HAPPY (POETRY)

I was in a dead zone

And no amount of encouragement could convince me

That

I wasn’t alone

There was a moan in my soul

And every emotion in me was cold

 

And my thoughts lied to me

 

So I did nothing

 

One day I woke up

And the pain subsided

And joy overrides

This dark emotion

 

And for a brief second

 

I was happy

MY AVATAR ( POETRY W/ AUDIO PART 1)

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/my-avatar-part-2-poetry#play

My avatar loves to come out and play

While keeping all the bad people away

Sugar and spice was a fantasy that had been reversed

By an evil curse that keeps sick lyrics playing in my brain

Shame

Shame is I can’t hide from my hazel eyes

That keep seeing me down this wicked path

Where gargoyles were supposed to make me feel safe

And hide me from my tortured fate

And only they know where I’ve been

As my OCD forces me to repeat things

Over

And over

And over again

My avatar plays double dutch, patty cake, hide and seek

And plays these tapes over and over in my mind sometimes for weeks

Non-stop

That’s when my watched stopped

And froze me right there

For pedestrians to stop and stare at me in my obliviance

Ollie-ollie in come free

Is what they scream at me

deeming

Me

Broken

While I’m smoking up on yesterday

And my avatar

She comforts me in my

Disobedience

She comforts me

In my deviants

GOODNESS AND MERCY (POETRY)

Psalms 23:6

I feel there is something

Or someone who or that

Is always there

Watching over and protecting me

They were surely the perfect pair

They weren’t conflicting or argumentive

They were loving

And if you ask me

Much too fair

And even when I was angry

Their love was always there

It’s some Jesus stuff they sprinkle

When things are dark like night

And they will never leave or forsake me

No matter how tough the fight

There is one thing I am sure of

Although my choices aren’t always right

Goodness and Mercy shall follow me

All the days of my life

AUGUST 11th (POETRY W/AUDIO)

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/AUGUST-recording-on-tuesday-2

August came and went

It was just a beautiful seasons

The reason was not a life time

But the lesson

Was forever

LEMONADE (POETRY W/ AUDIO)

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/lemonade-poetry

I will make lemonade

And dance and sing

And laugh and cry

And drive far distances while singing praises

I will stomp and cry

And laugh and talk to myself and ramble on

And cry and laugh and tear up

I will write poetry

And write

And write

And write some more

I will isolate with God

And talk and laugh and drive far distances

I will stop and vent to strangers and God

And cry and sing and laugh and dance

And I will read scriptures and meditate on TD Jakes sermons

And call my best friend and tell her all about my woes

I will hate myself and my decisions and second guess myself

I will meditate on my past

Not just him but her too

And I will dance harder because I know

My break through is on the other side of my stomp

And I will cuddle up to grandmamma

And talk to God, auntie and myself

I will sing my favorite Yolanda Adams song and

And I will sing it loud and cry some more

I will go to self-help groups

Listen to more sermons

Take long walks while singing praises

And think

And cry and laugh

And dance

And squeeze lemons

And I will not hate him

Or her

But in the end

I will thank them

While serving lemonade

In celebration glasses

LESBIAN (POETRY)

I think of all the reasons

I fell in love with

A girl

 

We manipulated these rules

That was given by the maker of this world

 

There was a peaceful dysfunction

In these mental lines

Called love

 

Afraid of this mapped out plan

That had been sent from the heavens above

 

We confused our relationship

That was never supposed to be

 

But she was the mommy I never had the opportunity to see

I was confusing myself

With the truth that  was deep rooted in me

 

I had to let go

For my own spiritual sake

And she has been the only relationship in my life

I have been unable to shake

Mourning – Poetry

I listened to his heart beat

I wrapped my legs between his feet

I watched him sleep and tucked him safely away in the warmth of my sheets

I played with his ears 

Somehow that soothed my fears

About 

Mourning

I scaled his face with my point finger

And I cried

Because

Mourning

Was well on its way

JOINED HEARTS (POETRY)

They were one broken heart

Limping like wounded soldiers

They were

Trying

To find their way back

To something

Tangible

Tombstones in my Mattress – Poetry W/Audio

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/TOMBSTONE IN MY MATTRESS-on-monday-1

I’ve got Tombstones in my Mattress  

Waiting for the next certain death

To join this grave site of men and women I have not yet met

I deem it over before it begins

And I mourn these relationships

Over

And over again

I got Tombstones in my Mattress

And I practice pretending they aren’t there

Potholes and traps for all who enter these tomb filled snares

I got ash cans and grey post

That line the belly of this seam

I got construction going on

In the trinkets of my dreams

In the pit of my Mattress

I call it the dead zone

There building a fortress

And fences

Calling it their home

And they aint even paying rent

I evicted two tenants

And  could care less where they went

I’ve got Tombstones in my Mattress

And I’m prepared to burn this dwelling place

Can’t sleep at night

Without these men staring me in my face

These tombstones have been constructed for over twenty long years

And there comfortable in my bed

Playing spade and swallowing down imported beers

I’m not sad

Depressed

Or angry

I just want these men gone

They’ve been sleeping in my bed with me for twenty years too long

I got diamonds hidden in these dirt filled tombs

Being smothered by dandelions and oversized poisoned mushrooms

My bed has become crowded

And the only person I’m angry at is me

Because I have allowed these men to literally enslave me

I’ve got souls that I desperately need to set free

I keep these memories alive and I hate the reflection I see

I got construction workers knocking walls down building rooms to be filled

While I’m shoveling dirt working hard to empty this dirt filled mill

Gatekeepers come from nowhere, hired in this dark ground of doom

I’ve invited men in to fill these empty tombs

I cannot stand being cramped up in my own bed

I demised a portal

For people who have long time been dead

They have decomposed

Honestly some of them I don’t even know

It’s God awful that their locked in this trench

I’m not sure how much longer I can tolerate this awful stench

Every tombstone has a different face

And a different name

But they’re not much different at all

Really their all the same

I got all these people living in my bed

And it’s deep

It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten a good night’s sleep

I am on the brink of something really big

Tonight, these men are getting the hell up out my bed

I want to be rid of this affliction

So tonight, I’m sure I’ll be handing out some evictions

LIFE RAFT (POETRY)

He asked me to

And I declined

Because the universe had given me a spiritual sign

However

Later on I agreed

And entered myself into a dirty deed

Filled with tentacles and rotten weeds

I will listen the next time the universe gives me a sign

When it tries to save my stubborn behind