GRATITUDE (POETRY)
I find Gratitude
There’s those days I wonder what my purpose is in life”
Why I was here and why I was consumed with fear.
I fell asleep obsessing on what the next day would possess.
And what else would the world confess to me.
And how many more awful things will I have to see, with all of the world’s diversities.
I swam thru life like a seed in the womb, anxiously awaiting exposure.
Like a butterfly in its cocoon.
Like the unknown on the moon.
I’m overwhelmed with anxiety and uneducated stares from society, because of my sobriety.
I was just a girl trying to find herself.
I was lost.
I saw women my age, so strong.
Meanwhile everything in my life felt all wrong.
Most days I was so angry I couldn’t even think.
And by each passing moment I sank deeper and deeper into the darkest part of life.
The part I have become strong enough to fight.
I find gratitude when I see the homeless sleeping under a bridge, and people living like pigs.
I myself have been places a rat wouldn’t go.
And had been knee deep homeless in the snow.
I find gratitude when I see babies born to AIDS, and how afraid they must feel.
I find gratitude when I think of the mothers, and guilt will kill.
And if these truths are giving you chills, then you know how I feel.
I feel gratitude when I think of women who have been killed for the taste of the thrill.
I feel gratitude when I think of crack addicted babies with that constant cry.
Doctors working hard, but millions still die.
I find gratitude every time I pick up a pen.
And express today, I won’t let the darkest part of life win.
I find gratitude when I think of the people who have lost their minds.
Walking in the wilderness trying to catch up with the time.
I find gratitude because I have somewhat of a clear mind.
Still a little lost…
But the hope is I am trying to find.
I find gratitude when I hear the birds sing.
I used to hate the noise, now I understand the reason they sing.
I find gratitude every time I feel the sun.
I got another day clean and I’m going to get another one.
I find gratitude when I think of what I have been through.
I am finally happy, joyous and free.
And you can be too.
Thank you, Gratitude.
DREAM CATCHER
Dream Catcher
I haven’t talked to my family in a while.
I don’t know why I feel I cramp their style.
I love my grandmother.
I need her to smother me with her love.
I’m needy that way.
That’s how I always was.
Some would say a little too much.
My nana was always there, kind of like a crutch.
Even the lightest touch meant so much.
I wasn’t a normal child.
They called me the flower child.
There was a woman.
Her name was Karen, Karen Givens.
She had all the men and even some women.
She would go out there and do her thing.
I wondered how she got them to buy her jewels, necklaces and diamond rings.
I know now if she had wings she would have simply flown away.
Because her life was filled with an array of dismay.
She’d ask me, this little girl… don’t go please stay.
I’d leave home and stay gone for weeks.
I was hanging with dope fiends some real creeps.
I was staying out for weeks not getting any sleep.
Things were happening and the shit was real deep.
I’m writing all this because I need somebody to know.
My younger years were demon like, and real cold.
Winters were all year round.
My inner child lost never to be found….
STOLEN SHE WAS!!!!!
Stolen by the ignorance of time.
And I’m still trying to find.
It wasn’t my fault I was a child they were the adults.
My life was not theirs to take.
Always checking to see if I was still awake.
I still wake up screaming “GO WAY FOR CHRIST SAKES”.
If I could swim.
I’d swim across a lake.
If I could fly.
I’d fly across the entire state.
If I could climb.
I’d climb the highest mountain and drink from the purest of fountains.
And if I wasn’t scared of heights.
I might stand on top of a vista.
And listen to the wind SING,,,,WISHA-WISHA
I wish you weren’t here with me.
WHO?
ANYONE BUT YOU!
Just to soothe my burdened soul that was stole.
STOLEN IT WAS!!!
I’m drifting off into some real dark shit.
It has trapped doors and a bottomless pit.
Anyway I called my grandmother last night and thank God every thing’s alright.
I could have just shared at one of those NA meetings.
But my twisted purpose I would have been defeating.
I’ll leave it all up to you to find.
I’ve said it before.
It’s hidden.
Hidden somewhere between the rhyme.
It’s 3 AM and I can’t really sleep.
Because I let my pen go to deep.
I’m looking at my dream catcher I got last night, waiting for my dreams to take flight.
It’s spinning over my head while I lay in my bed.
Oh yeah, and thanks for reading the thoughts in my head.
My dream catcher has this hypnotic spin.
I think I’ll relax and let it win.
So I can put my pen to rest.
And hope tonight I dream a little less.
DADDYS LITTLE GIRL (POETRY)
Daddy’s Little Girl
I’m a woman maybe just a girl.
Play with my pig tales and tease the boys.
Daddy says I was bad.
He’s looking real mean that makes me sad.
Every time daddy gets that look.
I run to my closet and grab my book.
I’d hold it close cause it knew all that daddy took.
My book knows things no one else does.
Can’t jump rope with the kids or play in the mud.
I wanted to figure him out.
I wanted to hear him say.
I waited for so many years for that very special day.
It’s a yearning inside that wouldn’t go away.
And that yearning inside wanted him to pay.
The resentment inside wouldn’t let me heal.
The only thing I knew was the abuse was real.
I couldn’t for the life of me let go enough to heal.
My sister and I had this plan, to run away from this dark evil man.
But when my sister climbed down the balcony pole.
I didn’t want to leave my three brothers and other sister so I didn’t go.
Here comes daddy…big and mean.
Get in here, my daddy screamed.
My daddy does things other daddy’s don’t do.
The teacher took pictures of my bruises at school.
My sister is gone and I feel all alone.
Daddy says I can’t use the phone.
My nana worried about me being all alone.
My mamma was killed when I was a little girl.
Shot in the face she fell to the floor.
Mommy is dead and daddy is gone.
And even though he did me wrong.
I hate his guts but I love him so much.
I needed a friend so I created Jen my imaginary friend.
My life would depend if she would show to keep me a flow.
Daddy, nana, my sister and I went to court.
I remember it was the last week in July.
Daddy tried to deny but the judge told daddy we were going bye – bye.
I was so glad but things stayed in my mind.
I think of daddy, I think of daddy all the time.
All I want to do is be free.
Free from these memories and free from me…….
Thank you, Daddy.
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