Death

mentalnotes1

I have gone for miles trying to catch your breathe
Lost left me
Lay death upon my chest
Trying to catch the demon that rolls rust
Timely
Unrest
And a phantoms tale swags
and it drags
and it drags
my face sags
And it sags and I’m sad
Because death waits for me

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Rest (POETRY)

I AM IN MY FATHERS PRECIOUS HANDS!!

And I just happen to be part of his perfect plan

I’ve been taken to that holy place

But never forget me when you feel the breeze

It’s me kissing your face

GOD MAKES ALL THINGS GOOD

And If I could stay you all know that I would

But he’s been calling me home for some time

And it feels awfully strange

Leaving so many loved ones behind

I want you all to know I’m in an AMAZING place

I’ve left you all with memories that can never be erased

Don’t worry I am fine

I’ve lived my life

And it was just my time

Life is as it should be

Cancer was the excuse but the truth is…

Jesus needed me!

We’re born to die

To live

And I gave life all I had to give

I am finally home

I see familiar faces so don’t worry I’m not alone

Please understand

I AM AT PEACE

Grieve me and dream of me in your sleep

And I promise you will remember when you awake

And all of you being here today

I want you to know this is no mistake

God is in the midst of it all

My name was in that book and I answered to His call

Smell me while you drive

Feel me in your hearts

Hear me in your children’s voices

Remember me but please don’t cry

Because I AM REJOICING with the lord

NEONS!!!!

Far beyond the sky!

HEAVEN!!!!!!

Notice me when the sun shines

When the light flickers

When my favorite song comes on

Feel me when the air is so still

And don’t second guess if I’m there

KNOW THAT I AM!!!!!

Because

I WILL ALWAYS

AND FOREVER!

Live in your hearts...

Death

I have gone for miles trying to catch your breathe
Lost left me
Lay death upon my chest
Trying to catch the demon that rolls rust
Timely
Unrest
And a phantoms tale swags
and it drags
and it drags
my face sags
And it sags and I’m sad
Because death waits for me

 

The walk

He walks

We walk

As they watch

Feet hitting pavement

Feeling no breeze

And their shoulders

Feel the weight

Of

Death

Today I woke up 

I was on top of the world

Last night I fell asleep and dreamt of Diamonds and Pearls

And children with lollypop swirls

Sometimes I don’t want to wake up

But I do

My thoughts always interrupt my sins

Mind over matter always wins

It sounds crazy and things seem hazy

But it’s funny cause…

Last night I dreamt of Diamonds and Pearls and little girls with cute little curls

The world seemed so small

When everyone else seems so tall

Towering over my faith

Small is where I’ve always felt safe

Life’s definition was confusion

Leaving room for the tall to come to their own conclusion

Last night I fell asleep on top of the world and dreamt of Diamonds and Pearls

It’s never amusing to the tall

The tall is clueless to this all

Wondering how the small has nine more lives than them

I was my only friend

One day the tall came to the small and ask

How can you live so foul?

I got angry like the animal I had become and growled

The small proceeded to say

It was one sunny day

I was walking

And I had forgotten to pray

The tall came to me in a rather suspicious way

My husband had just let me free

I was crying and couldn’t see

He started to sing

I will never forget the song

OLIVIA… 

I was young and didn’t know

That in the song…

Olivia was a hoe

He was cute

He asked me why I was crying 

I didn’t respond because emotions where flying

I wanted him to leave

But he stayed and introduced himself as Steve

He was nice

He had a few things

I guess I was enticed

He had on a grey shirt and brown tims

He walked away and asked me to follow him

He told me I could be happy all day

There was one catch he didn’t say

With my life I would have to pay

My heart was heavy that he could see

He asked me to go

And I agreed  

That day I explored

Steve had made me his whore

Days and days went by winters soured

I remember when life was pure

Until one day I met this miracle cure

Steve was gone and my life had become a sadder song

Will the song still be playing when the music stop’s

Will the beat still beat when my heart drop’s

I realized what Steve had done

He was playing games and having fun

Steve had done me in for sure

Off to make some poor girl his whore

Dammit when it rains it pours

Now I’m hanging with robbers and thieves

I was far gone, way pass Steve

Tummy aches

Coughing up blood

And having dry heaves

Now I knew I needed help

I cried out…

JESUS PLEASE!!!

Relieve me of the bondage of self

Because the tall and the small knew I needed help

Last night I fell asleep on top of the world

And dreamt of Diamonds and Pearls

I’m looking at myself and people are crying

There doves in the air and their even crying

My grandmother is hovering over me

Please don’t cry nana I’m free

But of course she couldn’t hear me

It was too late

A voice whispered…

I GAVE YOU A CHANCE TO DETERMINE YOUR FATE!

I haven’t died I’m right here

My soul is shook up and I’m real scared

Am I really dead?

Why is everyone singing that sad song?

And why is my sister reading my favorite poem?

Today I woke up on top of the world

And dreamt of Diamonds and Pearl

 

SMOKE FILLED TEARS (HAIKU)

Isn’t life a gift?

Eyes left burnt with smoke filled tears

Killing them with love

MOURNING (POETRY)

I listened to his heart beat

I wrapped my legs between his feet

I watched him sleep and tucked him safely away in the warmth of my sheets

I played with his ears

Somehow that soothed my fears

About

Mourning

I scaled his face with my point finger

And I cried

Because

Mourning

Was well on its way

DADDYS LITTLE GIRL (POETRY)

Daddy’s Little Girl

I’m a woman maybe just a girl.

Play with my pig tales and tease the boys.

Daddy says I was bad.

He’s looking real mean that makes me sad.

Every time daddy gets that look.

I run to my closet and grab my book.

I’d hold it close cause it knew all that daddy took.

My book knows things no one else does.

Can’t jump rope with the kids or play in the mud.

I wanted to figure him out.

I wanted to hear him say.

I waited for so many years for that very special day.

It’s a yearning inside that wouldn’t go away.

And that yearning inside wanted him to pay.

The resentment inside wouldn’t let me heal.

The only thing I knew was the abuse was real.

I couldn’t for the life of me let go enough to heal.

My sister and I had this plan, to run away from this dark evil man.

But when my sister climbed down the balcony pole.

I didn’t want to leave my three brothers and other sister so I didn’t go.

Here comes daddy…big and mean.

Get in here, my daddy screamed.

My daddy does things other daddy’s don’t do.

The teacher took pictures of my bruises at school.

My sister is gone and I feel all alone.

Daddy says I can’t use the phone.

My nana worried about me being all alone.

My mamma was killed when I was a little girl.

Shot in the face she fell to the floor.

Mommy is dead and daddy is gone.

And even though he did me wrong.

I hate his guts but I love him so much.

I needed a friend so I created Jen my imaginary friend.

My life would depend if she would show to keep me a flow.

Daddy, nana, my sister and I went to court.

I remember it was the last week in July.

Daddy tried to deny but the judge told daddy we were going bye – bye.

I was so glad but things stayed in my mind.

I think of daddy, I think of daddy all the time.

All I want to do is be free.

Free from these memories and free from me…….

 

                                                Thank you, Daddy.

 

LOST GIRLS (POETRY)

I’ve decided to write

Tonight’s not like any other night

Everything feels right, nothing’s wrong

I haven’t felt this way in so long

I’m at peace, all the chaos has finally ceased

There’s so much to be grateful for

God is opening so many doors

Have you ever looked at the stars

And wondered if there’s life force on mars

And if their struggles are the same as ours

My mind is not somewhere far away

The only thing I worry about is what to cook today

I’m not on the streets walking the beat

Panhandling just to get a bite to eat

Some angel sent down to lend a hand

In the form of some perverted man

And when I do get the money it’s like bee’s on honey

YUP!

Dope boyz ridin’ with that look like

WASSUP!

So I do what I do, and I run like a little girl late for school.

They see desperation in my eyes

They ask me

Do you need this?

And of course I lie

They’re tigers looking for meat

So I get high and I’m back on the streets, with nowhere to go

I know some old man’s looking for a show

It’s lonely out here

Damn, no one knows

I look and see girls just as lonely as me, wishing to pray or praying to wish to be free

But drugs were all we were able to see

And I know deep down inside this isn’t really me

I knew this man he took my girl for a ride

I told her not to go she said she wouldn’t but she lied

She thought I was try’na steal her trick

It’s funny how a junkies mind ticks

The core of this disease had me constantly on my knees and it wasn’t to pray

ANYWAY

There were many days I had to swallow my pride

I was seriously contemplating suicide

I just wanted to kill myself and die

I was a hopeless bum ten times over and then some

Why did my friend have to go for that ride

I got this really strange feeling inside

I kept seeing visions of her being swept up on a tide

I kept getting these visions over and over again

She’s probably high, real hard to defend

It was during my worst days that I prayed

I was walking through life’s crazy maze, and in an alley way there my friend laid

This was bad news I was lost and completely confused and was living in a world of self-centered fools!

I’ve been asking God to send me a sign

Leave this place, right now’s the time

This is where I’m at this moment is mine

Should I stay or should I go?

Please someone help me ‘cause I don’t know

All I know is where I’ve been, near death experiences and 100% sin

I’ll never forget how I let this disease win

When I think of the fire I’ve survived

I often wonder why I’m still alive

God has this major plan and I’m so excited cause I haven’t ran

My friend got killed by some crazy man

But I believe she was part of God’s perfect plan

Some have to die for others to live and for that reason I promise to give all of me to recovery

I have one chance to make this right

And for that reason I promise to always walk in Gods eye sight

Wanna walk in my shoes

I don’t think so

These are places no one should ever go

 

                                                                                                 

  

EVER EXSISTING BEAST (POETRY)

Ever Existing Beast

I met this creature.

I called him the ever existing beast.

That lurks and will creep like the grim reaper.

This thing called life it gets deeper and deeper.

Lurking and preying on any weakness.

Your death is its ultimate sweetness.

Manipulate and distort any positive reports.

Living is not natural and natural is not living.

This beast will latch on and feast.

It will eat away at any chance you may have had to dance at your party called life.

Will destroy any plans to make some woman your wife.

This beast will have you compromise some of your simplest beliefs.

This beast will have you morally incorrect, and have life’s lowest put you in check.

This beast will have you feeling hysterical and he knows you’ll leave 5 minutes before the miracle.

I can’t feel at all anymore because death is knocking at my door.

This beast shows his face no one but me goes.

I often wonder how this beast knows.

I have all good intentions but somehow this beast draws me into a whole new dimension.

This beast cheers obsession on and takes me day and days sometimes till dawn.

Demented mind lost in the time.

This beast is fast has me living in the past.

This ever existing beast stamps hopeless on my face and eases in at its own pace.

This beast sticks his chest out because he knows he’s the man.

This beast knows this is no one night stand.

This beast loves this fling leaves you bitten with its devastating sting.

I won’t look in the mirror because I am bound to flip.

Leaves me feeling like I’m on a bad trip.

Chained and bound to this game.

Save me lord because my life is in vain.

Someone died for me to live….

One simple request

Is for you to give yourself a chance to dance at your party called life.

Thank you, Dis-ease of Addiction.