Walking blindly into a deep abyss.
But still willing to take that fatal kiss.
The cover that loomed above.
Drowning in a fantasy of lies and forbidden love.
Smeared with deception so thick it couldn’t be cut.
Needing so desperately to close a door I was unable to shut.
My heart is so heavy and my belly won’t obey.
My mind says one thing, but the ache in my heart won’t go away.
This fantasy I created.
Oh, how I wish it were real.
But my anger won’t let me forget what this man tried so hard to steal.
Its only been a little while.
I was empty.
And so it didn’t take long.
Before my fantasy turned into that same tragic song.
Denial was the essence that enabled me not to see.
That this man was not my future or even part of my destiny.
DECEPTION mailed with a smile.
I could see it for miles but laid in my own denial.
Trails, tracks and footprints so many clues.
Can’t blame him cause I chose to play the fool.
Heart won’t stop pounding thru my chest.
Could be feeling worse thought I had mastered this mess.
Tired of feeling my own heartbeat!
Tired of listening to my own lies!
Though I know the truth I still lie in my own denial!
Got to force myself to eat!
Tossing and turning between my own sheets.
I finally ball myself up in a knot and cry myself to sleep.
Accepting complete defeat.
On my knees praying, crying and begging God for emotional freedom…
But still wanting so, so, so, so, so, so badly just to see him.
Just to kiss him.
Just to touch him.
Justa, justa what!!!!
Well if I knew I wouldn’t be writing so fucking much.
My thinking is so jilted its hard just to concentrate.
But I’m going to hold on and if I do eventually I will be back in a peaceful state.
I will get thru this and there will be another guy and hopefully I won’t have to tell the next one goodbye.
One more thing, I WILL NOT GET HIGH.