Waiting for a Real Jesus! – Poetry

He never hears me when I pray
Moving in this corrupt wrong 
’cause waiting on God just seems to take too long
If He is the way the truth and the light
Why did He allow my children to burn to death
In that house on Blue street in the middle of the night
I don’t care what artificial Christians say
Imposter counterfeit contrived
He’s just the typical cliché
A myth to reach the mass
Pastor looking boldly at my 13 year old daughters ass
Mothers of the church turning up their noses calling me fast
My passions only made my Christ queasy
His sacrifice was heroic
I’m sure it didn’t come easy
***
While onlookers gather in the streets
Making haste pointing fingers while He hung  battered and weak

Sinners Traders and Judas secretly know
I looked deep within and asked
 But Lord is it me though 

I know your voice that so mercifully freed us
So I wait patiently and diligently
For a real Jesus!
❤

THANK YOU FOR THE INSPIRATION http://shackledandcrowned.wordpress.com/2013/04/12/friendship/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNoiZAFNYn4

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/a-thousand-miles-of-highway

We were like a thousand miles of highway

With never ending transitions

A tunnel

A pathway

To everywhere

I know we’ve been in la-la land

Somewhere far away on our journey to love

Random tokens of affection straddle my shoulder

And trickle down my spine

And I know he sees my silhouette dancing slowly for the moon

And yesterday he made love to me from across the room

And it was beautiful

Like all the times before

And it was nothing fancy but so much more

We were like a thousand miles of highway

Riding somewhere pass the end of the earth

Falling

We were…

We were…

We were falling in love

We played footsies from across the room

And he smelled me

Because I was his perfume

And no amount of turmoil could penetrate our portal

We were only mere mortals

But we were in love

When he touched me I felt his protection

This was not about sex

But so much more

We were exempt from

Economics

Social acceptability

Or prejudice

He was my white

And I was his black

And there were no “Grey Areas”

We were in a magic place

We were…

On a thousand miles of highway

Lineage – Poetry

I can’t find my shoestring to my left boot ’cause I unlaced it to shoot up
High on this fentanyl shit
Can’t take it
Enough is enough
My veins are confused
These streets are too ruff
***
I keep hitting that same vein crying
Dying
Trying hard not to give up
Sick ’cause my friend overdosed
Denial is safe tells my brain to shut up
***
Tryna’ find what she had
Drooling
Hard
Saliva
Getting high with my dad
***
Can’t stomach this life but which way do I go
I’m already six feet under
Chasing this dragon far reaching
Plateau
***
I know these streets are cursed
I’m well versed
I’ve planned my funeral I have it rehearsed
I’ve been living in this nightmare
A sick fantasy
Reversed
Get well or die trying
Can’t stand feeling this hurt
***
First things first
Gotta’ find me a bathroom to get this blood out my shirt
***
I cry because I want out
I cry because I have to get well
I fantasize about being a little girl again
Playing hide and seek and riding porcelain carousels
***
Every day gotta find me a way
Gotta find somebody
Somebody help me get well today
***
Daddy sister aunty and uncle were junkies
Granny was too
I shot dope in the bathroom everyday during school
Fourteen years old
Daddy shot me up first
Two days later daddy was dead
O.D’ed while at work
***
I stay high because daddy sister and uncle are gone
Granny too
Its been thirty years
Acute
And I’m still looking for my shoe string I took out of my left boot

Nauseous – Poetry

Nauseous from all the sour men I’ve eaten

Understanding my belly more because of them it’s deepened

Watching others cope by cutting while I watch the blood seeping

Tired from this nod spend all my time sleeping

I’ve been confused, panicked and afflicted

Poor me another so I become estranged and addicted

Lady Sings the Blues was my song

Tryna’ wait on God but He seems to take too long

Dancing would have been nice if it wouldn’t have sickened my brain

Spirituality gone wild need a lion trainer to tame

Moonless nights and sunless days

So she plays

And she played

And he paid

Running from her Shadow Knights turning into days

And he stays

Then he strays

So she prays

An evil trick left me sick nervous click felt time tick

Took me days and days till Dawn the universe spinning there’s no Harmony lost in my yawn

Daydreaming

And so I wait

For the universe to deal me a better hand

HE CALLED ME HER (POETRY W/ AUDIO)

Her name flew from his mouth and dangled in the air

She lives in his heart and will always be there

Her name was inches from his lips

The same ones I just kissed

And I’d be fooling myself

If I said he wouldn’t be missed

I looked in his face

And I could see this was no cold case

‘Cause he still loved her

My emotions will have me twisted somewhere beyond belief

And have me so out of touch I’ll be hard to reach

Her name

Her name drifted past my cheek

And stood its position for weeks

And I knew she was there

And he knew I knew

I was drowning in a snap shot

And deserving of every emotion I got

Because I knew he was broken

And he knew I knew

Tonight

Head on 

Crash

Drinking from a half empty glass

And all I could hear was her name

And he and I would never be the same

I try to smile

Going about my day

But my mind is miles

And miles

And miles away

Because I loved him

He called me her name and I froze

I could tell by her name she was who he chose

He is not mine

Please God free me from my insanity

‘Cause all the pieces are with her

That day is a blurr

But what I will never forget

Is that he called me her

I could not pretend

And I dare not give him a chance to do it again

See

Because

He

Is

Not

Mine

Death

I have gone for miles trying to catch your breathe
Lost left me
Lay death upon my chest
Trying to catch the demon that rolls rust
Timely
Unrest
And a phantoms tale swags
and it drags
and it drags
my face sags
And it sags and I’m sad
Because death waits for me

My Dr. told me I had a nervous bleeding in my brain

The judge told me I was criminally insane

I knew some of my crazy was from the cocaine

See I’ve had my lover tied up in the basement for, only God knows when

I looked at him and said…

YOU WILL STAY WITH ME AND YOU’LL STAY UNTIL THE VERY END

Crying clowns and morbid sounds

Crows above

And blood filled tubs 

Mask and cutting glass

Black moons and poison mushrooms

Empty rooms filled with witches brooms

A jackals tale seeing acid trails

A dirty deed planted with demonic seeds

A haunted trust with piercing thrusts

Gagged with rags and gasoline bags

Heart melting eyes singing cryptic lullabies

Tormented mimes with twisted spines

Sickening rhymes with catholic chimes

A fantasy reversed with a witches curse

A dog moon with hidden rooms

A serpent’s tail stuffed with human cells

A joker’s laugh after its evil craft

A rotten kiss with blood filled lips

An evil moon staring at us from the basements tomb

I bound his mouth with tape

I looked around him things starting to take shape

Shift shaper and hate makers whisper in my ear

I stopped taking my meds and things don’t seem real clear

I rub my eyes trying hard to stay awake

My body trembled and my hands began to shake

My Dr. told me I had a nervous bleeding in my brain

The judge told me I was criminally insane

I knew some of my crazy was from the cocaine

See I’ve had my lover tied up in the basement for, only God knows when

I looked at him and said…

YOU WILL STAY WITH ME AND YOU’LL STAY UNTIL THE VERY END 

Fire stones rip through my daydreams

Strong holds

Schemes and tactics

Scream

My name

And life never seemed the same

Winter brought pain froze still up against this game

It was an evil twist

Loving you beyond the bliss was a wicked kiss

That blamed him, her and daddy

For all of this

My heart missed every season

I thought it was you that gave life meaning and reason

But winter strayed

And each beat in my heart was hollow and delayed

Bottomless floors

And empty doors

Were prolonged

For way too long

Until winter

And snowflakes

Froze still

Upon my lips 

Were a thousand rips

That brought lessons

To this season

 

For Halloween I want to be a morphine drip

To let the sun dry me up

And run healing through this broken cup

But there is no sun in October

And the weather is always better after the rain

The atmosphere is clearer

But the environment stays the same

 

For Halloween I want to be a morphine drip

And sip on tomorrow

And lend out me

And get back things people have barrowed

I want to empty this drip 

And let go of Eden that holds on to me with a death grip

The Garden of Eden was not a place

But an atmosphere

And things are not always as beautiful as they may appear

 

For Halloween I want to be a morphine drip

So I can crawl backwards through my veins

And nod sluggishly off into corrosion

Mixing this chemical with the rain

 

I want to be a morphine drip

To plunge into this open rip

Keep me filled to slow this painful trip

 

Drip into this wrought

And saturate every

Contaminated

Delusional

Unclean

Thought

 

Drip until you can only see the whites of my eyes

Please don’t touch me

Because everything that enters me dies

So keep me planted in this metaphoric drip

Because October will soon be gone

I’ve been drowning in a smile

Lie so false pedestrians can see it for miles 

And my heart refuses to sail a ship

Slanted smile across my lips

And an anchor loosely dangles in the curve of my hips

Lightning bolts springing from the bridge of my fingertips

And I mark the day for happiness

To drive a pathway

Thru my heart