breathing got heavy and poor storm leaped on my bed to my aide. But she was no consolation because it was him I wanted. His text was brief; it read “Hey, You up??” I laid back on my mass of pillows wishing for them to comfort me as I held the phone close to my heart. I could hear the sound of love vibrating through my chest. I needed desperately to move this mountain called love https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2012/09/20/i-moved-that-mountain-poetry/ 

I have tried to replace him with the man from the coffee shop but even that is dangerous to replace someone with someone else the way he did me https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2014/04/28/danger-epigram-poetry-true-story/

I still love him and time hasn’t removed him from my memory yet https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2014/04/28/time-is-an-illusion/,  I look at my Samsung Galaxy android, holding it tight, praying for him to persist making it hard for me to resist…but nothing came. I cried as I normally did after his text messages because only a fool would respond so I knew I couldn’t ): I just wanted him to STOP https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2012/08/14/stop-poetry/  because I am nothing to him, never was and never will be because he is married and could never be mines.

Something in me waits patiently for his demise because she will hurt him again and I won’t be around to nature him back to health,,,FOOL OFME! https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2014/04/28/shades-of-grey-poetry/

I WANT TO FORGET THE DAY WE MET https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2012/08/06/august-18th-haiku/




I have loved you beyond my hearts ability

Screaming blasphemy at my own spiritual immobility

Lusting for life and my own mental fertility

I still love you beyond my own ability

I can’t even make love to you and it’s killing me

And here I am on the edge of hello

Or goodbye

I’m standing on the crossroad of




If I could be anything

I’d be a bird

I would chirp myself a love song

And anyone else who needed a tune

To heal our broken wing

I’d leave behind the world of words

That maliciously left me


If I could be anything

I’d be a bird

I’d chirp myself a new reality

And leave behind this human mentality

If I can be anything I’d be a bird

And at last

I’d be



13 ‘0 clock was where my watch stopped

Living pass my hour glass

Repeating this mantra

This cannot be it

What happens after the brand new car, fancy job, the friends, published books and the degree I always wanted?

I ain’t happy and my thoughts lately have been…THIS CANNOT BE IT!


As I sit on the river listening to my new found freedom.

And my own kind of mixed up, but somewhat sane thoughts.

What a silent pleasure.

I look out at the water.

The muddy essence of the river clouds my nostrils and spider webs scale my face.

Once hated, now loved by me.

I see couples chit chatting, not really hearing the words but more of a whisper, as they walk holding hands.


There was a time I would have gotten angry; because they would have been sure to blow what I thought was a peaceful ride to heaven.

At this moment I only want to be seen riding into my thought.

Maybe so they can get a glimpse at a confused but somewhat sane mind at work.

As they walk by, a part of me wants them to ask?

“Miss, what are you writing?”

My story would only scare them.

I’m better off left alone to sort out this peaceful freedom on paper.

I am in a peaceful but somewhat dense thought.

This density is going nowhere because I notice there are no stars out tonight.

That’s ok…

Might be…

Some tommorow…

If God wakes me up to enjoy yet another peaceful freedom.

Thank you, Sanity

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