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http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/remembering#share

As I sat on the edge of my bed praying for redemption

I felt the knot in my gut spring up in my soul

My body went cold and the memories took control

And I asked God for forgiveness because only he knew what I did

And the people who did it…

I got rid of that thing because I knew it was his

And I hated him

The thing was a monster

I wanted it gone

I wanted it dead

But still so much a part of me

I did not want the world to see

What this man planted in me

I laid still frozen on my back

While I heard the chants from the windows

From murmurs priest and Catholic’s

Screaming

MURDERER!

As one single tear drop fell from my eye

And collided pass my ear and slid down my neck

And froze itself right their

Tickling my neck   

But this was not funny

And I dare not even crack a smile

I laid frozen on my back as the chants got louder

I refuse to cry because that would have been an admission of

Of…

Of…

Of something I dare not admit with this tongue

The thing was a monster

I wanted it gone

I wanted it dead

But still so much a part of me

This thing that lived inside of me

Was haunting me

And I heard him whisper

You are beautiful, as he brushed my hair to the side

Every night at 3 o clock in the morning

And I was mourning for my innocents

That I lost a long time ago

Now I live with this thing

This thing

This monstrous thing!

 

I just knew I’d be free…

As I laid there flat on my back

Spread eagle

Waiting for this thing to exit my womb

I wanted to bury it,,,

Tie a chain to it

And throw it in the sea

OF THE FORGOTTEN

AND THE FORGIVEN

So it can never again resurface

I was praying to have not

One

Single

Memory

Of this event

But here

I lay

20 Years Later

Still

Flat on my back

REMEMBERING…

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Rest (POETRY)


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I AM IN MY FATHERS PRECIOUS HANDS!!

And I just happen to be part of his perfect plan

I’ve been taken to that holy place

But never forget me when you feel the breeze

It’s me kissing your face

GOD MAKES ALL THINGS GOOD

And If I could stay you all know that I would

But he’s been calling me home for some time

And it feels awfully strange

Leaving so many loved ones behind

I want you all to know I’m in an AMAZING place

I’ve left you all with memories that can never be erased

Don’t worry I am fine

I’ve lived my life

And it was just my time

Life is as it should be

Cancer was the excuse but the truth is…

Jesus needed me!

We’re born to die

To live

And I gave life all I had to give

I am finally home

I see familiar faces so don’t worry I’m not alone

Please understand

I AM AT PEACE

Grieve me and dream of me in your sleep

And I promise you will remember when you awake

And all of you being here today

I want you to know this is no mistake

God is in the midst of it all

My name was in that book and I answered to His call

Smell me while you drive

Feel me in your hearts

Hear me in your children’s voices

Remember me but please don’t cry

Because I AM REJOICING with the lord

NEONS!!!!

Far beyond the sky!

HEAVEN!!!!!!

Notice me when the sun shines

When the light flickers

When my favorite song comes on

Feel me when the air is so still

And don’t second guess if I’m there

KNOW THAT I AM!!!!!

Because

I WILL ALWAYS

AND FOREVER!

Live in your hearts...

THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE,,, (POETRY W/AUDIO)

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https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/the-LANGUAGE-oF-love-poetry

I lay and I think.

Love can happen in one simple wink.

And has many times before.

Love is something we have all explored.

Chances we take.

That either makes or breaks our opinion of love.

Fields of emotions.

Like a rose that we chose.

A risk we take, it’s a big deal because it’s our hearts that’s at stake.

Love is like a fire, arsenal of desire, a whirlpool of devotion, and weird subliminal notions.

Bottled up it’s the heart’s magical potion.

Love can be good; love can be bad, love can be happy, love can be sad.

It’s all up to you.

Just as cool as the wind or as painful as a pin poking at your gut.

We’re so easily caught up in love’s clutch.

Or as beautiful as the symphony or diamonds from Tiffany’s.

Love can be sweet as candy or… fine and dandy.

Or as spectacular as fire works with quarks and perks.

Depends on me and how far my love is willing to see.

My love sees rainbows and daffodils like a roller coaster with thrills and exciting twists.

Or that first passionate kiss.

Have you ever listened and heard like a baby’s first words.

It rained yesterday and guess what I saw?

I saw tear drops constantly fall.

I love the sound of rain.

Love should not mean pain.

I used to think love could meet me on the moon and never would be too soon.

Iyanla Vanzant says nurture love and give it every chance you can.

I choose to vent love through my pen and hope this time love will win.

Love has been a symphony of dreams and I have always been on the losing team.

Love can be a fire hard to tame.

Or fall in love and not even know their name.

Love has no faces and doesn’t discriminate between races.

Love can be paint on a canvas.

Splashes of love.

Overwhelming hugs.

That runs through your veins like drugs.

Love is lily’s and quiet little walks in south Philly or silly little looks.

That’s the language of love.

When I think of love I think of hearts being colored in red or children being told stories before they go to bed.

When I think of love I think of pastures filled with butterflies or teachers teaching children how to make tie-dye.

When I think of love I think of how excited my grandma was when she brought my first bra.

When I think of love I think of leaves changing colors in the fall and couples holding hands while shopping in the mall.

When I think of love I think of angels being sent down to lend a hand or birds playing footsies in the sand.

Love will be here when were dead and gone love has been here all along.

Love is something money can’t buy.

Love has many questions…

But no answers.

So don’t ask love… why ?

Use the universe as your source.

Allowing love to take its course.

Thank you, Genuine Love

CREEPY HUGS (POETRY)

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I’m crying out to you.

So please just love me.

I’m obsessed with wanting to be loved.

Like the mountain by the mist.

Held by the vista and its foggy kiss.

Even God loves the earth that’s not even worth the land it occupies.

Dead lies of false love.

Creepy Hug.

And the pull that strains my brain.

Hard to obtain compassion for this game.

I’m sad by this lonely that runs thru these hollow veins.

This lonely makes me crave cocaine.

Can’t deal!

Don’t want to deal with what was.

Remembering those Creepy Hugs.

 

 

 

                                                         

                                      Thank you, Friend’s Uncle.  

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He made me feel like I was in dream

With a lot of gentle

Mixed with a just enough mean

He touched me softly

And my nibbles arose

He even asked me if he could suck my toes

He was nothing like the last man  I choose

He sucked on my nibbles

Like cherries to the seed

I was hungry for this ocean in me to be freed

I rolled over, trying to shift my weight

I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming

It felt like I was in some kind of dream state

He kissed my neck

And he made me moan

He looked in my eyes

Challenging my sensual tone

I tried to get up but he pinned me down

And all I heard was nasty, wet slurping sounds

He had me wet and paralyzed to the bed

His face disappeared and all I saw was his head

Finally he came up for air and kissed me on my face

I pulled him closer because I wanted to taste

And I licked his face leaving non of me to waste

I laid back screaming

Because his tongue felt so good

I really wanted to cum

I really felt like I could

He said

You better not cum

But every emotion in me won

When he went back down

And I began to scream

And I was pissed off when the flight attendant woke me

Realizing

It was only a dream

 

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Wishing I was anorexic to throw up this mess

Heart pounding through my chest

Pedestrians moving slow just to watch this train wreck

In the midst of all the confusion

I try so hard to defuse them

To refuse them

The thoughts that sought after me

As I walk in the valley of the shadow of death

I fear all evil

The reason is treason is why those things hunt for me

And melts my candles dry way before that 100th try

Grown in my pants doing the happy dance

Transforming sin

Only to begin the noise again

Like wolves in the night

The eye can’t see what the mind tries so hard to fight

Scrambling and fighting for what’s right with the wrong

Because God takes too long

Want to live not relive the forgotten, because the roots rotten

But I still try as my dreams fly by

I ain’t fuckin’ around with that evil sound that keeps talkin’ to me and comin’ to me, and wantin’ me!

And the light always shines on my weary soul!

In my heart of heart there’s something I know I need to do

But I can’t remember because I keep falling asleep

Wake me up from this possession I’m in

This desperation I’m in

Nailed to my own personal cross of sorrow

Waiting for tomorrow

To turn it all around!!!!

Before I hear that sadistic sound that knows my name and has everything to gain

But I’m back in that empty room

My own personal tomb

That I dressed up with flowers

Knick knacks

And curtains

To cover the cinder blocks that took me too long to stack

Some little girls waiting for me!

Some little girl is waiting for me!

Some little girl is waiting just for me!

And been waitin’ and waitin’

And she ain’t waitin’ for my sad to take me away

She got some things she got to say

Like

What took you so long?

Lineage

I can’t find my shoe string to my left boot because I unlaced it to shoot up
High on this fentanyl shit
Can’t take it
Enough is enough
My veins are confused
These streets are too ruff
I keep hitting that same vein crying
Dying
Trying hard not to give up
Sick ’cause my friend overdosed
Tryna’ find what she had
Drooling
Hard
Saliva
Getting high with my dad
Can’t stomach this life but which way do I go
I’m already six feet under
Chasing this dragon far reaching
Plateau
I know these streets are cursed
I’m well versed
I’ve planed out my funeral I have it rehearsed
I’ve been living in this nightmare
A sick fantasy
Reversed
Get well or die trying
Can’t stand feeling this hurt
First things first
Gotta find me a bathroom to get this blood out my shirt
I cry because I want out
I cry because I have to get well
I fantasize about being a little girl again
Playing hide and seek and riding porcelain horses
Carousel
Every day gotta find me a way
Gotta find somebody
Somebody help me get well today
Daddy sister aunty and uncle were junkies
Granny was too
I shot dope in the bathroom everyday during school
Fourteen years old
Daddy shot me up first
Two days later daddy was dead
O.D,ed while at work
I stay high because daddy, sister and uncle are gone
Granny too
Its been thirty years
Acute
And I’m still looking for my shoe string I took out of my left boot

Nauseous (Poetry)

 

 

Nauseous from all the sour men I’ve eaten

Understanding my belly more because of them it’s deepened

Watching others cope by cutting while I watch the blood seeping

Tired from this nod spend all my time sleeping

I’ve been confused, panicked and afflicted

Poor me another so I become estranged and addicted

Lady Sings the Blues was my song

Tryna’ wait on God but He seems to take too long

Dancing would have been nice if it wouldn’t have sickened my brain

Spirituality gone wild need a lion trainer to tame

Moonless nights and sunless days

So she plays

And she played

And he paid

Running from her Shadow Knights turning into days

And he stays

Then he strays

So she prays

An evil trick left me sick nervous click felt time tick

Took me days and days till Dawn the universe spinning there’s no Harmony lost in my yawn

Daydreaming

And so I wait

For the universe to deal me a better hand

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