Sinister (Audio Poetry)

Wires Hang me from lines

Feeling my dysfunction

Misused like concubines
***

Movement sublimes and gesture persuade this tri-polar mind
While

A thesaurus of recordings memoirs and movies wait cynically for the right time
***
They all submit to my personalities
SHHHHHHHH
Whispers: They’re listening
Systematically
***
Waiting for the right time

Always skilled at entering occupied areas

In spite of danger signs
***

!PARANOID!
***

And church can’t sooth me
***

Secret missions scythe my mind and carve 666 in a pattern down my spine

Behind enemy lines

Camouflaged into the walls

Something dragged me aimlessly down haunted halls

Where faces plague me
Past images degrade me

And force me to repeatedly listen to Blue October

Hate me
***

My emotions betray me
Then my thoughts berate me
I go adrift and they sedate me
My instinct violate me
And sensations date rape me
***

Till I wonder to nowhere

And everywhere

And become wonder woman

Doing 100 on 71 South

Demons position curse word to my mouth
***

I live in this hell
This hell!

Critically tryna’ blink myself into a southern bell
***

God made me ugly so He could love me

And you can hate me

I despise ever being born

I’m constantly
And consistently

Begging God

To please relieve me of this thorn

Sinister (Poetry)

Wires Hang me from lines

Feeling my dysfunction

Misused like concubines
***

Movement sublimes and gesture persuade this tri-polar mind
While

A thesaurus of recordings memoirs and movies wait cynically for the right time
***
They all submit to my personalities
SHHHHHHHH
Whispers: They’re listening
Systematically
***
Waiting for the right time

Always skilled at entering occupied areas

In spite of danger signs
***

!PARANOID!
***

And church can’t sooth me
***

Secret missions scythe my mind and carve 666 in a pattern down my spine

Behind enemy lines

Camouflaged into the walls

Something dragged me aimlessly down haunted halls

Where faces plague me
Past images degrade me

And force me to repeatedly listen to Blue October

Hate me
***

My emotions betray me
Then my thoughts berate me
I go adrift and they sedate me
My instinct violate me
And sensations date rape me
***

Till I wonder to nowhere

And everywhere

And become wonder woman

Doing 100 on 71 South

Demons position curse word to my mouth
***

I live in this hell
This hell!

Critically tryna’ blink myself into a southern bell
***

God made me ugly so He could love me

And you can hate me

I despise ever being born

I’m constantly
And consistently

Begging God

To please relieve me of this thorn

No Deviation (Haiku)

Off to grandmamma house

The scenic route is tempting

No feeding the bears

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/remembering#share

As I sat on the edge of my bed praying for redemption 

I felt the knot in my gut spring up in my soul

My body went cold and the memories took control

And I asked God for forgiveness because only he knew what I did

And the people who did it…

I got rid of that thing because I knew it was his

And I hated him

The thing was a monster

I wanted it gone

I wanted it dead

But still so much a part of me

I did not want the world to see

What this man planted in me

I laid still frozen on my back

While I heard the chants from the windows

From murmurs priest and Catholic’s

Screaming

MURDERER!

As one single tear drop fell from my eye

And collided pass my ear and slid down my neck

And froze itself right there

Tickling my neck

But this was not funny

And I dare not even crack a smile

I laid frozen on my back as the chants got louder

I refuse to cry because that would have been an admission of

Of…

Of…

Of something I dare not admit with this tongue

The thing was a monster

I wanted it gone

I wanted it dead

But still so much a part of me

This thing that lived inside of me

Was haunting me

And I heard him whisper

You are beautiful, as he brushed my hair to the side

Every night at 3 o clock in the morning

And I was mourning for my innocents

That I lost a long time ago

Now I live with this thing

This thing

This monstrous thing!

I just knew I’d be free…

As I laid there flat on my back

Spread eagle

Waiting for this thing to exit my womb

I wanted to bury it,,,

Tie a chain to it

And throw it in the sea

OF THE FORGOTTEN

AND THE FORGIVEN

So it can never again resurface

I was praying to have not

One

Single

Memory

Of this event

But here

I lay

20 Years Later

Still

Flat on my back

REMEMBERING…

Rest (POETRY)

I AM IN MY FATHERS PRECIOUS HANDS!!

And I just happen to be part of his perfect plan

I’ve been taken to that holy place

But never forget me when you feel the breeze

It’s me kissing your face

GOD MAKES ALL THINGS GOOD

And If I could stay you all know that I would

But he’s been calling me home for some time

And it feels awfully strange

Leaving so many loved ones behind

I want you all to know I’m in an AMAZING place

I’ve left you all with memories that can never be erased

Don’t worry I am fine

I’ve lived my life

And it was just my time

Life is as it should be

Cancer was the excuse but the truth is…

Jesus needed me!

We’re born to die

To live

And I gave life all I had to give

I am finally home

I see familiar faces so don’t worry I’m not alone

Please understand

I AM AT PEACE

Grieve me and dream of me in your sleep

And I promise you will remember when you awake

And all of you being here today

I want you to know this is no mistake

God is in the midst of it all

My name was in that book and I answered to His call

Smell me while you drive

Feel me in your hearts

Hear me in your children’s voices

Remember me but please don’t cry

Because I AM REJOICING with the lord

NEONS!!!!

Far beyond the sky!

HEAVEN!!!!!!

Notice me when the sun shines

When the light flickers

When my favorite song comes on

Feel me when the air is so still

And don’t second guess if I’m there

KNOW THAT I AM!!!!!

Because

I WILL ALWAYS

AND FOREVER!

Live in your hearts...

I got a Secret…Author Unknown

My mother used to tell me I would go to kindergarten sucking my thumb

And I did

My mother used to tell me I would go into Jr. high school sucking my thumb

And I did

My mother told me I would go to high school sucking my thumb

And I did

My mother always told me I would go to college sucking my thumb

And I did

My mother told me I would be a senior citizen sucking my thumb

And I was

My mother told me I would die sucking my thumb

And I did

CREEPY HUGS – POETRY

 

I’m crying out to you

So please just love me

I’m obsessed with wanting to be loved

Like the mountain by the mist

Held by the vista and its foggy kiss

Even God loves the earth that’s not even worth the land it occupies

Dead lies of false love

Creepy Hug

And the pull that strains my brain

Hard to obtain compassion for this game

I’m sad by this lonely that runs thru these hollow veins

This lonely makes me crave cocaine

Can’t deal

Don’t want to deal with what was

Remembering those Creepy Hugs

 

 

 

                                                         

                                  

He made me feel like I was in dream

With a lot of gentle

Mixed with a just enough mean

He touched me softly

And my nibbles arose

He even asked me if he could suck my toes

He was nothing like the last man  I choose

He sucked on my nibbles

Like cherries to the seed

I was hungry for this ocean in me to be freed

I rolled over, trying to shift my weight

I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming

It felt like I was in some kind of dream state

He kissed my neck

And he made me moan

He looked in my eyes

Challenging my sensual tone

I tried to get up but he pinned me down

And all I heard was nasty, wet slurping sounds

He had me wet and paralyzed to the bed

His face disappeared and all I saw was his head

Finally he came up for air and kissed me on my face

I pulled him closer because I wanted to taste

And I licked his face leaving non of me to waste

I laid back screaming

Because his tongue felt so good

I really wanted to cum

I really felt like I could

He said

You better not cum

But every emotion in me won

When he went back down

And I began to scream

And I was pissed off when the flight attendant woke me

Realizing

It was only

Just

A dream

 

Wishing I was anorexic to throw up this mess

Heart pounding through my chest

Pedestrians moving slow just to watch this train wreck

In the midst of all the confusion

I try so hard to defuse them

To refuse them

The thoughts that sought after me

As I walk in the valley of the shadow of death

I fear all evil

The reason is treason is why those things hunt for me

And melts my candles dry way before that 100^th try

Grown in my pants doing the happy dance

Transforming sin

Only to begin the noise again

Like wolves in the night

The eye can’t see what the mind tries so hard to fight

Scrambling and fighting for what’s right with the wrong

Because God takes too long

Want to live not relive the forgotten, because the roots rotten

But I still try as my dreams fly by

I ain’t fuckin’ around with that evil sound that keeps talkin’ to me and comin’ to me, and wantin’ me!

And the light always shines on my weary soul!

In my heart of heart there’s something I know I need to do

But I can’t remember because I keep falling asleep

Wake me up from this possession I’m in

This desperation I’m in

Nailed to my own personal cross of sorrow

Waiting for tomorrow

To turn it all around!!!!

Before I hear that sadistic sound that knows my name and has everything to gain

But I’m back in that empty room

My own personal tomb

That I dressed up with flowers

Knick knacks

And curtains

To cover the cinder blocks that took me too long to stack

Some little girls waiting for me!

Some little girl is waiting for me!

Some little girl is waiting just for me!

And been waitin’ and waitin’

And she ain’t waitin’ for my sad to take me away

She got some things she got-sta  say

Like

What took you so long?

Waiting for a Real Jesus! – Poetry

He never hears me when I pray
Moving in this corrupt wrong 
’cause waiting on God just seems to take too long
If He is the way the truth and the light
Why did He allow my children to burn to death
In that house on Blue street in the middle of the night
I don’t care what artificial Christians say
Imposter counterfeit contrived
He’s just the typical cliché
A myth to reach the mass
Pastor looking boldly at my 13 year old daughters ass
Mothers of the church turning up their noses calling me fast
My passions only made my Christ queasy
His sacrifice was heroic
I’m sure it didn’t come easy
***
While onlookers gather in the streets
Making haste pointing fingers while He hung  battered and weak

Sinners Traders and Judas secretly know
I looked deep within and asked
 But Lord is it me though 

I know your voice that so mercifully freed us
So I wait patiently and diligently
For a real Jesus!
❤