!INSOMNIA!

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/INSOMNIA -poetry

Finger tips and microchips dissect my random thoughts

While movies play obsessively of all that daddy taught

I’m here once a week tryn’a get the bugs out my head

But the only thing this quack does is prescribe another fuckin’ med

Bugaboos and daja vu’s taunt my twisted brain

Perplexing me and vexing me

Take me out these fuckin chains

I shift my body loosely tryn’a pull back on the reins

But these voices keep whispering to me

Saying

VOICES: You know you’re fuckin’ insane

Clouds of shame

Socially stained

Fully engulfed in this cryptic game

I can’t escape these awful memories

So  I try and write away the pain 

I lay there blamelessly

As he dissects my twisted mind

ME: Yea I know

As he looks ahead and says

DOCTOR: Were out of fucking time

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

ME: Yea I know

DOCTOR: Were out of fucking time

Winter stayed and every beat in my heart was hollowed and delayed ❤

mentalnotes1

Fire stones rip through my daydreams

Strong holds

Schemes and tactics

Screams

My name

And life never seemed the same

Winter brought pain froze still up against this game

It was an evil twist

Loving you beyond the bliss was a wicked kiss

That blamed him, her and daddy

For all of this

My heart missed every season

I thought it was you that gave life meaning and reason

But winter stayed

And each beat in my heart was hollow and delayed

Bottomless floors

And empty doors

Were prolonged

For way too long

Until winter

And snow flakes

Froze still

Upon my lips

Where a thousand rips

That brought lessons

To this season

 

View original post

Randomly posting old pieces ❤

 



mentalnotes1

The seclusion

The confusion

Tryna’ lose them

THE THOUGHTS

Pray for me

Stay with me

Just lay with me

Stay away from me

INSANITY!

The pain I can’t keep you from

No matter how hard I try

My spirit won’t let me run

From

THE PAIN!

The contusions

Cant move them

Didn’t choose them

Can’t sooth them

That’s why

Time is an Illusion

The minutes

Hours

Days

They won’t let me forget

That it’s the thoughts

In your head

I try and resist

Yes

YOUR THOUGHTS

I’m not psychic

But sometimes I feel you and it’s heavy

And can’t no levee tame your tidal wave of emotion

AND I AINT TALKIN’ BOUT LOVE…

If I knew what you knew

I’d tell time it was a lie

But the truth can’t be ignored

No matter how hard I try

EVIDENCE!

I can’t put expectations on TIME

Because it will always let me down

View original post 38 more words

Related image

He made me feel like I was in dream

With a lot of gentle

Mixed with a just enough mean

He touched me softly

And my nibbles arose

He even asked me if he could suck my toes

He was nothing like the last man  I choose

He sucked on my nibbles

Like cherries to the seed

I was hungry for this ocean in me to be freed

I rolled over, trying to shift my weight

I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming

It felt like I was in some kind of dream state

He kissed my neck

And he made me moan

He looked in my eyes

Challenging my sensual tone

I tried to get up but he pinned me down

And all I heard was nasty, wet slurping sounds

He had me wet and paralyzed to the bed

His face disappeared and all I saw was his head

Finally he came up for air and kissed me on my face

I pulled him closer because I wanted to taste

And I licked his face leaving non of me to waste

I laid back screaming

Because his tongue felt so good

I really wanted to cum

I really felt like I could

He said

You better not cum

But every emotion in me won

When he went back down

And I began to scream

And I was pissed off when the flight attendant woke me

Realizing

It was only

Just

A dream

 

Fire stones rip through my daydreams

Strong holds

Schemes and tactics

Screams

My name

And life never seemed the same

Winter brought pain froze still up against this game

It was an evil twist

Loving you beyond the bliss was a wicked kiss

That blamed him, her and daddy

For all of this

My heart missed every season

I thought it was you that gave life meaning and reason

But winter stayed

And each beat in my heart was hollow and delayed

Bottomless floors

And empty doors

Were prolonged

For way too long

Until winter

And snow flakes

Froze still

Upon my lips

Where a thousand rips

That brought lessons

To this season

 

The walk

He walks

We walk

As they watch

Feet hitting pavement

Feeling no breeze

And their shoulders

Feel the weight

Of

Death

The seclusion

The confusion

Tryna’ lose them

THE THOUGHTS

Pray for me

Stay with me

Just lay with me

Stay away from me

INSANITY!

The pain I can’t keep you from

No matter how hard I try

My spirit won’t let me run

From

THE PAIN!

The contusions

Cant move them

Didn’t choose them

Can’t sooth them

That’s why

Time is an Illusion

The minutes

Hours

Days

They won’t let me forget

That it’s the thoughts

In your head

I try and resist

Yes

YOUR THOUGHTS

I’m not psychic

But sometimes I feel you and it’s heavy

And can’t no levee tame your tidal wave of emotion

AND I AINT TALKIN’ BOUT LOVE…

If I knew what you knew

I’d tell time it was a lie

But the truth can’t be ignored

No matter how hard I try

EVIDENCE!

I can’t put expectations on TIME

Because it will always let me down

So I pray away the thoughts

And play meditational sounds

Just to bring time back to its original state

Can’t run from pain

Can’t hide from fate

Cause time will never wait

That’s why

TIME IS AN ILLUSION

This post was from 2012, wow, what a difference a year makes.

 

I wake up as I do every night at three in the morning, Blatter weighing heavy on me and the cold from the still room engulfs me. As I get back to my cherry wood Victorian style queen size canopy bed I check my text messages as I normally would. After peeing a river and watching my cat storm glair at me, her ears flare aware of the twinkle sound hitting the porcelain bowl. I think of this secret no one but me and God knows, it hurts so bad to love someone and not be able to tell a soul https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2014/04/28/no-one-knows-but-god-and-mepoetry/

My heart is heavy because I could feel him and I love him and I need him. I looked at my phone my heart leaped out of my chest, my breathing got heavy and poor storm leaped on my bed to my aide. But she was no consolation because it was him I wanted. His text was brief; it read “Hey, You up??” I laid back on my mass of pillows wishing for them to comfort me as I held the phone close to my heart. I could hear the sound of love vibrating through my chest. I needed desperately to move this mountain called love https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2012/09/20/i-moved-that-mountain-poetry/ 

I have tried to replace him with the man from the coffee shop but even that is dangerous to replace someone with someone else the way he did me https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2014/04/28/danger-epigram-poetry-true-story/

I still love him and time hasn’t removed him from my memory yet https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2014/04/28/time-is-an-illusion/,  I look at my Samsung Galaxy android, holding it tight, praying for him to persist making it hard for me to resist…but nothing came. I cried as I normally did after his text messages because only a fool would respond so I knew I couldn’t ): I just wanted him to STOP https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2012/08/14/stop-poetry/  because I am nothing to him, never was and never will be because he is married and could never be mines.

Something in me waits patiently for his demise because she will hurt him again and I won’t be around to nature him back to health,,,FOOL OFME! https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2014/04/28/shades-of-grey-poetry/

I WANT TO FORGET THE DAY WE MET https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2012/08/06/august-18th-haiku/

I JUST WANT HIM OFF OF ME!    I’M LEFT WITH A BROKEN HEART AND SOME WONDERFUL POEMS, FOOL OF ME!

 

 

HOMELESS (POETRY)

HOMELESS

FORMLESS

NONCONFORMIST

USELESS

LAZY

DIRTY

IGNORANT

PITIFUL

PLAGUE

MAN MADE

UNSOCIOLIZED

CRITICIZED

TRAUMATIZED

IMMOBILIZED

SODUMIZED

GHOST EYES

CAGED UP RACE

PAINTED ON FACE

DISCIPLINED RACE

A LOST CASE

A F***** WAIST

 

LAZY

DIRTY

IGNORANT

PITIFUL

PLAGED

MAN MADE

SOCIOLIZED

TRAUMATIZED

HOMELESS

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