MY AVATAR ( POETRY W/ AUDIO PART 1)

LNI Little girls are scary Edition - Album on Imgur

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/my-avatar-part-2-poetry#play

My avatar loves to come out and play

While keeping all the bad people away

Sugar and spice was a fantasy that had been reversed

By an evil curse that keeps sick lyrics playing in my brain

Shame

Shame is I can’t hide from my hazel eyes

That keep seeing me down this wicked path

Where gargoyles were supposed to make me feel safe

And hide me from my tortured fate

And only they know where I’ve been

As my OCD forces me to repeat things

Over

And over

And over again

My avatar plays double dutch, patty cake, hide and seek

And plays these tapes over and over in my mind sometimes for weeks

Non-stop

That’s when my watched stopped

And froze me right there

For pedestrians to stop and stare at me in my obliviance

Ollie-ollie in come free

Is what they scream at me

deeming

Me

Broken

While I’m smoking up on yesterday

And my avatar

She comforts me in my

Disobedience

She comforts me

In my deviants

FOOTNOTE (ABOUT MY AVATAR)

I am a writer, and the joy of being a writer is having some versatility. I get to write about whatever I want, and hope you, the reader, can find some common ground. “My Avatar” is dark; she is the little girl that lives in me, she is a spoiled, rotten, weird, little brat. She is all my fears and a product of every person who ever hurt me. She is all my resentments I still work so hard to let go of still today. She is a product of every man that ever broke my heart, starting with my father.

She is the product of a mother who was murdered and a father who was never around. “My Avatar” the character is a lot of things, but most of all she is afraid. She is afraid of you and she is afraid of the woman in me that continues to discipline her. “My Avatar” is more than a little dark. I love this project because it challenged me as a writer to write about something different.

When I read books, stories and poetry I often wonder if the people are anything like what or who they write about. Of course we are our characters on some level.

I had to put this footnote in this book. I had some friends who I trust to critique some of my writings ask me if I was alright. That made me smile; an effective writer should impact the reader. I believe I had done that. My hope is it will impact you the same way it did my friends who critiqued my manuscript. Of course I am ok, just me doing what I love to do, write.

WELCOME TO MY PEACEFUL INSANITY

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http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/my-avatar-part-3-poetry#

This twisted kiss

I’m hating this

Exposing all this fckin’ shit

The word play

The comments today

Lead me down a path of twisted no where’s

With shares and likes

But who is it that really sits behind that pc

From my solace carries malice

But you wouldn’t know just by reading me

Never seeing me but looking thru me

From my reality

My Avatar

She waves goodbye to me

Only a morbid sign

Of rotten chimes

Sounds of angels

But the root is mangled

And I will never be granted my wings

Because off all the bad things I’ve seen

As I watch her play on that wicked and rusted swing

Posting this shit for you to read between what’s caught

The twisted thoughts

A fckin’ sadist

 Is how I made this

Sick game

For her own personal gain

Re-lived

Innocents

Free me from this dark cloud of razor blades

Anxiety and depression

Living in this lesson

That I tainted with my own haunted files

I only needed her for a little while

Now bats circle my bed

Like a storm brewing over my head

And stewing in suicidal thoughts

Caught in a web

That keeps me isolated

Gabriel keeps trying to get me to journey the map

It’s a silly trap and I remember the road that it traveled for way too long

Singing hate me by Blue October http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddxgsvjinlu

Left

Right

And none are right so I lose sight

Of what’s right with the wrong

And I listen while crying to Blue October’s song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddxgsvjinlu

Hate me

 

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