Nauseous (Poetry)

mentalnotes1

Nauseous from all the sour men I’ve eaten

Understanding my belly more because of them it’s deepened

Watching others cope by cutting while I watch the blood seeping

Tired from this nod spend all my time sleeping

I’ve been confused, panicked and afflicted

Poor me another so I become estranged and addicted

Lady Sings the Blues was my song

Tryna’ wait on God but He seems to take too long

Dancing would have been nice if it wouldn’t have sickened my brain

Spirituality gone wild need a lion trainer to tame

Moonless nights and sunless days

So she plays

And she played

And he paid

Running from her Shadow Knights turning into days

And he stays

Then he strays

So she prays

An evil trick left me sick nervous click felt time tick

Took me days and days till Dawn the universe spinning there’s no Harmony lost in my yawn

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Endless tears

Endless tears fall on seasons

A valley long to describe a kiss

Of blinded bliss

To wish a where

To bend a tare

Hidden in the deepest parts of my pubic hairs

That left a tear

Falling

The Hunter – Creative writing

He hunted me over deserts and tumbleweeds
It moved like a bounty hunter and had leads on me
When I last saw him in Dakota in 1846 he bloodied my nose
I got away on his horse

Fell to the wayside
Posters over dry land
He searched for me
I moved like a vagabond, running from the ripper
I was a ghost
I thought I had escaped the hunters grip
It scoured taverns, speakeasies and bath houses looking for me
I was clumsy
Running from the hunter
I was set up
Ambushed by love
Betrayed
It caught me off guard
It hip checked me
We tussled
Dragged me by my hair
Like a fuckin’ cave man
To the tavern
While the towns people watched in horror
Some laughed and held the wanted posters up
Pointing fingers
Again
It bloodied my nose
I chuckled
Then stumbled back
I spat
Spat my death in his face
And I laughed
Wickedly
And it shot me!
And I bled
And I bled out

He took a shot of that dirty whisky
Hand on gun

Tilted his hat

Looked around
And said…
Pay me

The hunter

Grief

Chimes

Like life

Ringing through ripples and worlds

Tears made brick

The thought that thinks

I have memories sleeping in the cracks of my walls

And faces urging me to acknowledge them

From beyond these grief filled halls

Swells enter corners of my pillow

So I listen…

For the universe

To tell me

I am not alone

Motivated by: (https://dversepoets.com). 

Symphony of Words – Spoken Word

Perizzites 🕷 lay babies in my brain
Forcing poetic germs 🦠from these mythological veins
I write ✍🏾and put my random thoughts in mind carved frames 🤯🤯🤯
And I bask in my glory playing this poetic game 🤺🤺
My passion has no mercy 🙏🏿
It has no senseless shame
I’m sworn to secrecy 🤫🤫🤫
I have no poetic gain

I savior every image because I don’t want to waste it
🗣Running 🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️from the Antichrist because I know he will hate it 😡
Using this poetry to soothe my poetic nerves 🛀🛀🛀
The truth is I’m lost without these poetic verbs

My garden 🍍🍇🍒🍓🍄🥕🍎🥦🥬is where I plant these poetic seeds
For all who roam my pastures to meditate and read 📚📚📚📚
It gets hard for me to breathe trying to fulfill this poetic plead
I take refuge in these words this is my authentic bread

My roots 🍂 are firmly planted far beyond my poet’s tree!🌴

🗣🗣So I scribe and plant poetic seeds!
I’m addicted to these words!
This is my pathetic need! 😲😲

And if I don’t write ✍🏾✍🏾✍🏾✍🏾

I fear my brain will not remain

Tryna’ master the art of

🗣Poetry!

🗣Memory!

🗣Write!

🗣Retain!

🗣Words!

The Quieting – Poetry

Shhhhh

You will not embarrass me today

We’re walking inside

Don’t bother anyone

And do not!

Knock anything over!

Go inside

Sit down

And shut up!

Sinister (Audio Poetry)

Wires Hang me from lines

Feeling my dysfunction

Misused like concubines
***

Movement sublimes and gesture persuade this tri-polar mind
While

A thesaurus of recordings memoirs and movies wait cynically for the right time
***
They all submit to my personalities
SHHHHHHHH
Whispers: They’re listening
Systematically
***
Waiting for the right time

Always skilled at entering occupied areas

In spite of danger signs
***

!PARANOID!
***

And church can’t sooth me
***

Secret missions scythe my mind and carve 666 in a pattern down my spine

Behind enemy lines

Camouflaged into the walls

Something dragged me aimlessly down haunted halls

Where faces plague me
Past images degrade me

And force me to repeatedly listen to Blue October

Hate me
***

My emotions betray me
Then my thoughts berate me
I go adrift and they sedate me
My instinct violate me
And sensations date rape me
***

Till I wonder to nowhere

And everywhere

And become wonder woman

Doing 100 on 71 South

Demons position curse word to my mouth
***

I live in this hell
This hell!

Critically tryna’ blink myself into a southern bell
***

God made me ugly so He could love me

And you can hate me

I despise ever being born

I’m constantly
And consistently

Begging God

To please relieve me of this thorn

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/remembering#share

As I sat on the edge of my bed praying for redemption 

I felt the knot in my gut spring up in my soul

My body went cold and the memories took control

And I asked God for forgiveness because only he knew what I did

And the people who did it…

I got rid of that thing because I knew it was his

And I hated him

The thing was a monster

I wanted it gone

I wanted it dead

But still so much a part of me

I did not want the world to see

What this man planted in me

I laid still frozen on my back

While I heard the chants from the windows

From murmurs priest and Catholic’s

Screaming

MURDERER!

As one single tear drop fell from my eye

And collided pass my ear and slid down my neck

And froze itself right there

Tickling my neck

But this was not funny

And I dare not even crack a smile

I laid frozen on my back as the chants got louder

I refuse to cry because that would have been an admission of

Of…

Of…

Of something I dare not admit with this tongue

The thing was a monster

I wanted it gone

I wanted it dead

But still so much a part of me

This thing that lived inside of me

Was haunting me

And I heard him whisper

You are beautiful, as he brushed my hair to the side

Every night at 3 o clock in the morning

And I was mourning for my innocents

That I lost a long time ago

Now I live with this thing

This thing

This monstrous thing!

I just knew I’d be free…

As I laid there flat on my back

Spread eagle

Waiting for this thing to exit my womb

I wanted to bury it,,,

Tie a chain to it

And throw it in the sea

OF THE FORGOTTEN

AND THE FORGIVEN

So it can never again resurface

I was praying to have not

One

Single

Memory

Of this event

But here

I lay

20 Years Later

Still

Flat on my back

REMEMBERING…

CREEPY HUGS – POETRY

 

I’m crying out to you

So please just love me

I’m obsessed with wanting to be loved

Like the mountain by the mist

Held by the vista and its foggy kiss

Even God loves the earth that’s not even worth the land it occupies

Dead lies of false love

Creepy Hug

And the pull that strains my brain

Hard to obtain compassion for this game

I’m sad by this lonely that runs thru these hollow veins

This lonely makes me crave cocaine

Can’t deal

Don’t want to deal with what was

Remembering those Creepy Hugs

 

 

 

                                                         

                                  

He made me feel like I was in dream

With a lot of gentle

Mixed with a just enough mean

He touched me softly

And my nibbles arose

He even asked me if he could suck my toes

He was nothing like the last man  I choose

He sucked on my nibbles

Like cherries to the seed

I was hungry for this ocean in me to be freed

I rolled over, trying to shift my weight

I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming

It felt like I was in some kind of dream state

He kissed my neck

And he made me moan

He looked in my eyes

Challenging my sensual tone

I tried to get up but he pinned me down

And all I heard was nasty, wet slurping sounds

He had me wet and paralyzed to the bed

His face disappeared and all I saw was his head

Finally he came up for air and kissed me on my face

I pulled him closer because I wanted to taste

And I licked his face leaving non of me to waste

I laid back screaming

Because his tongue felt so good

I really wanted to cum

I really felt like I could

He said

You better not cum

But every emotion in me won

When he went back down

And I began to scream

And I was pissed off when the flight attendant woke me

Realizing

It was only

Just

A dream