I Waited for November (dVerse) Audio

Painting by Edward William Cooke, Venice, A November Evening in the Lagoon (1859)

I waited

She said this was the safest place

It was 1800 hours and I felt the sadness engulf me

As I looked on past the sunset

Blank with guilt

I waited

And I waited

And I waited for her

Days came

And they went

The sun shifted

And it bent

I talked to the gods

Bowed my head hopeful this would be rectified if I repent

But the water

Froze still

And the quiet consumed me

And I knew

She was gone

But 

I waited

The floors creaked and the halls reeked of many things

And this house knew just what hell this dark could really bring

Drunken silhouettes lined the walls staring blameless straight ahead

Mouthing bad words backwards of everything this house has said

Toy clowns make sounds that only this house could hear

The little girl who lived inside knew

But the others were unaware

Because her eyes saw thing they didn’t

Then the image would disappear

Mom, dad and little girl walked quietly down the halls

Shadows stared pointing fingers

From behind these haunted walls

The air is cold

The wind is strong

Inside this haunted house

The little girl heard every word

But to the visitors

This house stood quiet as a mouse

Mummified tombs

And vacant rooms

Consumed this haunted house

The stench became stronger

Straight from its haunted mouth

And when she tried to warn others that things were not all clear

They looked at her

Patted her head

And brushed her off as weird

The things the walls would tell her

They often cried out loud

She covered her ears

Shook her head real hard

The words were not for a child

I knew the house was black

But the visitors would say…

What a pretty color blue

I looked at them with tainted thoughts

And just pretended everyone else knew

The things this house would tell me

So shaken by its pain

As I got older…

I started to believe everyone but me was sane

I looked at visitors with squinted eyes

Paranoid by their smiles

I made mental notes of each visitor

And planted them in my haunted files

Their evil grins confused me

Like actors, I watched them take their place

While some blended with the walls

It was hard to hide their face

I told this house to leave me

And stop talking in my ear

No matter how hard I tried

The walls I could still hear

We moved and I was so happy

But the wall where still the same

The haunted house had followed me

And I was unprepared for these fucking games

I met the next door neighbor

A boy about my age

I seen the faces peer at me

Beyond his twisted rage

He had something trapped

He held it close

He kept it in a cage

I knew I had to be dreaming

Please turn this FuCking page!!

I asked him what it was

He said his haunted house

But there was nothing in that cage

But just a simple mouse

I couldn’t make him see

What he believed was really their

I looked at him

Shook my head

And brushed him off as weird

We look from different lenses

And it’s hard to find the truth

After meeting this boy

I knew it was time

To do some construction on this haunted roof

It’s frightening to believe that…

I was my haunted house

I silenced the walls

They cannot speak

I WROTE away their mouth

The sun could not penetrate these dark and hollow walls

I try not to answer even when the voices call

Now, the cries are still here

But muffled and not so clear

A lot of the things the house said to me

Was really hard to fucking hear

The meds help tame the thoughts

And the voices from the walls

The house is not that scary

But really very small

The walls are really angry

I suppose because I am FREE

I now know

That this haunted house

All along was really ME

 

FREE ME (POETRY W/ AUDIO)

Creative freedom ❤

mentalnotes1

FREE ME!!!

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/free-me 

TAINTED BY THE BEAUTY OF THE AMARICAN FLAG 

A WARPED VISION

ITS DISGUISE

A RED, WHITE AND BLUE RAG

DEEP IN THE BYOU’S WERE…

THE BABIES MY GRANDMOMMA HAD

WHILE GRANDPOPPA LOOKED ON ANGRY, POWERLESS AND MAD

LAND OF THE FREE

YOU CANT FOOL ME

THIS RAG IS TAINTED WITH HYPOCRISY

RIVERS STILL TORTURED, DAMS STILL RED

AND SHE USE THAT SAME COLOR TO REPRESENT OUR FUTURE THAT’S STILL DEAD

CENTURIES

OLD HAG!!!!

I AINT GOT NO LOVE FOR THIS CLOTHE

SO F*** THE AMERICAN FLAG!

Please don’t come for me in the comments, it’s called creative freedom ❤

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Breathe (Poetry W/Audio)

I died
Until the fever broke
Weakened the noise
The air still sobbing
Until breathing became difficult
My fish died but I’m still alive
Surely the moon knows my name

Lineage (Poetry W/Audio)



mentalnotes1

I can’t find my shoestring to my left boot because I unlaced it to shoot up
High on this fentanyl shit
Can’t take it
Enough is enough
My veins are confused
These streets are too ruff
I keep hitting that same vein crying
Dying
Trying hard not to give up
Sick ’cause my friend overdosed
Tryna’ find what she had
Drooling
Hard
Saliva
Getting high with my dad
Can’t stomach this life but which way do I go
I’m already six feet under
Chasing this dragon far reaching
Plateau
I know these streets are cursed
I’m well versed
I’ve planned out my funeral I have it rehearsed
I’ve been living in this nightmare
A sick fantasy
Reversed
Get well or die trying
Can’t stand feeling this hurt
First things first
Gotta find me a bathroom to get this blood out my shirt
I cry because I want out
I cry…

View original post 108 more words

Winter stayed and every beat in my heart was hollowed and delayed ❤

mentalnotes1

Fire stones rip through my daydreams

Strong holds

Schemes and tactics

Screams

My name

And life never seemed the same

Winter brought pain froze still up against this game

It was an evil twist

Loving you beyond the bliss was a wicked kiss

That blamed him, her and daddy

For all of this

My heart missed every season

I thought it was you that gave life meaning and reason

But winter stayed

And each beat in my heart was hollow and delayed

Bottomless floors

And empty doors

Were prolonged

For way too long

Until winter

And snow flakes

Froze still

Upon my lips

Where a thousand rips

That brought lessons

To this season

 

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THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE,,, (POETRY W/AUDIO)

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/the-LANGUAGE-oF-love-poetry

I lay and I think.

Love can happen in one simple wink.

And has many times before.

Love is something we have all explored.

Chances we take.

That either makes or breaks our opinion of love.

Fields of emotions.

Like a rose that we chose.

A risk we take, it’s a big deal because it’s our hearts that’s at stake.

Love is like a fire, arsenal of desire, a whirlpool of devotion, and weird subliminal notions.

Bottled up it’s the heart’s magical potion.

Love can be good; love can be bad, love can be happy, love can be sad.

It’s all up to you.

Just as cool as the wind or as painful as a pin poking at your gut.

We’re so easily caught up in love’s clutch.

Or as beautiful as the symphony or diamonds from Tiffany’s.

Love can be sweet as candy or… fine and dandy.

Or as spectacular as fire works with quarks and perks.

Depends on me and how far my love is willing to see.

My love sees rainbows and daffodils like a roller coaster with thrills and exciting twists.

Or that first passionate kiss.

Have you ever listened and heard like a baby’s first words.

It rained yesterday and guess what I saw?

I saw tear drops constantly fall.

I love the sound of rain.

Love should not mean pain.

I used to think love could meet me on the moon and never would be too soon.

Iyanla Vanzant says nurture love and give it every chance you can.

I choose to vent love through my pen and hope this time love will win.

Love has been a symphony of dreams and I have always been on the losing team.

Love can be a fire hard to tame.

Or fall in love and not even know their name.

Love has no faces and doesn’t discriminate between races.

Love can be paint on a canvas.

Splashes of love.

Overwhelming hugs.

That runs through your veins like drugs.

Love is lily’s and quiet little walks in south Philly or silly little looks.

That’s the language of love.

When I think of love I think of hearts being colored in red or children being told stories before they go to bed.

When I think of love I think of pastures filled with butterflies or teachers teaching children how to make tie-dye.

When I think of love I think of how excited my grandma was when she brought my first bra.

When I think of love I think of leaves changing colors in the fall and couples holding hands while shopping in the mall.

When I think of love I think of angels being sent down to lend a hand or birds playing footsies in the sand.

Love will be here when were dead and gone love has been here all along.

Love is something money can’t buy.

Love has many questions…

But no answers.

So don’t ask love… why ?

Use the universe as your source.

Allowing love to take its course.

Thank you, Genuine Love

Sinister (Audio Poetry)

Puppet Painting | Abstract art inspiration, Painting, Abstract art painting

Wires Hang me from lines

Feeling my dysfunction

Misused like concubines

Movement, sublime and gesture persuade this tri-polar mind

A thesaurus of recordings, memories and movies submit to my personalities

And there all listening

Waiting for the right time

Always skilled at entering unoccupied areas

In spite of danger signs

Paranoid

And church can’t sooth me…

Secret missions scythe my mind and carve 666 in a pattern down my spine

Behind enemy lines

Camouflaged into the walls

Something dragged me aimlessly down haunted halls

Where faces plague me past  images degrade me

And forces me to repeatedly listen to Blue October

Hate me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDxgSvJINlU

My emotions betray me then my thoughts berate me

I go adrift and they sedate me my instinct violates me and sensations date rape me

Till I wonder to nowhere

And everywhere

And become wonder woman

Doing 100 on 71 South

Demons position curse word to my mouth

My personalities ask me

Which way to go

Heaven or hell?

Critically Tryna’ blink myself into a southern bell

God made me ugly so He could love me

And you can hate me

I despise ever being born

I’m constantly begging God

To please relieve me of this thorn

Image result for abortion artwork

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/remembering#share

As I sat on the edge of my bed praying for redemption

I felt the knot in my gut spring up in my soul

My body went cold and the memories took control

And I asked God for forgiveness because only he knew what I did

And the people who did it…

I got rid of that thing because I knew it was his

And I hated him

The thing was a monster

I wanted it gone

I wanted it dead

But still so much a part of me

I did not want the world to see

What this man planted in me

I laid still frozen on my back

While I heard the chants from the windows

From murmurs priest and Catholic’s

Screaming

MURDERER!

As one single tear drop fell from my eye

And collided pass my ear and slid down my neck

And froze itself right there

Tickling my neck

But this was not funny

And I dare not even crack a smile

I laid frozen on my back as the chants got louder

I refuse to cry because that would have been an admission of

Of…

Of…

Of something I dare not admit with this tongue

The thing was a monster

I wanted it gone

I wanted it dead

But still so much a part of me

This thing that lived inside of me

Was haunting me

And I heard him whisper

You are beautiful, as he brushed my hair to the side

Every night at 3 o clock in the morning

And I was mourning for my innocents

That I lost a long time ago

Now I live with this thing

This thing

This monstrous thing!

I just knew I’d be free…

As I laid there flat on my back

Spread eagle

Waiting for this thing to exit my womb

I wanted to bury it,,,

Tie a chain to it

And throw it in the sea

OF THE FORGOTTEN

AND THE FORGIVEN

So it can never again resurface

I was praying to have not

One

Single

Memory

Of this event

But here

I lay

20 Years Later

Still

Flat on my back

REMEMBERING…

THANK YOU FOR THE INSPIRATION http://shackledandcrowned.wordpress.com/2013/04/12/friendship/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNoiZAFNYn4

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/a-thousand-miles-of-highway

Trójkowy Ekspres - David Bowie & Iman by Bruce Weber, 1995. | Facebook

We were like a thousand miles of highway

With never ending transitions

A tunnel

A pathway

To everywhere

I know we’ve been in la-la land

Somewhere far away on our journey to love

Random tokens of affection straddle my shoulder

And trickle down my spine

And I know he sees my silhouette dancing slowly for the moon

And yesterday he made love to me from across the room

And it was beautiful

Like all the times before

And it was nothing fancy but so much more

We were like a thousand miles of highway

Riding somewhere pass the end of the earth

Falling

We were…

We were…

We were falling in love

We played footsies from across the room

And he smelled me

Because I was his perfume

And no amount of turmoil could penetrate our portal

We were only mere mortals

But we were in love

When he touched me I felt his protection

This was not about sex

But so much more

We were exempt from

Economics

Social acceptability

Or prejudice

He was my white

And I was his black

And there were no “Grey Areas”

We were in a magic place

We were…

On a thousand miles of highway

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