Seasonal you are
Only the breath I breathe in
Capture and release
Haiku Untitled
Caged
A broken wing
To hang a thing
To think a thing
Then become that thing
Only I can see
And the many people who live in me
Somethings fucking wrong with me
An open rip
My brain is nipped
Aliens have me microchipped
Where the blackness hung
Hung me there
Hung me in the wood somewhere
And nowhere
I will my mind to not betray me
From beyond the thoughts
Sounding things
Exposing me
White noise urging me
Eyes were watching me
My heart was chasing me
My breath was racing me
Exhaust
Did
Live in me
To end this pain
Nervous bleeding in my brain
Dragged me back to somewhere and nowhere
At once
Everywhere
This!
Insanity
Living with
Social Anxiety
http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/remembering#share
As I sat on the edge of my bed praying for redemption
I felt the knot in my gut spring up in my soul
My body went cold and the memories took control
And I asked God for forgiveness because only he knew what I did
And the people who did it…
I got rid of that thing because I knew it was his
And I hated him
The thing was a monster
I wanted it gone
I wanted it dead
But still so much a part of me
I did not want the world to see
What this man planted in me
I laid still frozen on my back
While I heard the chants from the windows
From murmurs priest and Catholic’s
Screaming
MURDERER!
As one single tear drop fell from my eye
And collided pass my ear and slid down my neck
And froze itself right there
Tickling my neck
But this was not funny
And I dare not even crack a smile
I laid frozen on my back as the chants got louder
I refuse to cry because that would have been an admission of
Of…
Of…
Of something I dare not admit with this tongue
The thing was a monster
I wanted it gone
I wanted it dead
But still so much a part of me
This thing that lived inside of me
Was haunting me
And I heard him whisper
You are beautiful, as he brushed my hair to the side
Every night at 3 o clock in the morning
And I was mourning for my innocents
That I lost a long time ago
Now I live with this thing
This thing
This monstrous thing!
I just knew I’d be free…
As I laid there flat on my back
Spread eagle
Waiting for this thing to exit my womb
I wanted to bury it,,,
Tie a chain to it
And throw it in the sea
OF THE FORGOTTEN
AND THE FORGIVEN
So it can never again resurface
I was praying to have not
One
Single
Memory
Of this event
But here
I lay
20 Years Later
Still
Flat on my back
REMEMBERING…
For Halloween I want to be a morphine drip
To let the sun dry me up
And run healing through this broken cup
But there is no sun in October
And the weather is always better after the rain
The atmosphere is clearer
But the environment stays the same
For Halloween I want to be a morphine drip
And sip on tomorrow
And lend out me
And get back things people have barrowed
I want to empty this drip
And let go of Eden that holds on to me with a death grip
The Garden of Eden was not a place
But an atmosphere
And things are not always as beautiful as they may appear
For Halloween I want to be a morphine drip
So I can crawl backwards through my veins
And nod sluggishly off into corrosion
Mixing this chemical with the rain
I want to be a morphine drip
To plunge into this open rip
Keep me filled to slow this painful trip
Drip into this wrought
And saturate every
Contaminated
Delusional
Unclean
Thought
Drip until you can only see the whites of my eyes
Because everything that enters me dies
SEE FULL POEM
https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2012/09/20/i-moved-that-mountain-poetry/
You can’t see that mountain I moved
I moved it through grooves
Tombs
And empty rooms
Yup just me and God (:
Fall with me steep
Plunge with me this emotional deep
Curves play strange games
Crushing rocks benieth my feet
Where blood thirsty perves ryme verbs
Pass through nerves before we meet
Plunge with me this emotional deep
Fall with me steep
And when you awake I promise
I’ll be yours to keep
Fall with me
Don’t give me one more thing
I can’t carry it
MY “VALLEY” (POETRY) w/ audio
https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/my-valley-poetry
Valleys can either make or break you
My Valley is lonely
Isolated and full of deceit
Forcing me to retreat back to my shell
I call a cell
Imprisoned to my own thoughts
Imprisoned to my own tormented mind
Way beyond the required time
I’m drowning in my own little house of horror
And my “Valley” won’t let me go
Silenced by my own paranoia
Afraid to accept LaToya just for whose she is
My intuition tells me I’m wrong
Because I’ve stayed in this “Valley” way too long
And I dressed it up with my own personal sorrow
Calgon won’t take it away
And Ativan only begs my “Valley” to stay
BUT IT’S MINE
I’ve staked claims on many things
Only to find out they were all frivolous flings
But this “Valley” is mine
And I’m not even sure I want to leave
Scared to retrieve the rainbow after the rain
Not sure how grateful I am for the pain
But at least it keeps me in my “Valley”
Away from the world
That would want nothing more than to eat me alive
My “Valley” helps me survive
I don’t have to talk, smile or converse
And those dreadful hugs that sometimes makes my skin crawl
I often think about leaving this “Valley”
BUT I’M SCARED
When I first got here I promised myself I wouldn’t unpack
I knew when I noticed my toothbrush I had gone so far off track
Some say
“Just step out of the mud”
But until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes
PLEASE DON’T JUDGE
It’s mine and I’m just not ready to leave
HAPPY (POETRY)
I was in a dead zone
And no amount of encouragement could convince me
That
I wasn’t alone
There was a moan in my soul
And every emotion in me was cold
And my thoughts lied to me
So I did nothing
One day I woke up
And the pain subsided
And joy overrides
This dark emotion
And for a brief second
I was happy
mentalnotes1 