Tombstones in my Mattress

I’ve got Tombstones in my Mattress 

Waiting for the next certain death

To join this grave site of men and women I have not yet met

I deem it over before it begins

And I mourn these relationships

Over

And over again

I got Tombstones in my Mattress

And I practice pretending they aren’t there

Potholes and traps for all who enter these tomb filled snares

I got ash cans and grey post

That line the belly of this seam

I got construction going on

In the trinkets of my dreams

In the pit of my Mattress

I call it the dead zone

Their building a fortress

And fences

Calling it their home

And they aint even paying rent

I evicted two tenants

And  could care less where they went

I’ve got Tombstones in my Mattress

And I’m prepared to burn this dwelling place

I can’t sleep at night

Without these men staring me in my face

These tombstones have been constructed for over twenty long years

And their comfortable in my bed

Playing spade and swallowing down imported beers

I’m not sad

Depressed

Or angry

I just want these men gone

They’ve been sleeping in my bed with me for twenty years too long

I got diamonds hidden in these dirt filled tombs

Being smothered by dandelions and oversized poisoned mushrooms

My bed has become crowded

And the only person I’m angry at is me

Because I have allowed these men to literally enslave me

I’ve got souls that I desperately need to set free

I keep these memories alive and I hate the reflection I see

I got construction workers knocking walls down building rooms to be filled

While I’m shoveling dirt working hard to empty this dirt filled mill

Gatekeepers come from nowhere, hired in this dark ground of doom

I’ve invited men in to fill these empty tombs

I cannot stand being cramped up in my own bed

I demised a portal

For people who have long time been dead

They have decomposed

Honestly some of them I don’t even know

It’s God awful that their locked in this trench

I’m not sure how much longer I can tolerate this awful stench

Every tombstone has a different face

And a different name

But they’re not much different at all

Really their all the same

I got all these people living in my bed

And it’s deep

It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten a good night’s sleep

I am on the brink of something really big

Tonight, these men are getting the hell up out of my bed

I want to be rid of this affliction

So tonight, I’m sure I’ll be handing out some evictions

         Play me a tear as salty as the sea

Look into my spirit

And give back all that belongs to me

What used to be

Thrust me a kiss

Puckered insidious upon my lips

Pay me restitution

Giving back all of this

Democracy

Blue seas

And red knees

Hypocrisy

Paint my canvas

Madness!

Fall with me steep

Plunge with me this emotional deep

Curves play strange games

Crushing rocks benieth my feet

Where blood thirsty perves ryme verbs

Pass through nerves before we meet

Plunge with me this emotional deep

Fall with me steep

And when you awake I promise

I’ll be yours to keep

Fall with me

SHE STAYS (POETRY)

He dominated her by four feet

Grabbed her by her hair

And drug her through the streets

She tried the best she could to bring herself to her feet

And she knew

This  

Was

Not

How she wanted to meet her maker

Only God can take her

This man has shaped her

And I can’t awake her

From her reality

His brutality

And still

She stays

I WELCOME ALL SPELLCHECKERS (GIGGLES)

I SURVIVED! (POETRY REPOST ADDED AUDIO)

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/i-survived#play

YES I SURVIVED

IM SO GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE!

BECAUSE I’VE ENDURED!

YES I’VE PUSHED ON!

AND YES I’VE SURVIVE!

WHAT SEEMED TO BE SOMETHING THAT WOULD NEVER EVER END!

I’VE LANDED ON MY FEET AND HERE I AM AGAIN!

BEAMING LIKE THE SUN!

SPROUTING LIKE A TREE!

AND EVERY DAY I WAKE UP, GOD WATERS ME!

MY PROCESS JUST STARTED AND I WILL PROBABLY NEVER BE DONE!

BUT EVERY NIGHT I GO TO BED I THANK GOD FOR WHO I’VE BECOME!

IM NOT THAT MASK I PUT ON SOMETIMES FOR THE WORLD TO SEE!

THAT’S JUST SOMETHING I PUT ON TO PROTECT THE LITTLE GIRL IN ME!

AND IT BOTHERS ME WHEN PEOPLE CAN SEE MY VULNERABILITY.

BUT, IM LEARNING!

AND I PUSH ON!

AND NO!

I HAVE NOT ARRIVED!

BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN I TAKE OFF A LAYER AND THAT OLD PART OF ME DIES!

IT’S NOT EASY!

AND IT’S NOT COMFORTABLE!

AND THE PROCESS NEVER ENDS!

GOD WILL SEND YOU SOMEONE ONE DAY YOUR COMFORTABLE CALLING FRIEND!

ONE DAY YOU WAKE UP AND THE FEELING MAY BE REALLY, REALLY WEIRD.

BECAUSE ALL YOUR PAST PAIN HAS COMPLETLEY DISAPEARED.

AND IF NOT TOTALLY.

I PROMISE SOME WOULD HAVE GONE AWAY.

PREPARING YOU FOR SOMEONE YOU’LL SAY THE SAME THINGS TO ONE DAY.

IM SO, SO, SO GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE!

BECAUSE I’VE ENDURED!

YES I’VE PUSHED ON!

AND YES!

I HAVE SURVIED!!!!!

                                                                       

Thank you, Tammy “Pitt Bull” Johnson

DADDYS LITTLE GIRL (POETRY)

Daddy’s Little Girl

I’m a woman maybe just a girl.

Play with my pig tales and tease the boys.

Daddy says I was bad.

He’s looking real mean that makes me sad.

Every time daddy gets that look.

I run to my closet and grab my book.

I’d hold it close cause it knew all that daddy took.

My book knows things no one else does.

Can’t jump rope with the kids or play in the mud.

I wanted to figure him out.

I wanted to hear him say.

I waited for so many years for that very special day.

It’s a yearning inside that wouldn’t go away.

And that yearning inside wanted him to pay.

The resentment inside wouldn’t let me heal.

The only thing I knew was the abuse was real.

I couldn’t for the life of me let go enough to heal.

My sister and I had this plan, to run away from this dark evil man.

But when my sister climbed down the balcony pole.

I didn’t want to leave my three brothers and other sister so I didn’t go.

Here comes daddy…big and mean.

Get in here, my daddy screamed.

My daddy does things other daddy’s don’t do.

The teacher took pictures of my bruises at school.

My sister is gone and I feel all alone.

Daddy says I can’t use the phone.

My nana worried about me being all alone.

My mamma was killed when I was a little girl.

Shot in the face she fell to the floor.

Mommy is dead and daddy is gone.

And even though he did me wrong.

I hate his guts but I love him so much.

I needed a friend so I created Jen my imaginary friend.

My life would depend if she would show to keep me a flow.

Daddy, nana, my sister and I went to court.

I remember it was the last week in July.

Daddy tried to deny but the judge told daddy we were going bye – bye.

I was so glad but things stayed in my mind.

I think of daddy, I think of daddy all the time.

All I want to do is be free.

Free from these memories and free from me…….

 

                                                Thank you, Daddy.

 

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