MY “VALLEY” (POETRY) w/ audio

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/my-valley-poetry 

Valleys can either make or break you

My Valley is lonely

 Isolated and full of deceit

Forcing me to retreat back to my shell

 I call a cell

Imprisoned to my own thoughts

Imprisoned to my own tormented mind

Way beyond the required time

I’m drowning in my own little house of horror

And my “Valley” won’t let me go

Silenced by my own paranoia

Afraid to accept LaToya just for whose she is

My intuition tells me I’m wrong

Because I’ve stayed in this “Valley” way too long

And I dressed it up with my own personal sorrow

Calgon won’t take it away

And Ativan only begs my “Valley” to stay

BUT IT’S MINE

I’ve staked claims on many things

Only to find out they were all frivolous flings

But this “Valley” is mine

And I’m not even sure I want to leave

Scared to retrieve the rainbow after the rain

Not sure how grateful I am for the pain

But at least it keeps me in my “Valley”

Away from the world

 That would want nothing more than to eat me alive

My “Valley” helps me survive

I don’t have to talk, smile or converse

And those dreadful hugs that sometimes makes my skin crawl

I often think about leaving this “Valley”

BUT I’M SCARED

When I first got here I promised myself I wouldn’t unpack

 

I knew when I noticed my toothbrush I had gone so far off track

Some say

“Just step out of the mud”

But until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes

PLEASE DON’T JUDGE

It’s mine and I’m just not ready to leave

MY AVATAR ( POETRY W/ AUDIO PART 1)

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/my-avatar-part-2-poetry#play

My avatar loves to come out and play

While keeping all the bad people away

Sugar and spice was a fantasy that had been reversed

By an evil curse that keeps sick lyrics playing in my brain

Shame

Shame is I can’t hide from my hazel eyes

That keep seeing me down this wicked path

Where gargoyles were supposed to make me feel safe

And hide me from my tortured fate

And only they know where I’ve been

As my OCD forces me to repeat things

Over

And over

And over again

My avatar plays double dutch, patty cake, hide and seek

And plays these tapes over and over in my mind sometimes for weeks

Non-stop

That’s when my watched stopped

And froze me right there

For pedestrians to stop and stare at me in my obliviance

Ollie-ollie in come free

Is what they scream at me

deeming

Me

Broken

While I’m smoking up on yesterday

And my avatar

She comforts me in my

Disobedience

She comforts me

In my deviants

AUGUST 11th (POETRY W/AUDIO)

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/AUGUST-recording-on-tuesday-2

August came and went

It was just a beautiful seasons

The reason was not a life time

But the lesson

Was forever

LEMONADE (POETRY W/ AUDIO)

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/lemonade-poetry

I will make lemonade

And dance and sing

And laugh and cry

And drive far distances while singing praises

I will stomp and cry

And laugh and talk to myself and ramble on

And cry and laugh and tear up

I will write poetry

And write

And write

And write some more

I will isolate with God

And talk and laugh and drive far distances

I will stop and vent to strangers and God

And cry and sing and laugh and dance

And I will read scriptures and meditate on TD Jakes sermons

And call my best friend and tell her all about my woes

I will hate myself and my decisions and second guess myself

I will meditate on my past

Not just him but her too

And I will dance harder because I know

My break through is on the other side of my stomp

And I will cuddle up to grandmamma

And talk to God, auntie and myself

I will sing my favorite Yolanda Adams song and

And I will sing it loud and cry some more

I will go to self-help groups

Listen to more sermons

Take long walks while singing praises

And think

And cry and laugh

And dance

And squeeze lemons

And I will not hate him

Or her

But in the end

I will thank them

While serving lemonade

In celebration glasses

Tombstones in my Mattress – Poetry W/Audio

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/TOMBSTONE IN MY MATTRESS-on-monday-1

I’ve got Tombstones in my Mattress  

Waiting for the next certain death

To join this grave site of men and women I have not yet met

I deem it over before it begins

And I mourn these relationships

Over

And over again

I got Tombstones in my Mattress

And I practice pretending they aren’t there

Potholes and traps for all who enter these tomb filled snares

I got ash cans and grey post

That line the belly of this seam

I got construction going on

In the trinkets of my dreams

In the pit of my Mattress

I call it the dead zone

There building a fortress

And fences

Calling it their home

And they aint even paying rent

I evicted two tenants

And  could care less where they went

I’ve got Tombstones in my Mattress

And I’m prepared to burn this dwelling place

Can’t sleep at night

Without these men staring me in my face

These tombstones have been constructed for over twenty long years

And there comfortable in my bed

Playing spade and swallowing down imported beers

I’m not sad

Depressed

Or angry

I just want these men gone

They’ve been sleeping in my bed with me for twenty years too long

I got diamonds hidden in these dirt filled tombs

Being smothered by dandelions and oversized poisoned mushrooms

My bed has become crowded

And the only person I’m angry at is me

Because I have allowed these men to literally enslave me

I’ve got souls that I desperately need to set free

I keep these memories alive and I hate the reflection I see

I got construction workers knocking walls down building rooms to be filled

While I’m shoveling dirt working hard to empty this dirt filled mill

Gatekeepers come from nowhere, hired in this dark ground of doom

I’ve invited men in to fill these empty tombs

I cannot stand being cramped up in my own bed

I demised a portal

For people who have long time been dead

They have decomposed

Honestly some of them I don’t even know

It’s God awful that their locked in this trench

I’m not sure how much longer I can tolerate this awful stench

Every tombstone has a different face

And a different name

But they’re not much different at all

Really their all the same

I got all these people living in my bed

And it’s deep

It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten a good night’s sleep

I am on the brink of something really big

Tonight, these men are getting the hell up out my bed

I want to be rid of this affliction

So tonight, I’m sure I’ll be handing out some evictions

THE WAY THEY WERE (POETRY W/ AUDIO)

I heard the desperation

In a voice that had been dry

Because he was denied

And it was her flesh that cried

He wanted her to see

The man he so desperately needed to be

A chain reaction

Turned into

A fraction

Multiplied

By love

 

But three doesn’t equal two

 

And chances are

Things will never be the same

Can she ever really change?

It’s his heart that’s been stained  

By her

And her

And her

And her

He just wishes

Things

Could

Go back

To

The way

They were

Insomnia – Poetry W/Audio

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/INSOMNIA -poetry

Finger tips and microchips dissect my random thoughts

While movies play obsessively of all that daddy taught

I’m here once a week tryn’a get the bugs out my head

But the only thing this quack does is prescribe another fuckin’ med

Bugaboos and daja vu’s taunt my twisted brain

Perplexing me and vexing me

Rip me out these fuckin’ chains

I shift my body loosely tryn’a pull back on the reins

But these voices keep on whispering

VOICES: You’re weird stupid and insane

Fully engulfed in this cryptic game

I can’t escape these awful memories

So  I try and write away the pain 

I lay there blamelessly

As he dissects my twisted mind

ME: Yea I know

As he looks ahead and says

DOCTOR: Were out of fuckin’ time

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

ME: Yea I know

DOCTOR: Were out of fuckin’ time

DANCE WITH ME (POETRY W/AUDIO)

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/dance-with-me-poetry

Dance with me in the wind

So I can never think of him

EVER AGAIN

Pardon me of my sins

So I can never hurt myself again

Heal my heart

So I can love again

GOODBYE HEROINE 2 (Poetry W/AUDIO)

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/goodbye-heroin

Goodbye Heroin II

I can’t stop loving him no matter how hard I try.

I will probably hate him until the day I die.

I often ask myself the question why?

He has never been good to me always treated me bad.

Left me ugly alone and feeling sad.

By the way, he’s such a tease.

Cant’ fall asleep without awakening with a cough or constant sneeze.

There’s those days when he’s missing and I need a shoulder to cry.

He was always there but our relationship was one big lie.

I left him once but I felt like I would just die.

I crawled back on my knees.

And he accepted me back without hesitation, he was pleased.

When I left him, I refused him because he killed a friend.

Now I understand why she loved him until the end.

When she was hurting he was the only one to whom she thought she could depend.

I used him and immediately the pain went away.

I remember we began to hang out every day.

I missed him so much because he was always there.

Almost like a game but he wasn’t playing fair.

It took too long to realize he never cared.

I feel like such a traitor, I told her I’d say no.

I saw him one day and we both went toe to toe.

I wasn’t really feeling that good about me.

He whispered try me you’ll feel better I promise you’ll see.

I read one day about the way he met her.

She expressed how good he felt one day in a love letter.

I was scared and for days and days I hid.

But he knew everything even where I lived.

So I fell in love and gave him all I had to give.

It was like I was in a movie no way for a girl to live.

At first I was jealous of their relationship, because I didn’t know.

That eventually all these horrific events would occur.

You the devil…

Yeah, you in disguise.

I bet you never thought we’d break these ties.

How stupid could I be?

I thought he was my friend.

This is my life I’m taking back.

I’ll never let you win.

Devil, you don’t know the strength behind this pen.

That’s why I wrote this poem for everyone to know.

I’m exposing you heroin so take your tricks and go.

FREE ME! (POETRY W/ AUDIO)

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/free-me 

TAINTED BY THE BEAUTY OF THE AMARICAN FLAG  

A WARPED VISION

ITS DISGUISE

A RED, WHITE AND BLUE RAG

DEEP IN THE BYOU’S WERE THE BABIES MY GRANDMOMMA HAD

WHILE GRANDPOPPA LOOKED ON ANGRY, POWERLESS AND MAD

LAND OF THE FREE

YOU CANT FOOL ME

THIS RAG IS TAINTED WITH HYPOCRISY

RIVERS STILL TORTURED, DAMS STILL RED

AND SHE USE THAT SAME COLOR TO REPRESENT OUR FUTURE THAT’S STILL DEAD

CENTURIES

OLD HAG!!!!

I AINT GOT NO LOVE FOR THIS CLOTHE

SO F*** THE AMERICAN FLAG!

Please don’t come for me in the comments, it’s called creative freedom ❤