FEATURE (GAUDENZIA HOUSE PHILOSAPHY)

We are here because there is no refuge

Finally, from ourselves

Until people confront themselves in the eyes and hearts of others

They are running

Until they suffer others to share their secrets

They have no safety from them

Afraid to be known

They can know neither themselves nor any other

They will be alone!
Where else but in our common ground can we find such a mirror

Here, together, people can at last appear clearly to themselves

Not as the giant of their dreams,

Nor the dwarfs of their fears

But as individuals

Part of a whole

With a share in its purpose
In this ground we can each take root and grow

Not alone anymore as in death

But alive to ourselves and to others

GOODBYE HEROINE 2 (EPIGRAM W/AUDIO)

https://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/goodbye-heroin

Goodbye Heroin II

I can’t stop loving him no matter how hard I try.

I will probably hate him until the day I die.

I often ask myself the question why?

He has never been good to me always treated me bad.

Left me ugly alone and feeling sad.

By the way, he’s such a tease.

Cant’ fall asleep without awakening with a cough or constant sneeze.

There’s those days when he’s missing and I need a shoulder to cry.

He was always there but our relationship was one big lie.

I left him once but I felt like I would just die.

I crawled back on my knees.

And he accepted me back without hesitation, he was pleased.

When I left him, I refused him because he killed a friend.

Now I understand why she loved him until the end.

When she was hurting he was the only one to whom she thought she could depend.

I used him and immediately the pain went away.

I remember we began to hang out every day.

I missed him so much because he was always there.

Almost like a game but he wasn’t playing fair.

It took too long to realize he never cared.

I feel like such a traitor, I told her I’d say no.

I saw him one day and we both went toe to toe.

I wasn’t really feeling that good about me.

He whispered try me you’ll feel better I promise you’ll see.

I read one day about the way he met her.

She expressed how good he felt one day in a love letter.

I was scared and for days and days I hid.

But he knew everything even where I lived.

So I fell in love and gave him all I had to give.

It was like I was in a movie no way for a girl to live.

At first I was jealous of their relationship, because I didn’t know.

That eventually all these horrific events would occur.

You the devil…

Yeah, you in disguise.

I bet you never thought we’d break these ties.

How stupid could I be?

I thought he was my friend.

This is my life I’m taking back.

I’ll never let you win.

Devil, you don’t know the strength behind this pen.

That’s why I wrote this poem for everyone to know.

I’m exposing you heroin so take your tricks and go.

Thank you, Heroin.

FOUND (30 DAYS OF HAIKUS)

LOST IN MY OWN WORLD

RECOVERY IS A CHOICE

I AM ARRIVING

METAMORPHASIS ( 30 DAYS OF HAIKUS)

1,2,3,4,5

6,7,8,9,10,11,12

STAY ON THE STEPS

Rebirth (30 days of Haikus #5)

Metamorphosis

I now have butterfly wings (:

I am born again

RESTORATION (30 DAYS OF HAIKUS #3)

I LOST MY BEST FRIEND

SHOT AWAY EVERYONES TRUST

DUSTING MY SELF OFF

LOST GIRLS (INSERT FROM EPIGRAM)

http://soundcloud.com/mentalnotes-1/lost-girls-poetry#play

I kept getting these visions over and over again

She’s probably high, real hard to defend

It was during my worst days that I prayed

I was walking through life’s crazy maze

and in an alley way there my friend laid

This was bad news

I was lost and completely confused

And was living in a world of self-centered fools!

I’ve been asking God to send me a sign

Leave this place, right now’s the time

This is where I’m at

This moment is mine

Should I stay?

Or should I go?

Please someone help me ‘cause I don’t know!

All I know is where I’ve been, near death experiences and 100% sin

I’ll never forget how I let this disease win

When I think of the fire I’ve survived

I often wonder why I’m still alive

God has this major plan and I’m so excited cause I haven’t ran

My friend got killed by some crazy man

But I believe she was part of Gods perfect plan

Some have to die for others to live

And for that reason I promise to give all of me to recovery

I have one chance to make this right

And for that reason I promise to always walk in Gods eye sight

Wanna walk in my shoes?

I don’t think so

These are places no one should ever go

 

 

SISTERS (POETRY)

 I pray before I start

Because these words are coming from the deepest part of my heart

I prayed for her like she prayed for me

That the light one day she’d be willing to see

Over the years she told me some of her deepest fears

And I know it”s ok to cry because these are happy tears

I’ve been on the sidelines rooting for her every day

I knew somehow God would help her to find her way

I know she had to fight the whole way through

I know because I’ve been there

I had to fight too

I’ve been some of the same places she’s been

And it hurt at times that I was unable to be her friend

There was some hurt that I was still trying to mend

My love for my sister is deep and true

But I’m still hurt and I’m still healing too

It really hurt to see addiction drag my sister into that hole

It doesn’t discriminate it takes family friends and  Foes

We should have listened when mamma told us to just say no

But my response was always the same…

Mamma I know

Anyway the hurt is still the same

She must have thought I was joking when I told her this was no game

She saw me struggle

Drugs riddled me to the core

And I am so grateful that God has the power to restore

I remember when she cried

She told me she was tired

She could no longer fight

I looked her in the eyes and said

I need you

And I need you on this night

I pleaded for her to stay just a little while more

But just as fast as she came she was back out the door

She looked towards the ground

Looked at me and said

I will be back when I get

ONE MORE

Her eyes were filled with pain

She didn’t want to be loved

She only wanted more cocaine

I pleaded with her to let me help her

She was my baby sister

I pulled her close and hugged and kissed her

And even in my own addiction

I really, really missed her

What I know is she is walking that same dark path

The disease will get you

And it will get you fast

My baby sister is all alone out there on the streets

I want for her so badly to be free

She is my baby sister and that’s all I am able to see

I’m often reminded that the same God taking care of her

Is the same God that took such good care of me

My sister died of an overdose

God has set her free

And He’s still taking care of her

And watching over me

DIAMONDS AND PEARLS (EPIGRAM)

Today I woke up

I was on top of the world

Last night I fell asleep and dreamt of Diamonds and Pearls

And children with lollypop swirls

Sometimes I don’t want to wake up

But I do

My thoughts always interrupt my sins

Mind over matter always wins

It sounds crazy and things seem hazy

But it’s funny cause…

Last night I dreamt of Diamonds and Pearls and little girls with cute little curls

The world seemed so small

When everyone else seems so tall

Towering over my faith

Small is where I’ve always felt safe

Life’s definition was confusion

Leaving room for the tall to come to their own conclusion

Last night I fell asleep on top of the world and dreamt of Diamonds and Pearls

It’s never amusing to the tall

The tall is clueless to this all

Wondering how the small has nine more lives than them

I was my only friend

One day the tall came to the small and ask

How can you live so foul?

I got angry like the animal I had become and growled

The small proceeded to say

It was one sunny day

I was walking

And I had forgotten to pray

The tall came to me in a rather suspicious way

My husband had just let me free

I was crying and couldn’t see

He started to sing

I will never forget the song

OLIVIA… 

I was young and didn’t know

That in the song…

Olivia was a hoe

He was cute

He asked me why I was crying 

I didn’t respond because emotions where flying

I wanted him to leave

But he stayed and introduced himself as Steve

He was nice

He had a few things

I guess I was enticed

He had on a grey shirt and brown tims

He walked away and asked me to follow him

He told me I could be happy all day

There was one catch he didn’t say

With my life I would have to pay

My heart was heavy that he could see

He asked me to go

And I agreed  

That day I explored

Steve had made me his whore

Days and days went by winters soured

I remember when life was pure

Until one day I met this miracle cure

Steve was gone and my life had become a sadder song

Will the song still be playing when the music stop’s

Will the beat still beat when my heart drop’s

I realized what Steve had done

He was playing games and having fun

Steve had done me in for sure

Off to make some poor girl his whore

Dammit when it rains it pours

Now I’m hanging with robbers and thieves

I was far gone, way pass Steve

Tummy aches

Coughing up blood

And having dry heaves

Now I knew I needed help

I cried out…

JESUS PLEASE!!!

Relieve me of the bondage of self

Because the tall and the small knew I needed help

Last night I fell asleep on top of the world

And dreamt of Diamonds and Pearls

I’m looking at myself and people are crying

There doves in the air and their even crying

My grandmother is hovering over me

Please don’t cry nana I’m free

But of course she couldn’t hear me

It was too late

A voice whispered…

I GAVE YOU A CHANCE TO DETERMINE YOUR FATE!

I haven’t died I’m right here

My soul is shook up and I’m real scared

Am I really dead?

Why is everyone singing that sad song?

And why is my sister reading my favorite poem?

Today I woke up on top of the world

And dreamt of Diamonds and Pearl

 

ADDICTION (RANDOM THOUGHT)

ADDICTION (RANDOM THOUGHT).