https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/morning-dew-haiku
The sun brings mourning
Swept away like yesterday
And today I smile
What the fuck is this !?!? – Poetry
http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/audio-recording-on-saturday
I didn’t mean to give myself to another
He startled me as I turned around.
I heard his manly sound
It was him
I was caught off guard when he said
What the fuck is this!
I told my husband it was only a kiss
I stood there in the rain as the gel from my curl set ran down my temple
I love you
I said, and again, he said
What the fuck is this!!
I, I, I, as I stuttered to try and find the words
My mistress stood there pleading with her eyes for me to acknowledge her
She wanted me to say, this is the woman I’ve been seeing every day
But I stood there
Blank
As I watched my husband’s heart sink into the earth with the rain
I wanted to reverse this pain
He said again with much more authority
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!!!!
If it was only a kiss why is she crying
I stood there
Trapped
But if I walked away now I knew I’d miss her
We all just stood there
In the rain
Blank
As I thought
What the fuck is this!
Voice – Poe-Estory Warning: Very sad poem
https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/voice
His name was Tommy and his spirit’s alive and well
I hope you don’t mind it’s his story I shall tell
He would be 37 but at the time he was 12
And for many years his life was a living hell.
It’s his father he despised
All his sneaky ways and dirty little lies
His dad was strange in many different ways
What Tommy didn’t know is his dad had full blown AIDS
His dad was in denial; he wouldn’t take any meds
Every night Tommy’s dad would cry then come lay in Tommy’s bed
Tommy was 12, to him a man, he knew this wasn’t right
He’d lay there quiet, he dare not fight
He was 15 and with every fiber he said NO!
His dad looked at him and they both stood toe to toe
Tommy stood strong as his dad raised his fist
This was his life and wasn’t it supposed to be a gift
Life’s meaning erased
And even his favorite pie had a bitter taste
He started feeling strange but he didn’t want to believe
His dad had given him this horrible disease called HIV
Tommy’s life at this point, he felt like he had no say
Because the thoughts and feelings he was having surely made him gay
His father died and he was glad to see him go
He was a constant reminder of this disease and no one else could know
This thing had him tossing and turning all through the night
He was tired and said, Toya, I just don’t have the strength to fight
Tommy let the years pass him by with each passing day
The truth was he was scared and let fear lead the way
He was like a shadow chasing the sun until it disappeared
Tommy was lost and bound to a zillion little tears
Strangely his first semester class did a project on children with AIDS
And he decided to take his life back on that very special day
As he walked through the hospital children marked by sores
Babies in small bubbles; his heart was completely torn
He ran to the bathroom and cried until he hit the floor
He asked God; please tell me what is all this for
I don’t do drugs
I don’t sleep around
And Tommy didn’t want to be gay
His dad was just a real sick man that took his innocence away
For all the children who don’t have a choice
Tommy decided to take a stand and be the children’s voice
He stood in front of thousands and said
My name is Tommy and I have AIDS
And I’m speaking for all the little people who become victims every day
His body’s 6 feet under but his spirit is still alive
And if you’re reading this then his spirit has survived
This is Tommy’s way of continuing to be the children’s voice
This is for all the little people who never had a choice
Thank you Tommy
FALLACIES (30 DAYS OF HAIKUS) REPOST W/AUDIO
http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/fallacies-haiku
PIECES OF MY DREAMS
FALLACIES OVER TAKE ME
FREE ME FROM MY TRUTH
DECIEVED (POETRY W/AUDIO)
https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/deceived
Walking blindly into a deep abyss.
Vulnerable…
But still willing to take that fatal kiss.
DECEPTION…
The cover that loomed above.
Drowning in a fantasy of lies and forbidden love.
Smeared with deception so thick it couldn’t be cut.
Needing so desperately to close a door I was unable to shut.
My heart is so heavy and my belly won’t obey.
My mind says one thing, but the ache in my heart won’t go away.
This fantasy I created.
Oh, how I wish it were real.
But my anger won’t let me forget what this man tried so hard to steal.
Its only been a little while.
I was empty.
And so it didn’t take long.
Before my fantasy turned into that same tragic song.
Denial was the essence that enabled me not to see.
That this man was not my future or even part of my destiny.
DECEPTION mailed with a smile.
I could see it for miles but laid in my own denial.
Trails, tracks and footprints so many clues.
Can’t blame him cause I chose to play the fool.
Heart won’t stop pounding thru my chest.
Could be feeling worse thought I had mastered this mess.
Tired of feeling my own heartbeat!
Tired of listening to my own lies!
Though I know the truth I still lie in my own denial!
Got to force myself to eat!
Tossing and turning between my own sheets.
I finally ball myself up in a knot and cry myself to sleep.
Accepting complete defeat.
On my knees praying, crying and begging God for emotional freedom…
But still wanting so, so, so, so, so, so badly just to see him.
Just to kiss him.
Just to touch him.
Justa, justa what!!!!
Well if I knew I wouldn’t be writing so fucking much.
My thinking is so jilted its hard just to concentrate.
But I’m going to hold on and if I do eventually I will be back in a peaceful state.
I will get thru this and there will be another guy and hopefully I won’t have to tell the next one goodbye.
One more thing, I WILL NOT GET HIGH.
Loveme
Loveme
Loveme
Loveme
Loveme
Loveme
Loveme
Loveme
Loveme
PleaseLoveme!
POETIC JUIC (POETRY) I AM NOT A RAPPER W/AUDIO (:
http://soundcloud.com/you/tracks?page=2#play
PERRIZZITES LAY BABIES IN MY BRAIN
FORCING POETIC GERMS FROM THESE MYTHOLOGICOL VEINS
I WRITE AND PUT MY RANDOM THOUGHTS IN MIND CARVED FRAMES
AND I BASK IN MY GLORY PLAYING THIS POETIC GAME
MY PASSION HAS NO MERCY
IT HAS NO SENSLESS SHAME
I’M SWORN TO SECRECY
I HAVE NO POETIC GAIN
Chapter 2
I SAVOIR EVERY IMAGE
BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO WAISTE IT
RUNNING FROM THE ANTI-CHRIST
BECAUSE I KNOW HE WILL HATE IT
USING THIS POETRY TO SOOTH MY POETIC NERVES
BUT THE TRUTH IS I’M LOST WITHOUT THESE PROPHETIC VERBS
PROPHASEING LIARS SCREAMING IN THE STREETS POETIC WORDS
DEAD WORDS WAS HIS ANTHEM
AND EMPTY WORDS IS WHAT I HEARD
Chapter 3
I WRITE UNTIL MY FINGERS BLEED
MAKING BABIES TO ADD ON TO THIS POETIC BREED
AND MY GARDEN IS WHERE I PLANT THESE POETIC SEEDS
FOR ALL WHO ROAM MY PASTURES TO MEDITATE AND READ
IT GETS HARD FOR ME TO BREATH
TRYING TO FULL FILL THIS PATHETIC NEED
I TAKE REFUGE IN THESE WORDS
I HIDE BEHIND MY POETIC TREE
Chapter 4
I’M WORDS AWAY
FROM EXPOSEING THIS POETIC TRUTH
YOU CAN’T TAKE ME AWAY FROM MY POETIC ROOTS
MY GARDEN IS RICH WITH COLORFUL POETIC FRUIT
A CUP OF WORDS
TABLE SPOONS OF SPICES
COME DRINK THIS POETIC JUICE
I MUSE JUST TO CONFUSE
FILLING UP ON POETIC SOUP
WORDS DANGLING FROM
THIS POETIC NOOSE
Chapter 5
IT BREATHS ON ME
FEEDS ON ME
BREEDS IN ME
AND WONT LEAVE FROM ME
SO I SCRIBE AND PLANT POETIC SEEDS
I’M ADDICTED TO WORDS
THIS IS MY PATHETIC NEED
HEART ATTACK! (RANDOM THOUGHT W/ AUDIO)
http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/heart-attack#play
SO GLAD I STILL HAVE MY YOUTH
BECAUSE IF I WERE 80
I WOULD BE DEAD
FROM THIS HEART BREAK
I SURVIVED! (POETRY REPOST ADDED AUDIO)
http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/i-survived#play
YES I SURVIVED
IM SO GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE!
BECAUSE I’VE ENDURED!
YES I’VE PUSHED ON!
AND YES I’VE SURVIVE!
WHAT SEEMED TO BE SOMETHING THAT WOULD NEVER EVER END!
I’VE LANDED ON MY FEET AND HERE I AM AGAIN!
BEAMING LIKE THE SUN!
SPROUTING LIKE A TREE!
AND EVERY DAY I WAKE UP, GOD WATERS ME!
MY PROCESS JUST STARTED AND I WILL PROBABLY NEVER BE DONE!
BUT EVERY NIGHT I GO TO BED I THANK GOD FOR WHO I’VE BECOME!
IM NOT THAT MASK I PUT ON SOMETIMES FOR THE WORLD TO SEE!
THAT’S JUST SOMETHING I PUT ON TO PROTECT THE LITTLE GIRL IN ME!
AND IT BOTHERS ME WHEN PEOPLE CAN SEE MY VULNERABILITY.
BUT, IM LEARNING!
AND I PUSH ON!
AND NO!
I HAVE NOT ARRIVED!
BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN I TAKE OFF A LAYER AND THAT OLD PART OF ME DIES!
IT’S NOT EASY!
AND IT’S NOT COMFORTABLE!
AND THE PROCESS NEVER ENDS!
GOD WILL SEND YOU SOMEONE ONE DAY YOUR COMFORTABLE CALLING FRIEND!
ONE DAY YOU WAKE UP AND THE FEELING MAY BE REALLY, REALLY WEIRD.
BECAUSE ALL YOUR PAST PAIN HAS COMPLETLEY DISAPEARED.
AND IF NOT TOTALLY.
I PROMISE SOME WOULD HAVE GONE AWAY.
PREPARING YOU FOR SOMEONE YOU’LL SAY THE SAME THINGS TO ONE DAY.
IM SO, SO, SO GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE!
BECAUSE I’VE ENDURED!
YES I’VE PUSHED ON!
AND YES!
I HAVE SURVIED!!!!!
Thank you, Tammy “Pitt Bull” Johnson
http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/my-avatar-part-3-poetry#
This twisted kiss
I’m hating this
Exposing all this fckin’ shit
The word play
The comments today
Lead me down a path of twisted no where’s
With shares and likes
But who is it that really sits behind that pc
From my solace carries malice
But you wouldn’t know just by reading me
Never seeing me but looking thru me
From my reality
My Avatar
She waves goodbye to me
Only a morbid sign
Of rotten chimes
Sounds of angels
But the root is mangled
And I will never be granted my wings
Because off all the bad things I’ve seen
As I watch her play on that wicked and rusted swing
Posting this shit for you to read between what’s caught
The twisted thoughts
A fckin’ sadist
Is how I made this
Sick game
For her own personal gain
Re-lived
Innocents
Free me from this dark cloud of razor blades
Anxiety and depression
Living in this lesson
That I tainted with my own haunted files
I only needed her for a little while
Now bats circle my bed
Like a storm brewing over my head
And stewing in suicidal thoughts
Caught in a web
That keeps me isolated
Gabriel keeps trying to get me to journey the map
It’s a silly trap and I remember the road that it traveled for way too long
Singing hate me by Blue October http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddxgsvjinlu
Left
Right
And none are right so I lose sight
Of what’s right with the wrong
And I listen while crying to Blue October’s song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddxgsvjinlu
Hate me
LOST GIRLS (AUDIO POETRY)
http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/lost-girls-poetry#play
REALLY HOPE YOU ENJOY (;
mentalnotes1 