Month: November 2012

 SAGE DOYLE HAS GONE AND MET ANOTHER ONE OF MY CHALLENGES, AS I KNEW THE JOB WOULD GET DONE (: MY REQUEST WAS TO WRITE IN MY AVATAR https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/category/avatar-part-1/ THERE ARE FOUR PARTS, THIS IS ONLY PART 1. TO A WALL GRIMM JOURNAL http://sagedoyle.wordpress.com/2012/11/29/the-journal-of-wall-grimm-38-grimms-fate-melody/ ROCKED IT! JUST FLIPPIN BRILLIANT!

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I SURVIVED! (POETRY REPOST ADDED AUDIO)

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/i-survived#play

YES I SURVIVED

IM SO GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE!

BECAUSE I’VE ENDURED!

YES I’VE PUSHED ON!

AND YES I’VE SURVIVE!

WHAT SEEMED TO BE SOMETHING THAT WOULD NEVER EVER END!

I’VE LANDED ON MY FEET AND HERE I AM AGAIN!

BEAMING LIKE THE SUN!

SPROUTING LIKE A TREE!

AND EVERY DAY I WAKE UP, GOD WATERS ME!

MY PROCESS JUST STARTED AND I WILL PROBABLY NEVER BE DONE!

BUT EVERY NIGHT I GO TO BED I THANK GOD FOR WHO I’VE BECOME!

IM NOT THAT MASK I PUT ON SOMETIMES FOR THE WORLD TO SEE!

THAT’S JUST SOMETHING I PUT ON TO PROTECT THE LITTLE GIRL IN ME!

AND IT BOTHERS ME WHEN PEOPLE CAN SEE MY VULNERABILITY.

BUT, IM LEARNING!

AND I PUSH ON!

AND NO!

I HAVE NOT ARRIVED!

BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN I TAKE OFF A LAYER AND THAT OLD PART OF ME DIES!

IT’S NOT EASY!

AND IT’S NOT COMFORTABLE!

AND THE PROCESS NEVER ENDS!

GOD WILL SEND YOU SOMEONE ONE DAY YOUR COMFORTABLE CALLING FRIEND!

ONE DAY YOU WAKE UP AND THE FEELING MAY BE REALLY, REALLY WEIRD.

BECAUSE ALL YOUR PAST PAIN HAS COMPLETLEY DISAPEARED.

AND IF NOT TOTALLY.

I PROMISE SOME WOULD HAVE GONE AWAY.

PREPARING YOU FOR SOMEONE YOU’LL SAY THE SAME THINGS TO ONE DAY.

IM SO, SO, SO GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE!

BECAUSE I’VE ENDURED!

YES I’VE PUSHED ON!

AND YES!

I HAVE SURVIED!!!!!

                                                                       

Thank you, Tammy “Pitt Bull” Johnson

HE CALLED ME HER (POETRY W/ AUDIO)

Broken Heart Emo

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/he-called-me-her-poetry#play

Her name flew from his mouth and dangled in the air

But she lives in his heart and she will always be their

Her name was inches from his lips

The same ones I just kissed

And I’d be fooling myself

If I said he wouldn’t be missed

I looked in his face

And I could see this was no cold case

Cause he still loved her

My emotions will have me twisted somewhere beyond belief

And have me so out of touch I’ll be hard to reach

Her name

Her name drifted past my cheek

And stood its position for weeks

And I knew she was their

And he knew I knew

I was mopping in a snap shot

And deserving of every emotion I got

Because I knew he was broken

And he knew I knew

Tonight I sat in my class drinking from a half empty glass

And all I could hear was her name

And he and I would never be the same

And I had no one but me to blame

For

My lapse in judgment

My heart is screaming

And bleeding

And needing him

I try to smile

Going about my day

But my mind is miles

And miles

And miles away

Because I love him

He called me her name and I froze

It was her name that told the truth

He is not mines

Please God free me from my insanity

Cause all the pieces are with her

Never in my life had this occurred

That day is a blurr

But what I will never forget

Is that he called me her

I could not pretend

And I dare not give him a chance to do it again

See

Because

He

Is

Not

Mines

FOOTNOTE (ABOUT MY AVATAR)

I am a writer, and the joy of being a writer is having some versatility. I get to write about whatever I want, and hope you, the reader, can find some common ground. “My Avatar” is dark; she is the little girl that lives in me, she is a spoiled, rotten, weird, little brat. She is all my fears and a product of every person who ever hurt me. She is all my resentments I still work so hard to let go of still today. She is a product of every man that ever broke my heart, starting with my father.

She is the product of a mother who was murdered and a father who was never around. “My Avatar” the character is a lot of things, but most of all she is afraid. She is afraid of you and she is afraid of the woman in me that continues to discipline her. “My Avatar” is more than a little dark. I love this project because it challenged me as a writer to write about something different.

When I read books, stories and poetry I often wonder if the people are anything like what or who they write about. Of course we are our characters on some level.

I had to put this footnote in this book. I had some friends who I trust to critique some of my writings ask me if I was alright. That made me smile; an effective writer should impact the reader. I believe I had done that. My hope is it will impact you the same way it did my friends who critiqued my manuscript. Of course I am ok, just me doing what I love to do, write.

WELCOME TO MY PEACEFUL INSANITY

ME SOWWY BLOGGERS,,,(RANDOM THOUGHT)

FIRST LET ME APOLOGIZE IN MY ADULT VOICE, I APOLOGIZE FOR ANY OFFENSIVE POETRY, HAIKUS’ RANDOM THOUGHTS, EPIGRAMS OR “COMMENTS.” I AM SKILLED AT READING BETWEEN THE LINES, I DO IT EVERYDAY WITH CLIENTS I WORK WITH. OFTEN TIMES I SPEAK WITH OUT THINKING, IT GETS ME IN TROUBLE A LOT BUT BELIEVE ME I MEAN NO HARM ): I PROMISE, I’M SOFT AS BUTTER.

I AM LEARNING THAT IT IS NOT GOOD TO SPEAK SO ABRASIVELY WITH PEOPLE I DON’T KNOW (BLOGGERS.) WRITERS WILL NEVER ADMITT IT BUT WE ARE SENSITIVE ABOUT WHAT WE WRITE AND I MUST, MUST, MUST BE MINDFUL ABOUT THAT BECAUSE CAUSING HARM CAN COME IN MANY FORMS.

ON THE FLIP SIDE, TOUGH SKIN IS IMPORTANT IN THE WORLD OF BLOGGING AND YOU MUST BE OPEN TO ALMOST ANYTHING. I DO TRY TO BE RESPECTFUL AS POSSIBLE WITHOUT RESTRAINING MY WRITING, THAT IS SOMETHING I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER. I AM SORRY ABOUT YOUR SENSITIVITY BUT I CAN NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT I WRITE.

COMMENTS ARE WITHIN MY CONTROL, I CAN TAPER THOSE, BUT MY WRITING HAS IT’S OWN PERSONALITIES.

AGAIN, I AM SKILLED AT READING BETWEEN THE LINES, LIFE EXPIRIENCE, SOME OF THE BEST TRAINING AND EDUCATION HAVE ALMOST MADE ME AN EXPERT AT IT. I KNOW WHAT IT IS PEOPLE DON’T SAY OR INDIRECTLY SAY, OR SAY EVEN WHEN THEY DONT SAY IT. I GET PAID TO READ PEOPLE.  I HAVE STUDIED SOME OF THE BLOGGERS I FOLLOW UNCONSCIOUSLY BUT STUDYING PEOPLE IS WHAT I DO. I DO IT EVEN WHEN I DON’T REALIZE I AM DOING IT. SOME PERSONALITIES STRONGER THAN OTHERS ON WORDPRESS AND IT HAS BEEN A GREAT JOURNEY AND VERY EDUCATIONAL. I AM IN LOVE WITH SOCIAL INTERATION FROM A BLOGGERS POINT OF VIEW.

OFFENDED, NO, INTRIGUED, HELL YEA!

MY AVATAR (POETRY PART 3 W/ AUDIO)

         

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/my-avatar-part-3-poetry#

This twisted kiss

I’m hateing this

Exposing all this f****** s***

The word play

The “comments” today

Lead me down a path of twisted no where’s

With share and likes

But who is it that really sits behind that pc

From my solace carries malice

But you wouldn’t know just by reading me

Never seeing me but looking thru me

From my reality

My Avatar

She waves goodbye to me

Only a morbid sign

Of rotten chimes

Sounds of angels

But the root is mangled

And I will never be granted my wings

Because off all the bad things I’ve seen

As I watch her play on that wicked and rusted swing

Posting this s*** for you to read between what’s caught

The twisted thoughts

A f****** sadist

 Is how I made this

Sick game

For her own personal gain

Relived

Innocents

Free me from this dark cloud of razorblades

Anxiety and depression

Living in this lesson

That I tainted with my own haunted files

I only needed her for a little while

Now bats circle my bed

Like a storm brewing over my head

And stewing in suicidal thoughts

Caught in a web

That keeps me isolated

Gabriel keeps trying to get me to journey the map

It’s a silly trap and I remember the road that it traveled for wayyyyy to long

Singing hate me by blue October http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddxgsvjinlu

Left

Right

And none are right so I lose sight

Of what’s right with the wrong

And I listen while crying to blue October song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddxgsvjinlu

Hate me