OCD (Poetry)

I need a hospital to sooth my broken lows

Free me

While my OCD has me counting

Every

Memory

Since 1963

And they lied to me

So I shower

Obsessively

Over

And over

And over again

And I’m well aware

That I’m fckin’ weird

I am a complete waist

Stay with me

While I live inside this twisted place

I savoir every image

I don’t want to waste it

Running from the anti-Christ

Because I know he will hate it

Using this poetry to sooth my poetic nerves

But the truth is I’m lost without these prophetic verbs

Words!

AN E-MAIL FROM MY MENTALLY ILL BROTHER (I CRIED)

This is an e-mail my brother sent me. He suffers from mental illness.

A real bad case of it, I cried when I read it.

I’m hurt

And I’m embarrassed

THERE’S BEEN SLANDER ON MY NAME

I can’t tell anybody else how embarrassed I am

I mean, I just can’t

To show some pride to whose got me embarrassed

When I do that it makes me more embarrassed

Much more

It’s like

I’m embarrassed out of the nicer things of life

I know there is something wrong with me

And I know I’m going to fall to the wayside of life

From being embarrassed of somebody that’s bad

I can’t even get through the gates heave

I feel like I’m going to fall to the wayside  of life sis

The wayside!

Can you save me like some super women?

Or somebody better?

Can you help me move and I’ll go to college?

And do everything you say

Send me a message if you could console me out

And now it’s like I’m embarrassed out of the nicer things out of life

And that’s the only thing wrong

The wayside because of somebody bad

Can’t even get through the gates heaven

And I feel hate to the deep of my blood

Can you save me like a super woman?

Can you save like a super woman?

Can you save me like super women?

Or somebody better

MY AVATAR ( POETRY W/ AUDIO PART 1)

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/my-avatar-part-2-poetry#play

My avatar loves to come out and play

While keeping all the bad people away

Sugar and spice was a fantasy that had been reversed

By an evil curse that keeps sick lyrics playing in my brain

Shame

Shame is I can’t hide from my hazel eyes

That keep seeing me down this wicked path

Where gargoyles were supposed to make me feel safe

And hide me from my tortured fate

And only they know where I’ve been

As my OCD forces me to repeat things

Over

And over

And over again

My avatar plays double dutch, patty cake, hide and seek

And plays these tapes over and over in my mind sometimes for weeks

Non-stop

That’s when my watched stopped

And froze me right there

For pedestrians to stop and stare at me in my obliviance

Ollie-ollie in come free

Is what they scream at me

deeming

Me

Broken

While I’m smoking up on yesterday

And my avatar

She comforts me in my

Disobedience

She comforts me

In my deviants

INSOMNIA (POETRY W/ AUDIO)

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/INSOMNIA -poetry

Finger tips and microchips dissect my random thoughts

While movies play obsessively of all that daddy taught

I’m here once a week tryn’a get the bugs out my head

But the only thing this quack does is prescribe another fuckin med

Bugaboos and daja vu’s taunt my twisted brain

Perplexing me and vexing me

Take me out these fuckin chains

I shift my body loosely tryn’a pull back on the reins

But these voices keep whispering to me

Saying

VOICES: You know you’re fucking insane

Clouds of shame

Socially stained

Fully engulfed in this cryptic game

I can’t escape these aweful memories

So  I try and write away the pain 

I lay there blamelessly

As he dissects my twisted mind

ME: Yea I know

As he looks ahead and says

DOCTOR: Were out of fucking time

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

ME: Yea I know

DOCTOR: Were out of fucking time

ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK

BIPOLAR (RANDOM WARNING)

WARNING…

THE PEACE MAKER MADE ME POST THIS

THE SKITZOFRANTIC 52 YEAR OLD CAUCASION MAN WARNED HER NOT TO

HE BELIEVES THIS SITE IS FOR BELIEVERS, DREAMERS

AND THE HIGHLY MOTIVATED AND THEY ALL WANT HIM DEAD

THERE ARE ABOUT 8 PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY MIND

OF ALL DIFFERENT NATIONALITIES, SIZES, AGES AND GENDER

SCREEMING TO BE HEARD

THEY ARE ALL TRYING TO GET ALONG IN SUCH A SMALL SPACE

NOT ALWAYS EASY

I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE IF YOU READ ANYTHING OFFENSIVE OR CONTROVERSAL

I HAVE VERY LITTLE IF ANY CONTROL OVER ANY OF THEM

O BOY,,,

HOLD ON FOR THE RIDE…..

I AM A SUCKER FOR LOVE AND A SOB STORY, I AM DEFINITELY FOR THE UNDER DOG. I AM A LITTLE WIERD BUT VERY LOVING, I AM PERFECTLY IMPERFECT BUT SHHHH DONT TELL ANYONE (:  I AM ALSO A RECOVERING HERION ADDICT MY CLEAN DATE IS SEPTEMBER 24 2010, ALTHOUGH I DONT LIKE LABELS, I UNDERSTAND I CAN NOT USE DRUGS IN MODERATION UNDER ANY CURCUMSTANCES. I STAY CLEAN NO MATTER HOW BAD OR GOOD I FEEL THATS IT THATS ALL NO COMPROMISE! I WROTE A POETRY BOOK CALLED MENTAL NOTES ABOUT ADDICTION AND ALL THE INSANITY ASSOCIATED WITH IT I HAVE RANDOMLY BEEN POSTING PIECES OF THE BOOK TO MY BLOG. HERE IS THE KINDLE LINK  http://www.amazon.com/Mental-Notes-ebook/dp/B005VX0WL8/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1353151329&sr=1-1&keywords=MENTAL+NOTES+BY+LATOYA+HARRISI AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THE ROAD I AM TRAVELING!

THERE IS WAY TO MUCH I CAN SAY ABOUT ME BUT I WONT BORE U WITH MY WAY TO BORING BIO. WE ALL HAVE ONE COMMON BOND, WE LOVE TO WRITE.

I AM STILL TRYING TO FIGURE ALL THIS OUT (LIFE) IN THE MEAN TIME I WILL DO WHAT THE UNIVERSE HAS CALLED ME TO DO…WRITE

UNTIL WEE MEET AGAIN,,,,LUV YA, LATOYA

     

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/my-avatar-part-3-poetry#

This twisted kiss

I’m hating this

Exposing all this fckin’ shit

The word play

The comments today

Lead me down a path of twisted no where’s

With shares and likes

But who is it that really sits behind that pc

From my solace carries malice

But you wouldn’t know just by reading me

Never seeing me but looking thru me

From my reality

My Avatar

She waves goodbye to me

Only a morbid sign

Of rotten chimes

Sounds of angels

But the root is mangled

And I will never be granted my wings

Because off all the bad things I’ve seen

As I watch her play on that wicked and rusted swing

Posting this shit for you to read between what’s caught

The twisted thoughts

A fckin’ sadist

 Is how I made this

Sick game

For her own personal gain

Re-lived

Innocents

Free me from this dark cloud of razor blades

Anxiety and depression

Living in this lesson

That I tainted with my own haunted files

I only needed her for a little while

Now bats circle my bed

Like a storm brewing over my head

And stewing in suicidal thoughts

Caught in a web

That keeps me isolated

Gabriel keeps trying to get me to journey the map

It’s a silly trap and I remember the road that it traveled for way too long

Singing hate me by Blue October http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddxgsvjinlu

Left

Right

And none are right so I lose sight

Of what’s right with the wrong

And I listen while crying to Blue October’s song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddxgsvjinlu

Hate me

 

MY AVATAR ( SHORT READ, POETRY FORM PART 1).

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/my-avatar-poetry#play

Why give me this body that imprisons my soul? 

I Rome this bruised space hiding from my own disgrace

That spills over in my world

That only knows me as a little girl

But I am a woman!

And I know because I have the scars to prove it

I have tits and ass like an hour glass

And puberty has been years passed

But I am still a little girl

And my avatar wants to leave because I won’t let her breathe

Smothering her with my fears of

Today …

Tomorrow…

And most of all yesterday

But she stays to play anyway

Realistic

Misogynistics

Can’t stand her because

She is protected

By her avatar

https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2012/02/04/my-avatar-short-read-poetry-form-part-2/

https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2012/11/16/my-avatar-poetry-part-3-w-audio/

https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2012/11/20/my-avatar-part-4/

https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2012/11/20/footnote-my-avatar/

I am a writer, and the joy of being a writer is having some versatility. I get to write about whatever I want, and hope you, the reader, can find some common ground. “My Avatar” is dark; she is the little girl that lives in me, she is a spoiled, rotten, weird, little brat.  She is all my fears and a product of every person who ever hurt me. She is all my resentments I still work so hard to let go of still today. She is a product of every man that ever broke my heart, starting with my father.

She is the product of a mother who was murdered and a father who was never around. “My Avatar” the character is a lot of things, but most of all she is afraid. She is afraid of you and she is afraid of the woman in me that continues to discipline her. “My Avatar” is more than a little dark. I love this project because it challenged me as a writer to write about something different.

When I read books, stories and poetry I often wonder if the people are anything like what or who they write about. Of course we are our characters on some level.

I had to put this footnote in this book. I had some friends who I trust to critique some of my writings ask me if I was alright. That made me smile; an effective writer should impact the reader. I believe I had done that. My hope is it will impact you the same way it did my friends who critiqued my manuscript. Of course I am ok, just me doing what I love to do, write.

WELCOME TO MY PEACEFUL INSANITY

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/my-avatar-poetry#play

Why give me this body that imprisons my soul?

I Rome this bruised space hiding from my own disgrace

That spills over in my world

That only knows me as a little girl

But I am a woman!

And I know because I have the scars to prove it

I have titts and ass like an hour glass

And puberty has been years passed

But I am still a little girl

And my avatar wants to leave because I won’t let her breathe

Smothering her with my fears of

Today …

Tomorrow…

And most of all yesterday

But she stays to play anyway

Realistic

Misogynistic

Can’t stand her because

She is protected

By her avatar

My avatar loves to come out and play

While keeping all the bad people away

Sugar and spice was a fantasy that had been reversed

By an evil curse that keeps sick lyrics playing in my brain

Shame

Shame is I can’t hide from my hazel eyes

That keep seeing me down this wicked path

Where gargoyles were supposed to make me feel safe

And hide me from my tortured fate

And only they know where I’ve been

As my OCD forces me to repeat things

Over

And over

And over again

My avatar plays double dutch, patty cake, hide and seek

And plays these tapes over and over in my mind sometimes for weeks

Non-stop

That’s when my watched stopped

And froze me right there

For pedestrians to stop and stare at me in my obliviance

Ollie-ollie in come free

Is what they scream at me

deeming

Me

Broken

While I’m smoking up on yesterday

And my avatar

She comforts me in my

Disobedience

She comforts me

In my deviants

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/my-avatar-part-3-poetry#

This twisted kiss

I’m hating this

Exposing all this fckin’ shit

The word play

The comments today

Lead me down a path of twisted no where’s

With share and likes

But who is it that really sits behind that pc

From my solace carries malice

But you wouldn’t know just by reading me

Never seeing me but looking thru me

From my reality

My Avatar

She waves goodbye to me

Only a morbid sign

Of rotten chimes

Sounds of angels

But the root is mangled

And I will never be granted my wings

Because off all the bad things I’ve seen

As I watch her play on that wicked and rusted swing

Posting this shit for you to read between what’s caught

The twisted thoughts

A fckin’ sadist

 Is how I made this

Sick game

For her own personal gain

Re-lived

Innocents

Free me from this dark cloud of razor blades

Anxiety and depression

Living in this lesson

That I tainted with my own haunted files

I only needed her for a little while

Now bats circle my bed

Like a storm brewing over my head

And stewing in suicidal thoughts

Caught in a web

That keeps me isolated

Gabriel keeps trying to get me to journey the map

It’s a silly trap and I remember the road that it traveled for way too long

Singing hate me by Blue October http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddxgsvjinlu

Left

Right

And none are right so I lose sight

Of what’s right with the wrong

And I listen while crying to Blue October’s song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddxgsvjinlu

Hate me

 

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/my-avatar-part-4-poetry#play

Hate me for loving you and losing me

I can’t stand the saying it

It’s gonna be what it’s gonna be

Fckin’ misogynistics!

I risk it

My mind

Screams

Get the fckin’ razor blades and just end this fckin’ shit

My avatar sings lullabies as the thoughts slowly persist

Somewhere pass my rain

Getting high on cocaine

While singing

Fuc the world and this little girl

I use as protection

She is my reflection

She is my avatar

My perfection

I muse just to confuse

Traveling roads with agonistic fools

 I was the one who was lost

And left behind

With this ghost

That was not free

Because my avatar refused to grow up with me

My adversaries wanted to marry me and carry me pass my expiration date

But it was fate that tipped the scales

And did all that it could to release me from my cell

Faith led me back to my avatar that tucked me away

Safe

In a deep denial 

Filed

Memories

Confidential and sadistic

If you are lost by these words

You may need to read this again

Because you missed it

Go ahead

Read it again

And relive my insanity

Over

And over 

And over again

If it’s too hard for you to find

Here is a hint

It’s hidden

Hidden somewhere between these twisted lines

Somewhere mangled with the rhyme

I need a hospital to sooth my broken lows

From black coals free-basin’ in my soul

And I need something beautiful

Like henna

Or a wedding song to keep me in my fantasy

Misogynism romances me

Dances with me

Deceives me

And never leaves my side

My avatar seems so free

She laughs at my anxiety

While my OCD has me counting

Every

Memory

Since 1983

And they lied to me

So I shower

Obsessively

Over

And over

And over again

And I’m well aware

That I’m fckin’ weird

My avatar keeps me safe

While I live inside this twisted place

MY AVATAR PART 2

MY AVATAR ( POETRY W/ AUDIO PART 1)

MY AVATAR (POETRY PART 3 W/ AUDIO)

https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2012/11/20/my-avatar-part-4/