“2013” (RANDOM THOUGHTS)

REFLECTIONS

1. EVENT

2. AWARNESS

3. DECISION

4. COMMITMENT

5. PROCESS

6. CHANGE

2012 HAS  REALLY BEEN A GREAT YEAR, IN SPITE OF THE STORMS, I AM GRATEFUL! I AM EVEN MORE GRATEFUL THAT I HAVE THE OPPERTUNITY TO MAKE 2013 AN EVEN BETTER YEAR.  THE LESSONS I HAVE LEARNED HAVE BEEN LIFE CHANGING, LIFE  CAN, AND WILL, ONLY GET BETTER FROM HERE.

THANK YOU UNIVERSE (:

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https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/something-beautiful-poetry

My shadow keeps chasing me

Urging me to create

Something Beautiful

An epiphany stiffens me into a dark thought

As I begin to create a Beautiful dialogue

With self

I embrace Serpendipity

And I realize

She was

Something Beautiful

OK, SO I HAVE NOT PERFECTED THIS “SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL” CONCEPT YET. THIS POEM STILL HAS DARK UNDERTONES, EVIDENCE BY THE PICTURE I AM STILL A LITTLE BITTER. 

IT’S PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION PEOPLE (:

THE HEART IS RESILIENT

DARK PLACES “VS” SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL ( RANDOM THOUGHTS)

Well bloggers, as some of you know I have some how shifted my writing from my past life of addiction to something very dark. My book Mental Notes http://www.amazon.com/Mental-Notes-ebook/dp/B005VX0WL8/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1353151329&sr=1-1&keywords=MENTAL+NOTES+BY+LATOYA+HARRIS was published last year and was my liberation. My mission was to expose this dirty disease called addiction and I think I did a great job at that. Then I got my heart broken while learning who I really am. What I mean is God was working on me and I interupted His process and It brought up all sorts of issues from childhood. Things I thought I had burried a long time ago, rejection, abandonment, abuse, fear, fear of what, I dont know. I got my heart broken this year and thus came this little girl I never realized I utilized so much https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/category/avatar-part-1/ I wrote her into my life and even named her My Avatar.

My first dark poem was “You will stay with me till the very end” https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2012/07/24/you-will-stay-with-me-until-the-very-end/ This was the beginning of my heart break and this poem SCARED THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME! I asked myself, self,  WTF IS THIS CRAZY SHIT YOU JUST WROTE,,LOL talking to myself as I sometimes do (: So, I have been stuck on the dark side every sinse and I am desprate to find my way back to Something Beautiful.

This years life lesson has been life changing. I am  still not certain how grateful I am for them  because it was and still is very painful, but boy, oh boy did I get it this time, the lesson. This is my second time having to repeat this lesson, but I finally got it, life is that way.

So bloggers my mission is to write Something Beautiful and I will!

This is a challenge to self, Something Beautiful (:

Happy New Year, I wish you all the best of everything and I mean that!

THE BEST OF EVERYTHING, AND SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL (:

I FELT YOU BREATHING LAST NIGHT (POETRY)

I FELT YOU BREATHING LAST NIGHT

AND YOU WERE A THOUSAND MILES AWAY

YOU WERE NOT IN MY BED

OR IN THE NEXT ROOM

YOU WEREN’T AROUND THE CORNER

OR ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN

YOU WERE A THOUSAND MILES AWAY

BUT YET

AND STILL

I FELT YOU BREATHING LAST NIGHT

INSOMNIA (POETRY W/ AUDIO)

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/INSOMNIA -poetry

Finger tips and microchips dissect my random thoughts

While movies play obsessively of all that daddy taught

I’m here once a week tryn’a get the bugs out my head

But the only thing this quack does is prescribe another fuckin med

Bugaboos and daja vu’s taunt my twisted brain

Perplexing me and vexing me

Take me out these fuckin chains

I shift my body loosely tryn’a pull back on the reins

But these voices keep whispering to me

Saying

VOICES: You know you’re fucking insane

Clouds of shame

Socially stained

Fully engulfed in this cryptic game

I can’t escape these aweful memories

So  I try and write away the pain 

I lay there blamelessly

As he dissects my twisted mind

ME: Yea I know

As he looks ahead and says

DOCTOR: Were out of fucking time

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

Finger tips and microchips dissect my twisted thoughts

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

While tapes play obsessively of all that daddy taught

ME: Yea I know

DOCTOR: Were out of fucking time

ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK

BIPOLAR (RANDOM WARNING)

WARNING…

THE PEACE MAKER MADE ME POST THIS

THE SKITZOFRANTIC 52 YEAR OLD CAUCASION MAN WARNED HER NOT TO

HE BELIEVES THIS SITE IS FOR BELIEVERS, DREAMERS

AND THE HIGHLY MOTIVATED AND THEY ALL WANT HIM DEAD

THERE ARE ABOUT 8 PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY MIND

OF ALL DIFFERENT NATIONALITIES, SIZES, AGES AND GENDER

SCREEMING TO BE HEARD

THEY ARE ALL TRYING TO GET ALONG IN SUCH A SMALL SPACE

NOT ALWAYS EASY

I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE IF YOU READ ANYTHING OFFENSIVE OR CONTROVERSAL

I HAVE VERY LITTLE IF ANY CONTROL OVER ANY OF THEM

O BOY,,,

HOLD ON FOR THE RIDE…..

I AM A SUCKER FOR LOVE AND A SOB STORY, I AM DEFINITELY FOR THE UNDER DOG. I AM A LITTLE WIERD BUT VERY LOVING, I AM PERFECTLY IMPERFECT BUT SHHHH DONT TELL ANYONE (:  I AM ALSO A RECOVERING HERION ADDICT MY CLEAN DATE IS SEPTEMBER 24 2010, ALTHOUGH I DONT LIKE LABELS, I UNDERSTAND I CAN NOT USE DRUGS IN MODERATION UNDER ANY CURCUMSTANCES. I STAY CLEAN NO MATTER HOW BAD OR GOOD I FEEL THATS IT THATS ALL NO COMPROMISE! I WROTE A POETRY BOOK CALLED MENTAL NOTES ABOUT ADDICTION AND ALL THE INSANITY ASSOCIATED WITH IT I HAVE RANDOMLY BEEN POSTING PIECES OF THE BOOK TO MY BLOG. HERE IS THE KINDLE LINK  http://www.amazon.com/Mental-Notes-ebook/dp/B005VX0WL8/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1353151329&sr=1-1&keywords=MENTAL+NOTES+BY+LATOYA+HARRISI AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THE ROAD I AM TRAVELING!

THERE IS WAY TO MUCH I CAN SAY ABOUT ME BUT I WONT BORE U WITH MY WAY TO BORING BIO. WE ALL HAVE ONE COMMON BOND, WE LOVE TO WRITE.

I AM STILL TRYING TO FIGURE ALL THIS OUT (LIFE) IN THE MEAN TIME I WILL DO WHAT THE UNIVERSE HAS CALLED ME TO DO…WRITE

UNTIL WEE MEET AGAIN,,,,LUV YA, LATOYA

FEATURE POET (NTOZAKE SHANGE, “SORRY”)

one thing i don’t need is any more apologies
i got sorry greetin me at my front door
you can keep yrs i don’t know what to do wit em
they dont open doors or bring the sun back
they dont make me happy or get a mornin paper
didnt nobody stop usin my tears to wash cars
cuz a sorry
i am simply tired of collectin
i didnt know  i was so important toyou
i’m gonna haveta throw some away
i cant get to the clothes in my closet for alla the sorries
i’m gonna tack a sign to my door leave a message by the phone
‘if you called to say yr sorry
call somebody else
i dont use em anymore’
i let sorry/
didnt meanta/
& how cd i know abt that
take a walk down a dark & musty street in brooklyn
i’m gonna do exactly what i want to
& i wont be sorry for none of it
letta sorry soothe yr soul/
i’m gonna soothe mine
you were always inconsistent doin somethin & then bein sorry
beatin my heart to death talkin bout you sorry
well i will not call
i’m not goin to be nice
i will raise my voice
& scream
& holler
& break things
& race the engine
& tell all yr secrets bout yrself to yr face
& i will list in detail everyone of my wonderful lovers
& their ways
i will play oliver lake loud
& i wont be sorry for none of it
i loved you on purpose
i was open on purpose
i still crave vulnerability
& close talk
& i’m not even sorry bout you bein sorry
you can carry all the guilt & grime ya wanna just dont give it to me
i cant use another sorry
next time you should admit you’re mean/ low-down/ triflin/
& no count straight out
steada bein sorry alla the time enjoy bein yrself

Under no circumstances should one completely burn their bridges. Might have to cross over em again to get to the next destination.

whatevertheyaint

After all, we are the designated driver of our lives.  Put anyone else in the car seat and there’s no telling where you’ll end up–possibly somewhere you don’t want to be.

But first, we have to be willing to navigate.

Change” isn’t so bad.  It’s the fear of removing one’s self from the familiar, from one’s comfy little habitat,  that can become debilitating.

Ever since I embarked upon a transition, I’ve felt more in tune with my TRUE self.

Fix whatever ain’t working.  In the end, you’ll be glad you did.

Go, go, go, go.  Get moving!

How far can you go?  As far as you want to if you’re willing to try.

I am my only restraint”  Remember that, and don’t hold yourself back.

Just because you’re unsure of what the outcome will be doesn’t mean you can’t step…

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