HALF WOMAN/HALF LITTLE GIRL (POETRY)

This was a dangerous combination

This mangled relation

That confused even me

Hungry for this thing

That challenged the woman who lived in me

To set this little girl free

She keeps trying to suppress  the grown up in me

I’m trying to burry this little brat

Who keeps showing up to see

If she’s the one who is in control of me

She shows up at the most opportune times

Shoving her way rudely to the front of my line

Violently screaming

IM HERE…

My heart throbbing with fear

And she proceeds anyway

Daring anybody to get in the woman’s way

She has to have it her way

And sometimes

Not even I can control her

I try not to disturb her

Can’t parole her

Because she is the little girl

Who will probably

Always

Live in me

SHE LIED (POETRY)

 

There was something sinister about her strategic move

He was confused and to say the least

Behooved

 

Because she had no belly

 

She wanted him

He wanted other ladies

She would do anything to keep him

So she lied about having a baby

 

He was excited and even started picking out names

She had to plot more and more

To keep up with this maniacal game

 

The gig was up when he called her buff

He cried out in anger

And said

Enough is enough

 

He took her back

Again

And again

What she didn’t know

Was this time he was out for revenge

 

He despised her for this outrageous lie

And once again

She begged him to give their relationship one more try

 

In the end he couldn’t wait to tell her he took another woman for his wife

She broke into their house

Shot him

Shot her

Then she took her own life

 

 

To many fish in the sea, stop domestic violence!

 

 

 

 

HAPPY (POETRY)

I was in a dead zone

And no amount of encouragement could convince me

That

I wasn’t alone

There was a moan in my soul

And every emotion in me was cold

 

And my thoughts lied to me

 

So I did nothing

 

One day I woke up

And the pain subsided

And joy overrides

This dark emotion

 

And for a brief second

 

I was happy

HE LIED (POETRY)

 

Adrenaline whizzed through my veins

And I tried hard to maintain

Some sort of dignity

I had the opportunity to bow out gracefully

But I stayed

My reactions were delayed

And every personality that lived in me

Felt betrayed

Because he lied

 

Every minute felt like an eternity

I felt the burn in me

Ready to ignite

Every nerve in me was ready for this fight

And I knew I had no business going there

I sped to his house

At a 100 mile per hour zoom

I tore up everything

I went room to room

 

This was distasteful

I was mean and I was hateful

And it sickened me

This infliction in me

That consumed every entrance in me

 

But I was already possessed

So I prayed for relief

Because this feeling was way too deep

 

I was not a rah-rah girl

Just a woman who had been lied to

GOODNESS AND MERCY (POETRY)

Psalms 23:6

I feel there is something

Or someone who or that

Is always there

Watching over and protecting me

They were surely the perfect pair

They weren’t conflicting or argumentive

They were loving

And if you ask me

Much too fair

And even when I was angry

Their love was always there

It’s some Jesus stuff they sprinkle

When things are dark like night

And they will never leave or forsake me

No matter how tough the fight

There is one thing I am sure of

Although my choices aren’t always right

Goodness and Mercy shall follow me

All the days of my life

AUGUST 11th (POETRY W/AUDIO)

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/AUGUST-recording-on-tuesday-2

August came and went

It was just a beautiful seasons

The reason was not a life time

But the lesson

Was forever

LEMONADE (POETRY W/ AUDIO)

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/lemonade-poetry

I will make lemonade

And dance and sing

And laugh and cry

And drive far distances while singing praises

I will stomp and cry

And laugh and talk to myself and ramble on

And cry and laugh and tear up

I will write poetry

And write

And write

And write some more

I will isolate with God

And talk and laugh and drive far distances

I will stop and vent to strangers and God

And cry and sing and laugh and dance

And I will read scriptures and meditate on TD Jakes sermons

And call my best friend and tell her all about my woes

I will hate myself and my decisions and second guess myself

I will meditate on my past

Not just him but her too

And I will dance harder because I know

My break through is on the other side of my stomp

And I will cuddle up to grandmamma

And talk to God, auntie and myself

I will sing my favorite Yolanda Adams song and

And I will sing it loud and cry some more

I will go to self-help groups

Listen to more sermons

Take long walks while singing praises

And think

And cry and laugh

And dance

And squeeze lemons

And I will not hate him

Or her

But in the end

I will thank them

While serving lemonade

In celebration glasses

LESBIAN (POETRY)

I think of all the reasons

I fell in love with

A girl

 

We manipulated these rules

That was given by the maker of this world

 

There was a peaceful dysfunction

In these mental lines

Called love

 

Afraid of this mapped out plan

That had been sent from the heavens above

 

We confused our relationship

That was never supposed to be

 

But she was the mommy I never had the opportunity to see

I was confusing myself

With the truth that  was deep rooted in me

 

I had to let go

For my own spiritual sake

And she has been the only relationship in my life

I have been unable to shake

PARADIGM SHIFT (POETRY)

There was a paradigm shift

That came way too late

Because

I was already

Gone…

Mourning – Poetry

I listened to his heart beat

I wrapped my legs between his feet

I watched him sleep and tucked him safely away in the warmth of my sheets

I played with his ears 

Somehow that soothed my fears

About 

Mourning

I scaled his face with my point finger

And I cried

Because

Mourning

Was well on its way