Death

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mentalnotes1

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I have gone for miles trying to catch your breathe
Lost left me
Lay death upon my chest
Trying to catch the demon that rolls rust
Timely
Unrest
And a phantoms tale swags
and it drags
and it drags
my face sags
And it sags and I’m sad
Because death waits for me

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When after a week
He is grunting
Startled at the suck
Of my body
At the impossible of his luck
He won’t know
How easily we arrived here
Playing beats in the half light
Won’t know that I have washed these sheets today
And I will again tonight
Won’t know that I ruin love
With the melody of men
Slipping into the soft hunger of my dreams

Won’t know that I can make storms
And quiet them

With just a breath

mentalnotes1

When after a week
He is grunting
Startled at the suck
Of my body
At the impossible of his luck
He won’t know
How easily we arrived here
Playing beats in the half light
Won’t know that I have washed these sheets today
And I will again tonight
Won’t know that I ruin love
With the melody of men
Slipping into the soft hunger of my dreams

Won’t know that I can make storms
And quiet them

With just a breath

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Case Study #1 ~ Therapy

Security did escort me out of my therapist office, well 4 of my previous therapist anyway but who’s counting

This was my 9th visit to doctor Hommer Crumb

Hommer Crumb

Hommer Crumb

Hommer Crumb

His name doesn’t scream come talk to me

For some reason I’m always paired with a man

They can’t be trusted around a big ass and titties

We talked about everything and nothing at all

I covered my breast really well, the eagle hoodie I wore to every visit was intentional

Frankly I was bored

Therapy doesn’t work for me

I’m convinced my brain is broken and doctors have planted something sinister in my head when I had my tonsils removed when I was 11

Yea, I was 11, maybe 10

That’s when it happen

The thing

The something

It

The incident

Occurrence

The situation

Episode

It was an event

The dirty deed, landmark 

The happening

The ugly  

I just pretend it was a dream 

Something ugly has happened again

Just my fuckin’ luck

I know its altered the thing the doctors planted in my brain when I got my tonsils removed when I was 10 or 11, I may have been 9

They put cha’ta’sleep ya know

4 or 5 maybe 6 doctors who I spate curse words at are convinced I need to talk about it

I mean…

If security wouldn’t have escorted me out the building this time again I may have gotten to it

But they never gave me a chance

I hate therapist

I don’t write sweet poems ~ Poetry

Chairs window pains and picture frames hold secrets
~~~
Misunderstood with tradition and verbs
~~~
Rifts creeks crevices and curves obey commands and surgically implant paranoia with bad words
~~~
I can see invisible people watching me hiding in the seams
~~~
While drums beat heavy from the rear of my twisted dreams

~~~

Naturally it’s the thing I wear

~~~

Everything is not always as beautiful as it may appear
~~~
I whisper truth to myself and pretend not to hear

~~~

Till poetry becomes aggressive and lines become smeared
~~~
Time has no expiration date and statute of limitations don’t exsist

~~~

Don’t ever get distracted it’s not always easy to resist

~~~

The thoughts

~~~

And I don’t write sweet poems

Casualties ~ Poetry

Darkness melted into my pain


One eye open to the sun


And my back to the moon


The earth whispers a calm

Graze memory


Casualties roam freely in wounded pastures

~~~

Seeds grow thick

And heavy

~~~


Till tears grew branches


And wrapped themselves


Into open wounds

And breathing

~~~

Became difficult


What the fuck is this !?!? – Poetry 2012

Is it cheating??

mentalnotes1

Wet Rain Night Sad Middleaged Woman Stock Footage Video (100% Royalty-free)  29158540 | Shutterstock

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/audio-recording-on-saturday

I didn’t mean to give myself to another
Or did I

He startled me as I turned around.
I heard that manly sound, that was him

I was caught off guard when he said

What the fuck is this!

I told my husband, it was only a kiss

I stood there in the rain as the gel from my curl set ran down my temple

I love you, I said, and again, he said

What the fuck is this!!

I, I, I, as I stuttered to try and find the words

My mistress stood there pleading with her eyes for me to acknowledge her

She wanted me to say, this is the woman I’ve been seeing every day

But I stood there
Blank

As I watched my husband’s heart sink into the earth with the rain

I wanted to reverse this pain

He said again with much more authority

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Insanity – dVerse

I waited

While I live inside this twisted place

My fish died but I’m still alive

That is unquenchable

And breathing became difficult

Attitude

And green with envy

I’ve been left by the wayside

I smile and I curse

Made time against me

And turned me hungry

You catch me

All along was really ME

Such a painful death

Thru my heart

Where pain will be no more

Mourning was well on its way

You will stay with me and you’ll stay until the very end

Free me from this rag

It was only just a dream

***

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