SAGE DOYLE HAS GONE AND MET ANOTHER ONE OF MY CHALLENGES, AS I KNEW THE JOB WOULD GET DONE (: MY REQUEST WAS TO WRITE IN MY AVATAR https://mentalnotes1.wordpress.com/category/avatar-part-1/ THERE ARE FOUR PARTS, THIS IS ONLY PART 1. TO A WALL GRIMM JOURNAL http://sagedoyle.wordpress.com/2012/11/29/the-journal-of-wall-grimm-38-grimms-fate-melody/ ROCKED IT! JUST FLIPPIN BRILLIANT!
YES I SURVIVED
IM SO GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE!
BECAUSE I’VE ENDURED!
YES I’VE PUSHED ON!
AND YES I’VE SURVIVE!
WHAT SEEMED TO BE SOMETHING THAT WOULD NEVER EVER END!
I’VE LANDED ON MY FEET AND HERE I AM AGAIN!
BEAMING LIKE THE SUN!
SPROUTING LIKE A TREE!
AND EVERY DAY I WAKE UP, GOD WATERS ME!
MY PROCESS JUST STARTED AND I WILL PROBABLY NEVER BE DONE!
BUT EVERY NIGHT I GO TO BED I THANK GOD FOR WHO I’VE BECOME!
IM NOT THAT MASK I PUT ON SOMETIMES FOR THE WORLD TO SEE!
THAT’S JUST SOMETHING I PUT ON TO PROTECT THE LITTLE GIRL IN ME!
AND IT BOTHERS ME WHEN PEOPLE CAN SEE MY VULNERABILITY.
BUT, IM LEARNING!
AND I PUSH ON!
I HAVE NOT ARRIVED!
BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN I TAKE OFF A LAYER AND THAT OLD PART OF ME DIES!
IT’S NOT EASY!
AND IT’S NOT COMFORTABLE!
AND THE PROCESS NEVER ENDS!
GOD WILL SEND YOU SOMEONE ONE DAY YOUR COMFORTABLE CALLING FRIEND!
ONE DAY YOU WAKE UP AND THE FEELING MAY BE REALLY, REALLY WEIRD.
BECAUSE ALL YOUR PAST PAIN HAS COMPLETLEY DISAPEARED.
AND IF NOT TOTALLY.
I PROMISE SOME WOULD HAVE GONE AWAY.
PREPARING YOU FOR SOMEONE YOU’LL SAY THE SAME THINGS TO ONE DAY.
IM SO, SO, SO GRATEFUL TO BE ALIVE!
BECAUSE I’VE ENDURED!
YES I’VE PUSHED ON!
I HAVE SURVIED!!!!!
Thank you, Tammy “Pitt Bull” Johnson
Her name flew from his mouth and dangled in the air
But she lives in his heart and she will always be their
Her name was inches from his lips
The same ones I just kissed
And I’d be fooling myself
If I said he wouldn’t be missed
I looked in his face
And I could see this was no cold case
Cause he still loved her
My emotions will have me twisted somewhere beyond belief
And have me so out of touch I’ll be hard to reach
Her name drifted past my cheek
And stood its position for weeks
And I knew she was their
And he knew I knew
I was mopping in a snap shot
And deserving of every emotion I got
Because I knew he was broken
And he knew I knew
Tonight I sat in my class drinking from a half empty glass
And all I could hear was her name
And he and I would never be the same
And I had no one but me to blame
My lapse in judgment
My heart is screaming
And needing him
I try to smile
Going about my day
But my mind is miles
And miles away
Because I love him
He called me her name and I froze
It was her name that told the truth
He is not mines
Please God free me from my insanity
Cause all the pieces are with her
Never in my life had this occurred
That day is a blurr
But what I will never forget
Is that he called me her
I could not pretend
And I dare not give him a chance to do it again
I am a writer, and the joy of being a writer is having some versatility. I get to write about whatever I want, and hope you, the reader, can find some common ground. “My Avatar” is dark; she is the little girl that lives in me, she is a spoiled, rotten, weird, little brat. She is all my fears and a product of every person who ever hurt me. She is all my resentments I still work so hard to let go of still today. She is a product of every man that ever broke my heart, starting with my father.
She is the product of a mother who was murdered and a father who was never around. “My Avatar” the character is a lot of things, but most of all she is afraid. She is afraid of you and she is afraid of the woman in me that continues to discipline her. “My Avatar” is more than a little dark. I love this project because it challenged me as a writer to write about something different.
When I read books, stories and poetry I often wonder if the people are anything like what or who they write about. Of course we are our characters on some level.
I had to put this footnote in this book. I had some friends who I trust to critique some of my writings ask me if I was alright. That made me smile; an effective writer should impact the reader. I believe I had done that. My hope is it will impact you the same way it did my friends who critiqued my manuscript. Of course I am ok, just me doing what I love to do, write.
WELCOME TO MY PEACEFUL INSANITY
FIRST LET ME APOLOGIZE IN MY ADULT VOICE, I APOLOGIZE FOR ANY OFFENSIVE POETRY, HAIKUS’ RANDOM THOUGHTS, EPIGRAMS OR “COMMENTS.” I AM SKILLED AT READING BETWEEN THE LINES, I DO IT EVERYDAY WITH CLIENTS I WORK WITH. OFTEN TIMES I SPEAK WITH OUT THINKING, IT GETS ME IN TROUBLE A LOT BUT BELIEVE ME I MEAN NO HARM ): I PROMISE, I’M SOFT AS BUTTER.
I AM LEARNING THAT IT IS NOT GOOD TO SPEAK SO ABRASIVELY WITH PEOPLE I DON’T KNOW (BLOGGERS.) WRITERS WILL NEVER ADMITT IT BUT WE ARE SENSITIVE ABOUT WHAT WE WRITE AND I MUST, MUST, MUST BE MINDFUL ABOUT THAT BECAUSE CAUSING HARM CAN COME IN MANY FORMS.
ON THE FLIP SIDE, TOUGH SKIN IS IMPORTANT IN THE WORLD OF BLOGGING AND YOU MUST BE OPEN TO ALMOST ANYTHING. I DO TRY TO BE RESPECTFUL AS POSSIBLE WITHOUT RESTRAINING MY WRITING, THAT IS SOMETHING I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER. I AM SORRY ABOUT YOUR SENSITIVITY BUT I CAN NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT I WRITE.
COMMENTS ARE WITHIN MY CONTROL, I CAN TAPER THOSE, BUT MY WRITING HAS IT’S OWN PERSONALITIES.
AGAIN, I AM SKILLED AT READING BETWEEN THE LINES, LIFE EXPIRIENCE, SOME OF THE BEST TRAINING AND EDUCATION HAVE ALMOST MADE ME AN EXPERT AT IT. I KNOW WHAT IT IS PEOPLE DON’T SAY OR INDIRECTLY SAY, OR SAY EVEN WHEN THEY DONT SAY IT. I GET PAID TO READ PEOPLE. I HAVE STUDIED SOME OF THE BLOGGERS I FOLLOW UNCONSCIOUSLY BUT STUDYING PEOPLE IS WHAT I DO. I DO IT EVEN WHEN I DON’T REALIZE I AM DOING IT. SOME PERSONALITIES STRONGER THAN OTHERS ON WORDPRESS AND IT HAS BEEN A GREAT JOURNEY AND VERY EDUCATIONAL. I AM IN LOVE WITH SOCIAL INTERATION FROM A BLOGGERS POINT OF VIEW.
OFFENDED, NO, INTRIGUED, HELL YEA!
This twisted kiss
I’m hateing this
Exposing all this f****** s***
The word play
The “comments” today
Lead me down a path of twisted no where’s
With share and likes
But who is it that really sits behind that pc
From my solace carries malice
But you wouldn’t know just by reading me
Never seeing me but looking thru me
From my reality
She waves goodbye to me
Only a morbid sign
Of rotten chimes
Sounds of angels
But the root is mangled
And I will never be granted my wings
Because off all the bad things I’ve seen
As I watch her play on that wicked and rusted swing
Posting this s*** for you to read between what’s caught
The twisted thoughts
A f****** sadist
Is how I made this
For her own personal gain
Free me from this dark cloud of razorblades
Anxiety and depression
Living in this lesson
That I tainted with my own haunted files
I only needed her for a little while
Now bats circle my bed
Like a storm brewing over my head
And stewing in suicidal thoughts
Caught in a web
That keeps me isolated
Gabriel keeps trying to get me to journey the map
It’s a silly trap and I remember the road that it traveled for wayyyyy to long
Singing hate me by blue October http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddxgsvjinlu
And none are right so I lose sight
Of what’s right with the wrong
And I listen while crying to blue October song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddxgsvjinlu
REALLY HOPE YOU ENJOY (;
LOVE ME, LOVE ME, PLEASE
I NEED YOU TO PLEASE LOVE ME
PLEASE JUST LOVE ME PLEASE