https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/audio-recording-on-saturday-1

I am riding the embers of these aches

I am LaBella

And I will die alone

A wrinkled

Old slut

I am riding the embers of these aches

I am wondering in this valley

With a shadow

Called death

Desperately trying every trick

To inhale my last breath

As the shadow kneels

It does everything in its power

To make me feel

What is not real

Peel me of my iniquities

My infidelities

This shadow plays mind games with me

It’s crazy in here!

And i can hear the sounds

That tries to keep me bound

To thine own self be true

I’m running from my shadow

Like that scary clown from school

I am screaming out for help

I am doomed to the top shelf

Like a broken piece of china

Labeled

Afflicted!

Addicted!

It’s the wicked things I tell myself

Whew!

It’s crazy in here!

And that thing

That silly thing

That god awful thing

Called fear

Keeps echoing between my ears

And all I can hear

Is

It’s crazy in here!

Here

Here

Here

Echoing

It’s crazy in here!

Here

Here

Here

Even robots cry

To dance through a metals wave

To bend iron cast down

Built ships through this junk filled maze

Awaiting rust

Standing still from yester years decay

Rainbows have rain

Rain has dirt

But robots have people 

Who feel nothing

Even when they hurt

 

Even robots cry 

SEE FULL POEM

https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2012/09/20/i-moved-that-mountain-poetry/

You can’t see that mountain I moved

I moved it through grooves

Tombs

And empty rooms

Yup just me and God (:

His eyes weighed heavy on me like 500 hundred pound dumb bells

Hoping he couldn’t read into all my body language and what it could tell

Cause I was moved by his smooth

But was playing it cool

And was trying to keep to this first time rule

I really needed him to move from my side ways view

I was afraid he could see

The fear that lied in me

And smell the lust that rivaled in my mind

And made musical notes in a pattern down my spin

And he was poetry to my soul

From the top of my head to my pinky toe

I swear I felt him land

Dangling like candy above the palm of my hand

Because when I looked at him I saw nothing but man

And boy was I trying hard not to look

I have to be honest I was halfway shook

As I peered deeper and deeper into this novel

He was a 400 page book

I was pretending not to read

And trying hard to breath

As he moved closer to me

At a manly speed

This was the third time we had met

At this very place

And each time he took in

Every inch of my face

Starting at my eyes

And ending at my waist

My emotions failed me

And his eyes derailed me

He sat beside me

Anxiety over rides me

I thought

This isn’t fair I just wanted to sit here

His scent scaled my nose

And every emotion in me rose

BECAUSE HE SMELLED SO GOOD!

I’d kiss him if I could

But he was a stranger

I smelled DANGER

I had to tame her

That thing in me that said many things

That only pain would bring

I moved fast

Trying to erase my past

And I had to let go of the belief

That even love don’t last

I am not a victim

And won’t hold myself hostage to my past

He was dark like chocolate

Just how I liked it

So I relaxed my wall

And he turned and looked at me

He towered over me, this man was tall

And it took deliberate effort for me to get up and leave

Can I have your number?

He even said please

This is the 3rd time I’ve seen you

Can we make it four

You intrigue me, he said

And I’d like to know more

I would come back to this place

Because he had planted a seed

But all I could do was get up and leave

I WILL MEET HIM AGAIN

AT THAT SAME COFFEE SPOT

AND THIS TIME….

WELL YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW

FOR THE NEXT UPDATE

MY MYSTERY MAN 

TRUE STORY

Grandmamma used to say “little girl stay on these steps”

With an attitude!

Giving me that look to let me know

She was not in the mood

And there is where I always wanted to be

And I didn’t care

Now I want to be anywhere but here

To make this picture anything but clear

So I can be anything but weird

So tired of all these f##ckin’ tears

Wake me from this fantasy I’m in

I want to write a new story

I want him completely washed from my skin

Give me a paper and pin

Leave me

With over a dozen pins

Cause Im’a write and type till I make this right

I’m looking pass it all

I clearly see my midnight

And he will be all mines

Cause I’ll rhyme and mime

To erase this pain if only for a brief time

With every man I invite in

I feel him being washed from my skin

And the invitation is not to my womb

But to that dark place that had become a tomb

Of sorrow and blank tomorrows

Grandmamma used to say “stay on these steps”

But there is where I always wanted to be

Tired of crying wolf just so he could notice me

So tired of this bitter taste

Kissing another man

Truly wishing it was his face

I want him off my skin

So another man can embrace me

And be emotionally free to say yes

When he asks

If he can he taste me

Get!

Off!

Of!

Me!

Sometimes I can hear it

Your spirit

I feel it

When I peel you

Off of me

I fear you when you scale my soul

And antagonize me with your mind control

But I can’t tell anyone

No one but me and God knows

See, my tears drown me

And the thoughts surround me

The most profound artery

The heart

The best part of me

And a picture is still not worth a thousand words

Here I sit

Caged by this weapon

This lesson

This transgression

An invisible blessing

That awaits me after the rain

Cause we won’t sustain

Without a little pain

You would crucify me

If you could see

Thank God no one can ever know

But God and me

Only a fool continues to think about

What was

But worst of all

What could never be

And it hurts

That no one can know

But God and me

And his lesson has not fallen on deaf ears

So I am grateful that he was their

To catch my every tear

But it still hurts

That no one can ever know

But God and me

STOP looking in my mind

And taking me back in time

STOP takeing me to places

I never wished to go

STOP tryn’a make me fit

In your 3 dementional grit

STOP tryn’a make me bleed

STOP tryn’a make me see

Only pieces of what could be

STOP

Because the other pieces are with her

STOP TRYING TO HOLD ON

TO SOMETHING THAT WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE

STOP PRETENDING TO LOVE ME

STOP!

Things are not always as they appear

I loved you from a distance

Because I knew dooms day would come

There were too many reasons to run

Like chasing the sun

See, we were always shades of grey

And I just wanted your pain to go away

But never at my expense

And it will never be the same

‘Cause sensations knows your name

From past games

And she has only her image to sustain

So never think it’s about you…

See from my womanly point of view

She will never want you

The way you want her to

And you will be broken

Once

Again

Be

Cause

She

Is

Tainted

Tainted by the past

And even love don’t last

Fool of me!

And now…

I wait

And wait

I wait patiently

 

Something in me

Or someone

Sways for a breeze

To make laughter in-between this hunt

To make hours pass minutes 

Give solace to this broken grunt

Universe help me shift

Free me from this ignorance

So we can coexist?