HAPPY (POETRY)

Happy is not a place but an atmosphere

mentalnotes1

I was in a dead zone

And no amount of encouragement could convince me

That

I wasn’t alone

There was a moan in my soul

And every emotion in me was cold

 

And my thoughts lied to me

 

So I did nothing

 

One day I woke up

And the pain subsided

And joy overrides

This dark emotion

 

And for a brief second

 

I was happy

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QUEST (HAIKU)

Happy early Valentines day ❤

mentalnotes1

ON MY QUEST FOR LOVE

I WILL STILL WRITE POETRY

AND LOVE WILL FIND ME

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Evil Green – Poetry

Huntsmen search this thing out

Looking for the pot of gold

We have been warned

From biblical times

This story is centuries old

***

Try as you may

To hunt this thing down

And watch evil events unfold

Don’t ignore

The evil this green can bring

It’s a trick that’s ancient and cold

***

It’s a spirit

You can’t see it or hear it

It wants you trapped in your personal greed

God said be anxious for nothing

He said He will provide all that we need

***

It will trap you

Before you trap it

So don’t be fooled by this scheme

It will keep you sick

Weary and tired

Chasing the American dream

***

If you look back on all who hunt it

You’ll see how lonely they sit

This thing can be deceptive and mean

Be careful when you focus on it

***

Beware of this thing

Warning signs are hard to be seen

But this thing is clever and keen

It will have you believe

You’re on top of the world

I call it the evil man’s green

Sculpting – Poetry

If I could sculpt myself a tear

I’d make it audible

Allowing even the deaf to hear

***

If I could sculpt myself a tear

I’d paint it purple

Signifying royalty

And make all the blue disappear

***

If I could sculpt myself a tear

I’d relinquish loneliness

And mix this liquid with a prayer  

***

If I could sculpt myself a tear

I’d give it an automatic reset

So that it would never be in need of repair

***

If I could sculpt myself a tear

I would never create it

Cold

And salty

Like

This wicked world

Reaching – Poetry

I was reaching for a dream

A figment of my imagination

I was reaching for love and pillow talk

I was reaching for arguments and make up sex

I was reaching for long walks and holidays together

I was reaching for surprise parties and baby clothes

I was reaching for a dream

A figment of my imagination

I was reaching for you

Protected: Can we talk about grief ?? Random thought

In a few words, in the comment section, describe your most powerful description of grief
Examples below

mentalnotes1

In a few words, in the comment section, describe your most powerful description of grief
Examples below

HELP ME IM BURRIED IN GRIEF!

I swept grief in a nice neat pile and one day it busted out and assaulted me.

Grief doesn’t want you perusing it, it does what it wants when it wants

Grief isn’t just a neat wound you can dress, the healing is in living

Grief reminds us that weonce loved

Grief pushed me into education

Grief- I suck at this kind of talk

Grief is cold Callous and matter of fact

Grief forces you to get a permission slip

Grief hides for a little while but there it goes again

Grief makes me feel like I’m floating unable to ground myself

Grief- I buried it, ohh but the roots are so deeply attached

I do not deserve to live in this pain

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Case Study #2 – The Clinic

I have visited all the pharmacies and medicine section at every store in Portland looking for diet pills

My name is Samantha and I weigh 500 pounds and my mom worries about me

I’m scheduled for a weigh in at the clinic today at 3pm.

The clinic is just an easier softer way of saying the crazy house

My cloths fit so tight and I know I can loose a couple of pounds before 3pm.

I look at the time

12:30pm

I walk to the bodega at the corner and purchase 2 family packs of Oreo’s and start eating them as I walk back home

I sit on my couch and browse Facebook and imagine how I can look and be happy like so many others

I look through my pictures and compare myself

I hate myself

I finish off the second bag of Oreo’s and head to my room

I take off all my cloths and analyze my body in the mirror

I pull at my fat bulges, spin around, gaze in my own eyes in the mirror

I loath myself

I head to the bathroom, stick two finger down my throat and vomit the Oreo’s

I vomit the hate I have for myself
I drink some water with baking soda so it can come easy and I vomit some more until my throat hurts

I look up at myself as saliva melts down the side of my face and drops to the rug

I hear the front door, its my mom coming to take me to the clinic

I hurry and flush the toilet and turn the shower on as to quietly say do not disturb

I stay in the bathroom for about 5 minutes just sitting on the side of the tub, I wet my hair grab a towel and walk out

She’s standing there

I don’t look at her

I walk pass her without acknowledgement and slam my bedroom door because

I hate her too

I hear her ruffling through the bathroom looking for any sign that I have done something to harm myself

We head to the clinic

The nurse weighs me

Nurse speaks: Samantha you lost 7 pounds since your last weigh in last week, you are 95 pounds.
I’m sorry we will have to admit you.

Since I’m only 16 years old my mother signs papers to have me 302’ed again to the clinic for a psych eval and observation

And I hate myself!

Resolutions to aid Eating Disorder recovery
https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/185582221/posts/636

Poetry about a person with an eating disorder
https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2023/01/09/dis-order-poetry-3/

Dis-Order (Poetry)

 

I eat to make the pain fade today
And the dragon in my belly
Plays monstrous villains
Till all my emotional scares fade away
You’ll never understand why I eat the way I do
Don’t try and diagnose me
Because I will eat you away too
I will vomit till my face turns blue
Tryna’ forget that I hate you
And that I hate myself too

DIS-ORDER

Featured Poet – Street Girl by Bonnie Parker

mentalnotes1

Bonnie, Clyde’s woman was an awesome poet

       

You don’t want to marry me honey 

Though just to hear you ask me is sweet

If you did you’d regret it tomorrow

For I’m only a girl of the street

There was a time when I’d gladly have listened

Before I was tainted with shame

But it wouldn’t be fair to you honey

Men laugh when they mention my name
Back there on the farm in Nebraska

I might have said yes to you then

But I thought the world was a playground

Just teeming with Santa Claus men

So I left the old home for the city

To play in its mad, dirty whirl

Never knowing how little of pity, It holds for a slip of a girl
You think I’m still good-looking honey!

But no I am faded and spent

Even Helen of Troy would look seedy

If she…

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Featured Poet Dominic Fike – Elliot’s Song – Euphoria

I’ve got no place
Buildin’ you a rocket up to outer space
I watch you fade
Keeping the lights on in this forsaken place

Little star
Feels like you fell right on my head
Gave you away to the wind
I hope it was worth it in the end
You and my guitar
I think you may be my only friend
I gave it all to see you shine again
I hope it was worth it in the end

Us against the world
Just a couple sinner’s makin’ fun of hell
If I keep you here
I’ll only be doing this for myself

Little star
Feels like you fell right on my head
Gave you away to the wind
I hope it was worth it in the end
Yeah, I hope so
Think you may be my only friend
I gave it all to see you shine again
I hope it was worth it in the end

I know this thing is broken
So I leave my door wide open
Been some time since we’ve spoken
One day we’ll meet again
Some distance when you’re older
You’ll come lean on my shoulder
Tell me that storm is over
That day we meet again

Feels like you fell right on my head
Gave you away to the wind
I hope it was worth it in the end
You and my guitar
I think you may be my only friend
I gave you away
I hope it was worth it in the end

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icwBZswWFrU&list=RDicwBZswWFrU&start_radio=1&rv=icwBZswWFrU&t=32

I rarely do commentary on shows but if you haven’t seen Euphoria it’s a must see! 2 full seasons of addiction and all the insanity’s of having a child who suffers from the disease of addiction. I found this gem of a writer Dominic Fike on the last episode of season 2 and I have written poetry to this song, it has truly been my muse! Awesome write!