I will never again
Allow myself to feel
The pain
Of being
Out of love
I won’t die
Ever again
Such a painful death
Hollow
Love is too expensive
Every interaction has become suspect and defensive
I borrowed, stole and emptied my center and I paid
Now every beat in my heart has become hollowed and delayed
And it captured me
Sometimes I can hear it
Your spirit
I feel it
When I peel you
Off of me
I fear you when you scale my soul
And antagonize me with your mind control
But I can’t tell anyone
No one but me and God knows
See, my tears drown me
And the thoughts surround me
The most profound artery
The heart
The best part of me
And a picture is still not worth a thousand words
Here I sit
Caged by this weapon
This lesson
This transgression
An invisible blessing
That awaits me after the rain
Cause we won’t sustain
Without a little pain
You would crucify me
If you could see
Thank God no one can ever know
But God and me
Only a fool continues to think about
What was
But worst of all
What could never be
And it hurts
That no one can know
But God and me
And his lesson has not fallen on deaf ears
So I am grateful that he was their
To catch my every tear
But it still hurts
That no one can ever know
But God and me
“The Safest Place”
In my heart
Your love has found
The safest hiding place
Inside is a field And trees and a lake Around is a wall
No-one from hell could break
In there you’ll shine
In there you will cry
My heart has been a lonely warrior
Who’s been to war
So you can be sure
In my heart your love has found
The safest hiding place Inside is a stream
Around is a wall
No-one from hell could break In there will shine
The light of heaven’s eye
In there you will cry
My heart’s been a lonely warrior
Who’s been to war
So you can be sure
Your love’s in a sacred place
The safest hiding place
My heart has been a lonely warrior before
Who’s been to war
So you can be sure
MY SOUL CRIES OUT
Goodbye…
It must have taken him a lot of courage
To muster up just that one word
Not even a thousand of the loudest whispers
Could hide the fact
That my energy was too big for his room
He will try
And he will try hard
But his heart will never let him forget
My heart has been suctioned from my chest
Unfortunately
There are very few pieces left
Feeble attempts at trying to mask
This impossible task
I asked God to send me some angles
I need armies of them
And I need them fast
He is not him
And I realize I have victimized myself again
My days seen mundane
And there is a constant storm brewing in my brain
My nerves are scard
And my days seem like centuries behind these tortured bars
Moving from the chatter won’t matter
Because the only one I want is
Him
Please God just give him back
Love transformed me
Nobody warned me
Of this dis-ease
MOURNING (POETRY)
I listened to his heart beat
I wrapped my legs between his feet
I watched him sleep and tucked him safely away in the warmth of my sheets
I played with his ears
Somehow that soothed my fears
About
Mourning
I scaled his face with my point finger
And I cried
Because
Mourning
Was well on its way
THE WAY THEY WERE (POETRY W/ AUDIO)
I heard the desperation
In a voice that had been dry
Because he was denied
And it was her flesh that cried
He wanted her to see
The man he so desperately needed to be
A chain reaction
Turned into
A fraction
Multiplied
By love
But three doesn’t equal two
And chances are
Things will never be the same
Can she ever really change?
It’s his heart that’s been stained
By her
And her
And her
And her
He just wishes
Things
Could
Go back
To
The way
They were
mentalnotes1 