Lineage (Poetry W/Audio)

mentalnotes1

I can’t find my shoestring to my left boot because I unlaced it to shoot up
High on this fentanyl shit
Can’t take it
Enough is enough
My veins are confused
These streets are too ruff
I keep hitting that same vein crying
Dying
Trying hard not to give up
Sick ’cause my friend overdosed
Tryna’ find what she had
Drooling
Hard
Saliva
Getting high with my dad
Can’t stomach this life but which way do I go
I’m already six feet under
Chasing this dragon far reaching
Plateau
I know these streets are cursed
I’m well versed
I’ve planned out my funeral I have it rehearsed
I’ve been living in this nightmare
A sick fantasy
Reversed
Get well or die trying
Can’t stand feeling this hurt
First things first
Gotta find me a bathroom to get this blood out my shirt
I cry because I want out
I cry…

View original post 108 more words

Winter stayed and every beat in my heart was hollowed and delayed ❤

mentalnotes1

Fire stones rip through my daydreams

Strong holds

Schemes and tactics

Screams

My name

And life never seemed the same

Winter brought pain froze still up against this game

It was an evil twist

Loving you beyond the bliss was a wicked kiss

That blamed him, her and daddy

For all of this

My heart missed every season

I thought it was you that gave life meaning and reason

But winter stayed

And each beat in my heart was hollow and delayed

Bottomless floors

And empty doors

Were prolonged

For way too long

Until winter

And snow flakes

Froze still

Upon my lips

Where a thousand rips

That brought lessons

To this season

 

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THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE,,, (POETRY W/AUDIO)

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/the-LANGUAGE-oF-love-poetry

I lay and I think.

Love can happen in one simple wink.

And has many times before.

Love is something we have all explored.

Chances we take.

That either makes or breaks our opinion of love.

Fields of emotions.

Like a rose that we chose.

A risk we take, it’s a big deal because it’s our hearts that’s at stake.

Love is like a fire, arsenal of desire, a whirlpool of devotion, and weird subliminal notions.

Bottled up it’s the heart’s magical potion.

Love can be good; love can be bad, love can be happy, love can be sad.

It’s all up to you.

Just as cool as the wind or as painful as a pin poking at your gut.

We’re so easily caught up in love’s clutch.

Or as beautiful as the symphony or diamonds from Tiffany’s.

Love can be sweet as candy or… fine and dandy.

Or as spectacular as fire works with quarks and perks.

Depends on me and how far my love is willing to see.

My love sees rainbows and daffodils like a roller coaster with thrills and exciting twists.

Or that first passionate kiss.

Have you ever listened and heard like a baby’s first words.

It rained yesterday and guess what I saw?

I saw tear drops constantly fall.

I love the sound of rain.

Love should not mean pain.

I used to think love could meet me on the moon and never would be too soon.

Iyanla Vanzant says nurture love and give it every chance you can.

I choose to vent love through my pen and hope this time love will win.

Love has been a symphony of dreams and I have always been on the losing team.

Love can be a fire hard to tame.

Or fall in love and not even know their name.

Love has no faces and doesn’t discriminate between races.

Love can be paint on a canvas.

Splashes of love.

Overwhelming hugs.

That runs through your veins like drugs.

Love is lily’s and quiet little walks in south Philly or silly little looks.

That’s the language of love.

When I think of love I think of hearts being colored in red or children being told stories before they go to bed.

When I think of love I think of pastures filled with butterflies or teachers teaching children how to make tie-dye.

When I think of love I think of how excited my grandma was when she brought my first bra.

When I think of love I think of leaves changing colors in the fall and couples holding hands while shopping in the mall.

When I think of love I think of angels being sent down to lend a hand or birds playing footsies in the sand.

Love will be here when were dead and gone love has been here all along.

Love is something money can’t buy.

Love has many questions…

But no answers.

So don’t ask love… why ?

Use the universe as your source.

Allowing love to take its course.

Thank you, Genuine Love

Sinister (Audio Poetry)

Puppet Painting | Abstract art inspiration, Painting, Abstract art painting

Wires Hang me from lines

Feeling my dysfunction

Misused like concubines
***

Movement sublimes and gesture persuade this tri-polar mind
While

A thesaurus of recordings memoirs and movies wait cynically for the right time
***
They all submit to my personalities
SHHHHHHHH
Whispers: They’re listening
Systematically
***
Waiting for the right time

Always skilled at entering occupied areas

In spite of danger signs
***

!PARANOID!
***

And church can’t sooth me
***

Secret missions scythe my mind and carve 666 in a pattern down my spine

Behind enemy lines

Camouflaged into the walls

Something dragged me aimlessly down haunted halls

Where faces plague me
Past images degrade me

And force me to repeatedly listen to Blue October

Hate me
***

My emotions betray me
Then my thoughts berate me
I go adrift and they sedate me
My instinct violate me
And sensations date rape me
***

Till I wonder to nowhere

And everywhere

And become wonder woman

Doing 100 on 71 South

Demons position curse word to my mouth
***

I live in this hell
This hell!

Critically tryna’ blink myself into a southern bell
***

God made me ugly so He could love me

And you can hate me

I despise ever being born

I’m constantly
And consistently

Begging God

To please relieve me of this thorn

Image result for abortion artwork

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/remembering#share

As I sat on the edge of my bed praying for redemption 

I felt the knot in my gut spring up in my soul

My body went cold and the memories took control

And I asked God for forgiveness because only he knew what I did

And the people who did it…

I got rid of that thing because I knew it was his

And I hated him

The thing was a monster

I wanted it gone

I wanted it dead

But still so much a part of me

I did not want the world to see

What this man planted in me

I laid still frozen on my back

While I heard the chants from the windows

From murmurs priest and Catholic’s

Screaming

MURDERER!

As one single tear drop fell from my eye

And collided pass my ear and slid down my neck

And froze itself right there

Tickling my neck

But this was not funny

And I dare not even crack a smile

I laid frozen on my back as the chants got louder

I refuse to cry because that would have been an admission of

Of…

Of…

Of something I dare not admit with this tongue

The thing was a monster

I wanted it gone

I wanted it dead

But still so much a part of me

This thing that lived inside of me

Was haunting me

And I heard him whisper

You are beautiful, as he brushed my hair to the side

Every night at 3 o clock in the morning

And I was mourning for my innocents

That I lost a long time ago

Now I live with this thing

This thing

This monstrous thing!

I just knew I’d be free…

As I laid there flat on my back

Spread eagle

Waiting for this thing to exit my womb

I wanted to bury it,,,

Tie a chain to it

And throw it in the sea

OF THE FORGOTTEN

AND THE FORGIVEN

So it can never again resurface

I was praying to have not

One

Single

Memory

Of this event

But here

I lay

20 Years Later

Still

Flat on my back

REMEMBERING…

THANK YOU FOR THE INSPIRATION http://shackledandcrowned.wordpress.com/2013/04/12/friendship/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNoiZAFNYn4

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/a-thousand-miles-of-highway

Trójkowy Ekspres - David Bowie & Iman by Bruce Weber, 1995. | Facebook

We were like a thousand miles of highway

With never ending transitions

A tunnel

A pathway

To everywhere

I know we’ve been in la-la land

Somewhere far away on our journey to love

Random tokens of affection straddle my shoulder

And trickle down my spine

And I know he sees my silhouette dancing slowly for the moon

And yesterday he made love to me from across the room

And it was beautiful

Like all the times before

And it was nothing fancy but so much more

We were like a thousand miles of highway

Riding somewhere pass the end of the earth

Falling

We were…

We were…

We were falling in love

We played footsies from across the room

And he smelled me

Because I was his perfume

And no amount of turmoil could penetrate our portal

We were only mere mortals

But we were in love

When he touched me I felt his protection

This was not about sex

But so much more

We were exempt from

Economics

Social acceptability

Or prejudice

He was my white

And I was his black

And there were no “Grey Areas”

We were in a magic place

We were…

On a thousand miles of highway

Lineage – Poetry

I can’t find my shoestring to my left boot ’cause I unlaced it to shoot up
High on this fentanyl shit
Can’t take it
Enough is enough
My veins are confused
These streets are too ruff
***
I keep hitting that same vein crying
Dying
Trying hard not to give up
Sick ’cause my friend overdosed
Denial is safe tells my brain to shut up
***
Tryna’ find what she had
Drooling
Hard
Saliva
Getting high with my dad
***
Can’t stomach this life but which way do I go
I’m already six feet under
Chasing this dragon far reaching
Plateau
***
I know these streets are cursed
I’m well versed
I’ve planned my funeral I have it rehearsed
I’ve been living in this nightmare
A sick fantasy
Reversed
Get well or die trying
Can’t stand feeling this hurt
***
First things first
Gotta’ find me a bathroom to get this blood out my shirt
***
I cry because I want out
I cry because I have to get well
I fantasize about being a little girl again
Playing hide and seek and riding porcelain carousels
***
Every day gotta find me a way
Gotta find somebody
Somebody help me get well today
***
Daddy sister aunty and uncle were junkies
Granny was too
I shot dope in the bathroom everyday during school
Fourteen years old
Daddy shot me up first
Two days later daddy was dead
O.D’ed while at work
***
I stay high because daddy sister and uncle are gone
Granny too
Its been thirty years
Acute
And I’m still looking for my shoe string I took out of my left boot

HE CALLED ME HER (POETRY W/ AUDIO)

Her name flew from his mouth and dangled in the air

She lives in his heart and will always be there

Her name was inches from his lips

The same ones I just kissed

And I’d be fooling myself

If I said he wouldn’t be missed

I looked in his face

And I could see this was no cold case

‘Cause he still loved her

My emotions will have me twisted somewhere beyond belief

And have me so out of touch I’ll be hard to reach

Her name

Her name drifted past my cheek

And stood its position for weeks

And I knew she was there

And he knew I knew

I was drowning in a snap shot

And deserving of every emotion I got

Because I knew he was broken

And he knew I knew

Tonight

Head on 

Crash

Drinking from a half empty glass

And all I could hear was her name

And he and I would never be the same

I try to smile

Going about my day

But my mind is miles

And miles

And miles away

Because I loved him

He called me her name and I froze

I could tell by her name she was who he chose

He is not mine

Please God free me from my insanity

‘Cause all the pieces are with her

That day is a blurr

But what I will never forget

Is that he called me her

I could not pretend

And I dare not give him a chance to do it again

See

Because

He

Is

Not

Mine

My Dr. told me I had a nervous bleeding in my brain

The judge told me I was criminally insane

I knew some of my crazy was from the cocaine

See I’ve had my lover tied up in the basement for, only God knows when

I looked at him and said…

YOU WILL STAY WITH ME AND YOU’LL STAY UNTIL THE VERY END

How Fiction Taught Me To Be a Good Person – BookNotes and FootMarks

Crying clowns and morbid sounds

Crows above

And blood filled tubs 

Mask and cutting glass

Black moons and poison mushrooms

Empty rooms filled with witches brooms

A jackals tale seeing acid trails

A dirty deed planted with demonic seeds

A haunted trust with piercing thrusts

Gagged with rags and gasoline bags

Heart melting eyes singing cryptic lullabies

Tormented mimes with twisted spines

Sickening rhymes with catholic chimes

A fantasy reversed with a witches curse

A dog moon with hidden rooms

A serpent’s tail stuffed with human cells

A joker’s laugh after its evil craft

A rotten kiss with blood filled lips

An evil moon staring at us from the basements tomb

I bound his mouth with tape

I looked around him things starting to take shape

Shift shaper and hate makers whisper in my ear

I stopped taking my meds and things don’t seem real clear

I rub my eyes trying hard to stay awake

My body trembled and my hands began to shake

My Dr. told me I had a nervous bleeding in my brain

The judge told me I was criminally insane

I knew some of my crazy was from the cocaine

See I’ve had my lover tied up in the basement for, only God knows when

I looked at him and said…

YOU WILL STAY WITH ME AND YOU’LL STAY UNTIL THE VERY END 

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