SAGE DOYLE HAS GONE AND MET ANOTHER ONE OF MY CHALLENGES, AS I KNEW THE JOB WOULD GET DONE (: MY REQUEST WAS TO WRITE IN MY AVATAR https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/category/avatar-part-1/ THERE ARE FOUR PARTS, THIS IS ONLY PART 1. TO A WALL GRIMM JOURNAL http://sagedoyle.wordpress.com/2012/11/29/the-journal-of-wall-grimm-38-grimms-fate-melody/ ROCKED IT! JUST FLIPPIN BRILLIANT!
I SURVIVED! (POETRY REPOST ADDED AUDIO)
http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/i-survived#play
YES I SURVIVED
IM SO GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE!
BECAUSE I’VE ENDURED!
YES I’VE PUSHED ON!
AND YES I’VE SURVIVE!
WHAT SEEMED TO BE SOMETHING THAT WOULD NEVER EVER END!
I’VE LANDED ON MY FEET AND HERE I AM AGAIN!
BEAMING LIKE THE SUN!
SPROUTING LIKE A TREE!
AND EVERY DAY I WAKE UP, GOD WATERS ME!
MY PROCESS JUST STARTED AND I WILL PROBABLY NEVER BE DONE!
BUT EVERY NIGHT I GO TO BED I THANK GOD FOR WHO I’VE BECOME!
IM NOT THAT MASK I PUT ON SOMETIMES FOR THE WORLD TO SEE!
THAT’S JUST SOMETHING I PUT ON TO PROTECT THE LITTLE GIRL IN ME!
AND IT BOTHERS ME WHEN PEOPLE CAN SEE MY VULNERABILITY.
BUT, IM LEARNING!
AND I PUSH ON!
AND NO!
I HAVE NOT ARRIVED!
BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN I TAKE OFF A LAYER AND THAT OLD PART OF ME DIES!
IT’S NOT EASY!
AND IT’S NOT COMFORTABLE!
AND THE PROCESS NEVER ENDS!
GOD WILL SEND YOU SOMEONE ONE DAY YOUR COMFORTABLE CALLING FRIEND!
ONE DAY YOU WAKE UP AND THE FEELING MAY BE REALLY, REALLY WEIRD.
BECAUSE ALL YOUR PAST PAIN HAS COMPLETLEY DISAPEARED.
AND IF NOT TOTALLY.
I PROMISE SOME WOULD HAVE GONE AWAY.
PREPARING YOU FOR SOMEONE YOU’LL SAY THE SAME THINGS TO ONE DAY.
IM SO, SO, SO GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE!
BECAUSE I’VE ENDURED!
YES I’VE PUSHED ON!
AND YES!
I HAVE SURVIED!!!!!
Thank you, Tammy “Pitt Bull” Johnson
FOOTNOTE (ABOUT MY AVATAR)
I am a writer, and the joy of being a writer is having some versatility. I get to write about whatever I want, and hope you, the reader, can find some common ground. “My Avatar” is dark; she is the little girl that lives in me, she is a spoiled, rotten, weird, little brat. She is all my fears and a product of every person who ever hurt me. She is all my resentments I still work so hard to let go of still today. She is a product of every man that ever broke my heart, starting with my father.
She is the product of a mother who was murdered and a father who was never around. “My Avatar” the character is a lot of things, but most of all she is afraid. She is afraid of you and she is afraid of the woman in me that continues to discipline her. “My Avatar” is more than a little dark. I love this project because it challenged me as a writer to write about something different.
When I read books, stories and poetry I often wonder if the people are anything like what or who they write about. Of course we are our characters on some level.
I had to put this footnote in this book. I had some friends who I trust to critique some of my writings ask me if I was alright. That made me smile; an effective writer should impact the reader. I believe I had done that. My hope is it will impact you the same way it did my friends who critiqued my manuscript. Of course I am ok, just me doing what I love to do, write.
WELCOME TO MY PEACEFUL INSANITY
RANDOM THOUGHT
I apologize for any offensive poetry, haikus’ random thoughts, epigrams or comments. I am skilled at reading between the lines, I do it every day with clients I work with. Often times I speak without thinking, it gets me in trouble a lot but believe me I mean no harm. I promise, I’m soft as butter.
I am learning that it is not good to speak so abrasively with people I don’t know (bloggers.) Writers will never admit it but we are sensitive about what we write and I must, must, must be mindful about that because causing harm can come in many forms.
On the flip side, tough skin is important in the world of blogging and you must be open to almost anything. I do try to be respectful as possible without restraining my writing, something I have very little control over. I am sorry about your sensitivity but I cannot apologize for what I write.
Comments are within my control, I can taper those, but my writing has its own personalities. I am skilled at reading between the lines, life experience, some of the best training and education have almost made me an expert at it. I know what it is people don’t say or indirectly say, or say even when they don’t say it. I get paid to read people. I have studied some of the bloggers I follow unconsciously but studying people is what I do. I do it even when I don’t realize I’m doing it. Some personalities stronger than others on WordPress and it has been a great journey and very educational. I am in love with social interaction from a blogger’s perspective.
http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/my-avatar-part-3-poetry#
This twisted kiss
I’m hating this
Exposing all this fckin’ shit
The word play
The comments today
Lead me down a path of twisted no where’s
With shares and likes
But who is it that really sits behind that pc
From my solace carries malice
But you wouldn’t know just by reading me
Never seeing me but looking thru me
From my reality
My Avatar
She waves goodbye to me
Only a morbid sign
Of rotten chimes
Sounds of angels
But the root is mangled
And I will never be granted my wings
Because off all the bad things I’ve seen
As I watch her play on that wicked and rusted swing
Posting this shit for you to read between what’s caught
The twisted thoughts
A fckin’ sadist
Is how I made this
Sick game
For her own personal gain
Re-lived
Innocents
Free me from this dark cloud of razor blades
Anxiety and depression
Living in this lesson
That I tainted with my own haunted files
I only needed her for a little while
Now bats circle my bed
Like a storm brewing over my head
And stewing in suicidal thoughts
Caught in a web
That keeps me isolated
Gabriel keeps trying to get me to journey the map
It’s a silly trap and I remember the road that it traveled for way too long
Singing hate me by Blue October http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddxgsvjinlu
Left
Right
And none are right so I lose sight
Of what’s right with the wrong
And I listen while crying to Blue October’s song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddxgsvjinlu
Hate me
LOST GIRLS (AUDIO POETRY)
http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/lost-girls-poetry#play
REALLY HOPE YOU ENJOY (;
LOVE ME… (DESPERATE HAIKU)
LOVE ME, LOVE ME, PLEASE
I NEED YOU TO PLEASE LOVE ME
PLEASE JUST LOVE ME PLEASE
http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/my-avatar-poetry#play
Why give me this body that imprisons my soul?
I Rome this bruised space hiding from my own disgrace
That spills over in my world
That only knows me as a little girl
But I am a woman!
And I know because I have the scars to prove it
I have tits and ass like an hour glass
And puberty has been years passed
But I am still a little girl
And my avatar wants to leave because I won’t let her breathe
Smothering her with my fears of
Today …
Tomorrow…
And most of all yesterday
But she stays to play anyway
Realistic
Misogynistics
Can’t stand her because
She is protected
By her avatar
https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2012/02/04/my-avatar-short-read-poetry-form-part-2/
https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2012/11/16/my-avatar-poetry-part-3-w-audio/
https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2012/11/20/my-avatar-part-4/
https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/2012/11/20/footnote-my-avatar/
mentalnotes1 