Cursed ~ Poetry

I hold my breath to see how close I come to a dream or somewhere in between
~~~
Night falls carelessly and color is made to feel like something shameful
~~~
So I build a barbie and paint her beautiful
~~~
And I day-dream about a world that is faultless
~~~
I’m tethered to a wish
~~~
A hope for something tangible
~~~
Mamma continuously tells me
~~~
I’m pretty
~~~
So I imagine and pretend
~~~
You’s pretty she says
~~~
And I still feel cursed
~~~
And displaced
~~~
By darkness

Pieces – Poetry

He Loves me to Life

Through a Cross Road of Love

Leaves Vacancies

A diagnosed Disorder

Makes me Doubled Minded

And I began Sculpting Tears

That proclaims me Beautiful

That was Restitution

To The Man on the Bus

He saw my Haunted House

And read my Braille

Sunday November 3^rd at 1am I will not forget

He Was

Like an Icicle

Melted into me

HE LOVES ME TO LIFE! (POETRY W/AUDIO)

CROSSROAD OF LOVE(POETRY)

VACANCIES (POETRY W/AUDIO)

DISORDER (RANDOM THOUGHTS)

DOUBLE MINDED (POEM)

https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2013/11/12/sculpting-tears-poem/

BEAUTIFUL (RANDOM THOUGHT)

RESTITUTION (POEM)

“To the Man on the Bus…” Pages Matam

https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2013/10/30/haunted-house-epigram/

BRAILE (POETRY W/ AUDIO)

SUNDAY NOVEMBER 3 AT 1AM…DON’T FORGET (:

HE WAS…RANDOM THOUGHT

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Pieces – Poetry

The floors creaked and the halls reeked of many things 

And this house knew just what hell this dark could really bring

Drunken silhouettes lined the walls staring blameless straight ahead

Mouthing bad words backwards of everything this house has said

Toy clowns make sounds that only this house could hear

The little girl who lived inside knew

But the others were unaware

Because her eyes saw thing they didn’t

Then the image would disappear

Mom, dad and little girl walked quietly down the halls

Shadows stared pointing fingers

From behind these haunted walls

The air is cold

The wind is strong

Inside this haunted house

The little girl heard every word

But to the visitors

This house stood quiet as a mouse

Mummified tombs

And vacant rooms

Consumed this haunted house

The stench became stronger

Straight from its haunted mouth

And when she tried to warn others that things were not all clear

They looked at her

Patted her head

And brushed her off as weird

The things the walls would tell her

They often cried out loud

She covered her ears

Shook her head real hard

The words were not for a child

I knew the house was black

But the visitors would say…

What a pretty color blue

I looked at them with tainted thoughts

And just pretended everyone else knew

The things this house would tell me

So shaken by its pain

As I got older…

I started to believe everyone but me was sane

I looked at visitors with squinted eyes

Paranoid by their smiles

I made mental notes of each visitor

And planted them in my haunted files

Their evil grins confused me

Like actors, I watched them take their place

While some blended with the walls

It was hard to hide their face

I told this house to leave me

And stop talking in my ear

No matter how hard I tried

The walls I could still hear

We moved and I was so happy

But the wall where still the same

The haunted house had followed me

And I was unprepared for these fucking games

I met the next door neighbor

A boy about my age

I seen the faces peer at me

Beyond his twisted rage

He had something trapped

He held it close

He kept it in a cage

I knew I had to be dreaming

Please turn this FuCking page!!

I asked him what it was

He said his haunted house

But there was nothing in that cage

But just a simple mouse

I couldn’t make him see

What he believed was really there

I looked at him

Shook my head

And brushed him off as weird

We look from different lenses

And it’s hard to find the truth

After meeting this boy

I knew it was time

To do some construction on this haunted roof

It’s frightening to believe that

I was my haunted house

I silenced the walls

They cannot speak

I WROTE away its mouth

The sun could not penetrate these dark and hollow walls

I try not to answer even when the voices call

Now, the cries are still here

But muffled and not so clear

A lot of the things the house said to me

Was really hard to fucking hear

The meds help tame the thoughts

And the voices from the walls

The house is not that scary

But really very small

The walls are really angry

I suppose because I am FREE

I now know

That this haunted house

All along was really ME

 

5th Demention ~ Poetry

Embers of emotions fall like soot and it begins
~~~
I force feed my airwaves and I tell myself it’s ok to breathe again
~~~
Stones lay at my feet and heavy on my lips
~~~
Groans from a place burried deep in the marrow of my hips
~~~
I can’t keep taking this trip
~~~
So pastor took me down in the water to kill the lie
~~~
Everytime I silence myself something in the depth of this secret dies
~~~
Somehow my soul understands this and I’m justified
~~~~
Till I find myself
~~~
Lost
~~~
In the 5th demention
~~~
Till my core strengthens
~~~
Is where I’ll live
~~~
In the arms of
~~~
A memory

Fall back November 5th – Poem – W/Audio

When time departs the essence of a glare

~~~
Leaves change colors and fall victim of the snare
Leaving trees broken bitter and bare

~~~
The winds have no mercy and in cahoots with the air

~~~
The clouds and mother star have disappeared as a pair

~~~
The earth stands still and winds whisper haunting things in my ear

~~~
Time to fall back

~~~
We know

~~~
That winter is near

Memory ~ Poetry

Time
Moves
Catches
Love
And
Holds it right there for you
In a memory

Spirit Guide – Poetry W/Audio

A peace offering to keep you as my guide
~~~
My mommy is very sad you have to take me she wants to accompany me on this ride
~~~
She gave me flowers as a gesture to take me directly to the pearly gate
~~~
She’s been crying and praying all night hoping there’s someone else you can take
~~~
She knows that spirits get lost they roam searching all alone
~~~
They try to find their way back to familiar places that used to be their earthly home
~~~
She was just hoping you’d get me there on time
~~~
She’d like to know if you can walk me to the front of the line
~~~
She’d also like to know if she can take my place
~~~
She told me to tell you if God really needs me to please get me there safe
~~~
If mommy had it her way she’d send you on your way
~~~
But we all will one day meet you and today was just my day

~~~
  

Untitled ~Poerty

East of somewhere
~~~
Where time and matter don’t exist
~~~
Heart heavy from old grief but still very new
~~~
Time has limits and birds fly back home
~~~
Who can stop a river from flowing
~~~
Over beautiful rocks
~~~
That stay wet and never dies
~~~
And Myra waves goodbye

/ˈsto͞opəd/ Scars ~ Poetry

I got tattoos to cover all my stupid scars
~~~
Daddy took me with him and I danced for quarters when I was 6
~~~
I’ve been to stupid bars
~~~
I took daddy to the hospital cause he was too drunk when I was 9
~~~
I learned to drive stupid cars
~~~
I never understood what normal was that concept was stupid far
~~~
Seen things I shouldn’t my life was super hard
~~~
Teacher called CYS
~~~
Wished up-pon stupid stars
~~~
Now every man I get with tells me I have stupid scars
~~~
Shards fragments and residue
~~~
That little girl has been super scarred
~~~
Not enough ink to cover all these stupid scars



~~~
To note: Stu·pid 

/ˈsto͞opəd/

Slang:
Stupid – Fifty levin, plenty, a lot, a large amount, massive amounts, heavy, collection, significant, extensive

Poetry ~ Puberty 1988

So I’m slowly walkin’
Cryin’
Talkin’ to myself in the rain
I tried to off myself
Cut my wrist
Watched blood seep from my veins
I thought of other ways but I’m too young for cocaine
Doctor told me I had a sprain and he bandaged my brain
Slowly getting back to normalcy
Tryna’ stay in my lane
Even though my girlfriends say Brian’s a bum and a fuckin’ lame
I’m 13 years old and my dad tells me things will
Eve-Vent-Chu-Ally change
I give and I give but things seem to stay the same
Listen to your lies
But
You
Do
Nothing
But
Reinjure the sprain
~~~
Mammas tryna’ get me away we took a ride on the train
Till we got to a doctor who tried to diagnose me insaine
I remember when mamma was sick

She had a sprain in her brain
I went with mamma weekly when she took the ride on the train
That led daddy to leave
He tried really hard to explain
~~~
I stayed with the doc for 2 weeks

Until I went back to schoo’
Brian has a new girlfriend now but I don’t give a fuc’ cause I’m coo’
So what I got a new friend now too
I’m off in la-la land
Ativan is my new boo