GOODBYE HEROINE 2 (Poetry W/AUDIO)

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/goodbye-heroin

Goodbye Heroin II

I can’t stop loving him no matter how hard I try.

I will probably hate him until the day I die.

I often ask myself the question why?

He has never been good to me always treated me bad.

Left me ugly alone and feeling sad.

By the way, he’s such a tease.

Cant’ fall asleep without awakening with a cough or constant sneeze.

There’s those days when he’s missing and I need a shoulder to cry.

He was always there but our relationship was one big lie.

I left him once but I felt like I would just die.

I crawled back on my knees.

And he accepted me back without hesitation, he was pleased.

When I left him, I refused him because he killed a friend.

Now I understand why she loved him until the end.

When she was hurting he was the only one to whom she thought she could depend.

I used him and immediately the pain went away.

I remember we began to hang out every day.

I missed him so much because he was always there.

Almost like a game but he wasn’t playing fair.

It took too long to realize he never cared.

I feel like such a traitor, I told her I’d say no.

I saw him one day and we both went toe to toe.

I wasn’t really feeling that good about me.

He whispered try me you’ll feel better I promise you’ll see.

I read one day about the way he met her.

She expressed how good he felt one day in a love letter.

I was scared and for days and days I hid.

But he knew everything even where I lived.

So I fell in love and gave him all I had to give.

It was like I was in a movie no way for a girl to live.

At first I was jealous of their relationship, because I didn’t know.

That eventually all these horrific events would occur.

You the devil…

Yeah, you in disguise.

I bet you never thought we’d break these ties.

How stupid could I be?

I thought he was my friend.

This is my life I’m taking back.

I’ll never let you win.

Devil, you don’t know the strength behind this pen.

That’s why I wrote this poem for everyone to know.

I’m exposing you heroin so take your tricks and go.

FREE ME! (POETRY W/ AUDIO)

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/free-me 

TAINTED BY THE BEAUTY OF THE AMARICAN FLAG  

A WARPED VISION

ITS DISGUISE

A RED, WHITE AND BLUE RAG

DEEP IN THE BYOU’S WERE THE BABIES MY GRANDMOMMA HAD

WHILE GRANDPOPPA LOOKED ON ANGRY, POWERLESS AND MAD

LAND OF THE FREE

YOU CANT FOOL ME

THIS RAG IS TAINTED WITH HYPOCRISY

RIVERS STILL TORTURED, DAMS STILL RED

AND SHE USE THAT SAME COLOR TO REPRESENT OUR FUTURE THAT’S STILL DEAD

CENTURIES

OLD HAG!!!!

I AINT GOT NO LOVE FOR THIS CLOTHE

SO F*** THE AMERICAN FLAG!

Please don’t come for me in the comments, it’s called creative freedom ❤

MISTRESS

I met him; I fell in love with him

I knew he wasn’t mines

But he grew on me

Like a 19^th century bottle of

Old money kind’a wine

She knew about us for years

And for years she took a back seat

Because she knew without me

His heart was strangely weak

He was a police officer

And in the line of duty, he was shot

I screamed!

Please tell me he is not dead!

Please tell me he is not!!

He laid in the hospital

In that dreadful coma for 20 long weeks

It was not her body he longed for

Between those hospital sheets

It was hard for her to deny

Because she knew if she did not find me

Her husband would surely die

This woman knew he was in love with me

And only wanted her husband to survive

So willing to do anything

To keep her husband alive

She grabbed his phone

Braced herself

And stood up on her feet

She sought me out knowing

His heart was strangely weak

I laid with him

And she approved of me

In that hospital bed

She silently requested help

And pushed me towards his bed

A few days later he awoke

I jumped up from between the sheets 

And it killed her

As she looked on

Knowing

I was the reason

His heart still beat

Its been three years now

And she is still his wife 

And  everyday

I regret the day

I saved that bastard’s life!

What the fuck is this !?!? – Poetry

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/audio-recording-on-saturday

I didn’t mean to give myself to another

He startled me as I turned around.
I heard his manly sound

It was him 

I was caught off guard when he said

What the fuck is this!

I told my husband it was only a kiss

I stood there in the rain as the gel from my curl set ran down my temple

I love you
I said, and again, he said

What the fuck is this!!

I, I, I, as I stuttered to try and find the words

My mistress stood there pleading with her eyes for me to acknowledge her

She wanted me to say, this is the woman I’ve been seeing every day

But I stood there
Blank

As I watched my husband’s heart sink into the earth with the rain

I wanted to reverse this pain

He said again with much more authority

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!!!!
If it was only a kiss why is she crying

I stood there

Trapped
But if I walked away now I knew I’d miss her

We all just stood there

In the rain

Blank

As I thought

What the fuck is this!

DECIEVED (POETRY W/AUDIO)

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/deceived

Walking blindly into a deep abyss.

Vulnerable…

But still willing to take that fatal kiss.

DECEPTION…

The cover that loomed above.

Drowning in a fantasy of lies and forbidden love.

Smeared with deception so thick it couldn’t be cut.

Needing so desperately to close a door I was unable to shut.

My heart is so heavy and my belly won’t obey.

My mind says one thing, but the ache in my heart won’t go away.

This fantasy I created.

Oh, how I wish it were real.

But my anger won’t let me forget what this man tried so hard to steal.

Its only been a little while.

I was empty.

And so it didn’t take long.

Before my fantasy turned into that same tragic song.

Denial was the essence that enabled me not to see.

That this man was not my future or even part of my destiny.

DECEPTION mailed with a smile.

I could see it for miles but laid in my own denial.

Trails, tracks and footprints so many clues.

Can’t blame him cause I chose to play the fool.

Heart won’t stop pounding thru my chest.

Could be feeling worse thought I had mastered this mess.

Tired of feeling my own heartbeat!

Tired of listening to my own lies!

Though I know the truth I still lie in my own denial!

Got to force myself to eat!

Tossing and turning between my own sheets.

I finally ball myself up in a knot and cry myself to sleep.

Accepting complete defeat.

On my knees praying, crying and begging God for emotional freedom…

But still wanting so, so, so, so, so, so badly just to see him.

Just to kiss him.

Just to touch him.

Justa, justa what!!!!

Well if I knew I wouldn’t be writing so fucking much.

My thinking is so jilted its hard just to concentrate.

But I’m going to hold on and if I do eventually I will be back in a peaceful state.

I will get thru this and there will be another guy and hopefully I won’t have to tell the next one goodbye.

One more thing, I WILL NOT GET HIGH.

 

Loveme

Loveme

Loveme

Loveme

Loveme

Loveme

Loveme

Loveme

Loveme

PleaseLoveme!

POETIC JUIC (POETRY) I AM NOT A RAPPER W/AUDIO (:

http://soundcloud.com/you/tracks?page=2#play

PERRIZZITES LAY BABIES IN MY BRAIN

FORCING POETIC GERMS FROM THESE MYTHOLOGICOL VEINS

I WRITE AND PUT MY RANDOM THOUGHTS IN MIND CARVED FRAMES

AND I BASK IN MY GLORY PLAYING THIS POETIC GAME

MY PASSION HAS NO MERCY

IT HAS NO SENSLESS SHAME

I’M SWORN TO SECRECY

I HAVE NO POETIC GAIN

Chapter 2

I  SAVOIR EVERY IMAGE

BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO WAISTE IT

RUNNING FROM THE ANTI-CHRIST

BECAUSE I KNOW HE WILL HATE IT

USING THIS POETRY TO SOOTH MY POETIC NERVES

BUT THE TRUTH IS I’M LOST WITHOUT THESE PROPHETIC VERBS

PROPHASEING LIARS SCREAMING IN THE STREETS POETIC WORDS

DEAD WORDS WAS HIS  ANTHEM

AND EMPTY WORDS IS WHAT I HEARD

Chapter 3

I WRITE UNTIL MY FINGERS BLEED

MAKING BABIES TO ADD ON TO THIS POETIC BREED

AND MY GARDEN IS WHERE I PLANT THESE POETIC SEEDS

FOR ALL WHO ROAM MY PASTURES TO MEDITATE AND READ

IT GETS HARD FOR ME TO BREATH

TRYING TO FULL FILL THIS PATHETIC NEED

I TAKE REFUGE IN THESE WORDS

I HIDE BEHIND MY POETIC TREE

Chapter 4

I’M WORDS AWAY

FROM EXPOSEING THIS POETIC TRUTH

YOU CAN’T TAKE ME AWAY FROM MY POETIC ROOTS

MY GARDEN IS RICH WITH COLORFUL POETIC FRUIT

A CUP OF WORDS

TABLE SPOONS OF SPICES

COME DRINK THIS POETIC JUICE

I MUSE JUST TO CONFUSE

FILLING UP ON POETIC SOUP

WORDS DANGLING FROM

THIS POETIC NOOSE

Chapter 5

IT BREATHS ON ME

FEEDS ON ME

BREEDS IN ME

AND WONT LEAVE FROM ME

SO I SCRIBE AND PLANT POETIC SEEDS

I’M ADDICTED TO WORDS

THIS IS MY PATHETIC  NEED

Invictus By William Ernest Henley (Featured Poet)

Out of the night that covers me, 
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning’s of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

I SURVIVED! (POETRY REPOST ADDED AUDIO)

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/i-survived#play

YES I SURVIVED

IM SO GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE!

BECAUSE I’VE ENDURED!

YES I’VE PUSHED ON!

AND YES I’VE SURVIVE!

WHAT SEEMED TO BE SOMETHING THAT WOULD NEVER EVER END!

I’VE LANDED ON MY FEET AND HERE I AM AGAIN!

BEAMING LIKE THE SUN!

SPROUTING LIKE A TREE!

AND EVERY DAY I WAKE UP, GOD WATERS ME!

MY PROCESS JUST STARTED AND I WILL PROBABLY NEVER BE DONE!

BUT EVERY NIGHT I GO TO BED I THANK GOD FOR WHO I’VE BECOME!

IM NOT THAT MASK I PUT ON SOMETIMES FOR THE WORLD TO SEE!

THAT’S JUST SOMETHING I PUT ON TO PROTECT THE LITTLE GIRL IN ME!

AND IT BOTHERS ME WHEN PEOPLE CAN SEE MY VULNERABILITY.

BUT, IM LEARNING!

AND I PUSH ON!

AND NO!

I HAVE NOT ARRIVED!

BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN I TAKE OFF A LAYER AND THAT OLD PART OF ME DIES!

IT’S NOT EASY!

AND IT’S NOT COMFORTABLE!

AND THE PROCESS NEVER ENDS!

GOD WILL SEND YOU SOMEONE ONE DAY YOUR COMFORTABLE CALLING FRIEND!

ONE DAY YOU WAKE UP AND THE FEELING MAY BE REALLY, REALLY WEIRD.

BECAUSE ALL YOUR PAST PAIN HAS COMPLETLEY DISAPEARED.

AND IF NOT TOTALLY.

I PROMISE SOME WOULD HAVE GONE AWAY.

PREPARING YOU FOR SOMEONE YOU’LL SAY THE SAME THINGS TO ONE DAY.

IM SO, SO, SO GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE!

BECAUSE I’VE ENDURED!

YES I’VE PUSHED ON!

AND YES!

I HAVE SURVIED!!!!!

                                                                       

Thank you, Tammy “Pitt Bull” Johnson

     

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/my-avatar-part-3-poetry#

This twisted kiss

I’m hating this

Exposing all this fckin’ shit

The word play

The comments today

Lead me down a path of twisted no where’s

With shares and likes

But who is it that really sits behind that pc

From my solace carries malice

But you wouldn’t know just by reading me

Never seeing me but looking thru me

From my reality

My Avatar

She waves goodbye to me

Only a morbid sign

Of rotten chimes

Sounds of angels

But the root is mangled

And I will never be granted my wings

Because off all the bad things I’ve seen

As I watch her play on that wicked and rusted swing

Posting this shit for you to read between what’s caught

The twisted thoughts

A fckin’ sadist

 Is how I made this

Sick game

For her own personal gain

Re-lived

Innocents

Free me from this dark cloud of razor blades

Anxiety and depression

Living in this lesson

That I tainted with my own haunted files

I only needed her for a little while

Now bats circle my bed

Like a storm brewing over my head

And stewing in suicidal thoughts

Caught in a web

That keeps me isolated

Gabriel keeps trying to get me to journey the map

It’s a silly trap and I remember the road that it traveled for way too long

Singing hate me by Blue October http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddxgsvjinlu

Left

Right

And none are right so I lose sight

Of what’s right with the wrong

And I listen while crying to Blue October’s song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddxgsvjinlu

Hate me

 

 

I’m lost, and I’m trying to find my way back.

Where am I?

Who are you?

I’m schizo and you look schizo too.

How do I get out of this fucking box?

I’m walking but I can’t feel my feet.

I’m being pushed by a fiery heat.

OUCH!!!

That hurts.

STOP!!!

Where the fuck am I?

It’s dark.

I can’t see.

WILL SOMEONE TURN ON THE FUCKING LIGHTS!!!

Wait! Wait!

This can’t be right.

Something’s wrong.

Where are the damn lights?

It’s dark.

Shit, I’m scared.

This is weird.

Damn, it’s HOT.

WILL SOMEONE TURN THE DAMN HEAT OFF!!!

PLEASE, PLEASE….

Ok, ok let me calm down and figure out how the hell I got here so I can get the hell out.

Ok, think.

The last thing I remember.

What was the last thing I remember?

Oh, I was with that guy and he was so, so fine.

Shit, I’m drawing a blank.

My eyes are getting heavy.

I. Just. Want. To.Go. To. Sleep.

BITCH WAKE UP!!!

BITCH WAKE UP!!!

WHERE WAS I?

Oh, oh ok I remember.

The bathroom.

I was in the bathroom.

That man was with me.

I can’t keep my eyes open.

OPEN YOU’RE FUCKIN EYES.

Come on open, open…

It feels like I’m watching a movie.

This shit is crazy.

I have got to pull myself together.

It’s the PROZAC.

Yeah.

The fucking PROZAC…

FUCKIN WITH MY HEAD!

I need to get off these drugs.

HEY!!!

HEY YOU OVER THERE!!!

Where the fuck are we?

Hey, where you going?

You can’t just leave me here.

Shit I. AM. FADING.

It feels so good.

Oh please let me fade.

It feels too good to come back now.

GRAB MY HAND!!!

COME ON GRAB MY HAND!!!

I have got to leave those fucking drugs alone.

Mental note…

Need a bigger bathroom.

Thank you, Insanity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PROZAC

I’m lost, and I’m trying to find my way back.

Where am I?

Who are you?

I’m schizo and you look schizo too.

How do I get out of this fucking box?

I’m walking but I can’t feel my feet.

I’m being pushed by a fiery heat.

OUCH!!!

That hurts.

STOP!!!

Where the fuck am I?

It’s dark.

I can’t see.

WILL SOMEONE TURN ON THE FUCKING LIGHTS!!!

Wait! Wait!

This can’t be right.

Something’s wrong.

Where are the damn lights?

It’s dark.

Shit, I’m scared.

This is weird.

Damn, it’s HOT.

WILL SOMEONE TURN THE DAMN HEAT OFF!!!

PLEASE, PLEASE….

Ok, ok let me calm down and figure out how the hell I got here so I can get the hell out.

Ok, think.

The last thing I remember.

What was the last thing I remember?

Oh, I was with that guy and he was so, so fine.

Shit, I’m drawing a blank.

My eyes are getting heavy.

I. Just. Want. To.Go. To. Sleep.

BITCH WAKE UP!!!

BITCH WAKE UP!!!

WHERE WAS I?

Oh, oh ok I remember.

The bathroom.

I was in the bathroom.

That man was with me.

I can’t keep my eyes open.

OPEN YOU’RE FUCKIN EYES.

Come on open, open…

It feels like I’m watching a movie.

This shit is crazy.

I have got to pull myself together.

It’s the PROZAC.

Yeah.

The fucking PROZAC…

FUCKIN WITH MY HEAD!

I need to get off these drugs.

HEY!!!

HEY YOU OVER THERE!!!

Where the fuck are we?

Hey, where you going?

You can’t just leave me here.

Shit I. AM. FADING.

It feels so good.

Oh please let me fade.

It feels too good to come back now.

GRAB MY HAND!!!

COME ON GRAB MY HAND!!!

I have got to leave those fucking drugs alone.

Mental note…

Need a bigger bathroom.

Thank you, Insanity.